Questions · Deep questions

Deep questions to ask, when the table is ready

Deep conversation questions about who you’re becoming, what you’re hoping for and what’s been heavy lately. For a friend, a small group, or the last two people still awake.

  • 32 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 22

Tell us about a place that left a memory or feeling you still carry.

Ikuwento yung lugar na may iniwang memory o feeling na dala mo pa rin.

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A note

Some places stay with us quietly. You may not notice it right away, but later you realize you carried something from there.

May mga lugar na tahimik lang ang iniiwan sa atin. Hindi mo agad napapansin, pero may dala ka pala mula roon.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

32 deep questions to ask

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

To ease into it

8 questions

Memories and small changes. Deep, but with a soft landing.

  1. Tell us about a place that left a memory or feeling you still carry.

    Ikuwento yung lugar na may iniwang memory o feeling na dala mo pa rin.

    Back of the card

    Some places stay with us quietly. You may not notice it right away, but later you realize you carried something from there.

    May mga lugar na tahimik lang ang iniiwan sa atin. Hindi mo agad napapansin, pero may dala ka pala mula roon.

  2. When did you realize a habit you already had was helping you?

    Kailan mo na-realize na nakakatulong pala yung habit na meron ka na?

    Back of the card

    Helpful habits are not always dramatic. Sometimes you only notice them when life feels a little easier because they are there.

    Hindi laging dramatic ang helpful habits. Minsan mo lang sila napapansin kapag mas gumagaan ang life dahil nandiyan sila.

  3. When did you last change your mind after hearing a good reason?

    Kailan ka huling nagbago ng isip dahil may narinig kang magandang reason?

    Back of the card

    Try an optional before-and-after: "I thought..., but now..."

    Kung gusto mo: "Dati, akala ko..., pero ngayon..."

  4. Which ability did a friend notice in you before you noticed it yourself?

    Anong galing mo ang unang napansin ng friend bago mo ito nakita sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    You could borrow their words to describe your ability once.

    Puwede mong gamitin ang sinabi nila para ilarawan ang galing mo.

  5. What is a recent act of kindness that caught you by surprise?

    Anong magandang ginawa sa'yo lately ang hindi mo inaasahan?

    Back of the card

    Keep names private if you like. Picture the instant you realized what they had done for you.

    Puwedeng itago ang mga pangalan. Balikan ang sandaling naisip mo kung ano ang ginawa nila para sa'yo.

  6. Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

    I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

    Back of the card

    Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

    Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

  7. Who knows what you like, and what do they usually get right for you?

    Sino yung alam ang gusto mo, at ano yung madalas nilang natatama para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Being known can feel ordinary like that. Someone remembers your usual, your no-thanks, or the thing you always reach for.

    Minsan ganun kasimple yung feeling na kilala ka. May nakakaalala ng usual mo, ayaw mo, o lagi mong pinipili.

  8. Tell us about something you used to avoid that feels less scary now.

    Kuwento mo yung dati mong iniiwasan pero hindi na ganun ka-scary ngayon.

    Back of the card

    Less scary is still movement. You do not have to be fearless to know something has changed.

    Movement pa rin ang less scary. Hindi mo kailangang maging fearless para malaman na may nagbago.

About who you’re becoming

8 questions

Growth, change and the parts of yourself you’re still getting used to.

  1. If a friend said you have changed in a good way, what change would you hope they noticed?

    Kung sabihin ng friend mo na nagbago ka in a good way, anong change ang sana napansin nila?

    Back of the card

    The change you hope someone notices may point to what you have been quietly practicing.

    Yung change na sana mapansin nila baka yun yung tahimik mong pinapractice nitong season.

  2. What do you like more about yourself than you used to?

    Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?

    Back of the card

    Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.

    Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.

  3. Which version of your past self are you starting to understand more now?

    Aling version ng past self mo ang nagsisimula mong mas maintindihan ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Understanding your past self does not erase what happened. It can soften the way you hold the person you were.

    Hindi binubura ng understanding ang nangyari. Pero puwede nitong palambutin kung paano mo hinahawakan yung dating ikaw.

  4. Name something you are outgrowing, even if you still care about it.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na parang ino-outgrow mo na, kahit may care ka pa rin doon.

    Back of the card

    Outgrowing something does not always mean rejecting it. Sometimes it means honoring what was real while making room to change.

    Hindi laging rejection ang pag-outgrow. Minsan pag-honor siya sa naging totoo, habang gumagawa ng space para magbago.

  5. Which part of yourself are you learning to accept?

    Anong part ng sarili mo ang natututuhan mong tanggapin?

    Back of the card

    Acceptance can be slow and ordinary. Sometimes it begins when you stop arguing with one true part of yourself.

    Mabagal at ordinary minsan ang acceptance. Minsan nagsisimula siya kapag hindi mo na inaaway ang isang totoong part mo.

  6. Name something you want to be known for by people close to you.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na gusto mong maalala sa'yo ng mga taong close sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    The way you want to be known can reveal what you value. It can also guide one small choice today.

    Yung gusto mong maalala nila sa'yo, may pinapakitang value. Puwede rin siyang gumabay sa isang maliit na choice today.

  7. What can you do now that would have surprised you a few years ago?

    Ano ang kaya mo na ngayon na hindi mo inakalang magagawa mo ilang taon na ang nakaraan?

    Back of the card

    Picture showing your younger self how you do it. What might surprise them first?

    Isipin na ipinapakita mo sa mas batang sarili mo kung paano mo ito ginagawa. Ano kaya ang una niyang ikagugulat?

  8. Describe the kind of person your recent choices point toward.

    I-describe kung anong klaseng tao ang tinuturo ng recent choices mo.

    Back of the card

    Your choices are not the whole story, but they do point somewhere. Notice the direction without rushing to judge it.

    Hindi buong story ang choices mo, pero may direction silang tinuturo. Pansinin muna bago husgahan.

Hopes and fears

7 questions

The things people carry quietly. Go slow here.

  1. What would you try if failure felt less embarrassing?

    Ano ang susubukan mo kung hindi gaanong nakakahiya ang pumalya?

    Back of the card

    Embarrassment can make the room feel smaller than it is. The thing you would try may still be worth naming.

    Kayang paliitin ng hiya ang mundo mo. Pero yung bagay na susubukan mo, baka worth pa ring pangalanan.

  2. Name something you are nervous about that still feels worth trying.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na kinakabahan ka pero parang worth it pa ring subukan.

    Back of the card

    Nerves and courage often show up together. The fear does not automatically mean the step is wrong.

    Madalas magkasama ang kaba at courage. Hindi porket may takot, mali na agad ang step.

  3. Which fear gets smaller when you talk about it?

    Anong takot ang gumagaan kapag naikukwento mo?

    Back of the card

    Some fears grow in silence and shrink in safe air. Talking can help you see their true size.

    May takot na lumalaki kapag tahimik lang. Kapag naikuwento sa safe na lugar, mas nakikita mo ang totoong laki niya.

  4. Name one hope you are protecting because it matters to you.

    Magsabi ng isang hope na iniingatan mo kasi mahalaga talaga sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    We often protect the hopes that feel tender. You can hold it carefully without pretending it does not matter.

    Madalas nating ingatan ang hopes na tender. Puwede mo siyang hawakan nang maingat nang hindi nagkukunwaring hindi siya mahalaga.

  5. Finish this sentence: “In this next season, I hope I get to experience...”

    Tapusin mo yung sentence: “Sa next season, sana ma-experience ko...”

    Back of the card

    This sentence can stay small or open wide. Either way, it gives your hope a place to begin.

    Puwedeng maliit lang o biglang lumawak yung sentence. Either way, may starting point yung hope mo.

  6. Point to one direction you feel drawn toward, even if it is not fully clear yet.

    Magbanggit ng isang direction na feeling mo tinutulak ka, kahit hindi pa fully clear.

    Back of the card

    Clarity sometimes arrives after movement. You can honor the direction without pretending you know the whole path.

    Minsan dumarating ang clarity habang gumagalaw ka na. Puwede mong i-honor ang direction nang hindi nagpapanggap na alam mo ang buong path.

  7. Name one small wish you have for yourself this year.

    Ano yung isang maliit na wish mo para sa sarili mo this year?

    Back of the card

    Small wishes can still be honest. They may be easier to say out loud because they do not demand a perfect life.

    Maliit man yung wish, honest pa rin. Minsan mas madaling sabihin kasi hindi niya hinihingi na perfect ang buhay.

With people you already trust

9 questions

For late, quiet hours with someone who will listen without fixing.

  1. When and where do you feel safe enough to be yourself?

    Kailan at saan mo nararamdaman na safe kang maging ikaw?

    Back of the card

    A place like that matters. It lets people meet the version of you that is not busy performing.

    Mahalaga ang ganung lugar. Doon nakikilala ng tao yung ikaw na hindi abala sa pagpapanggap.

  2. If a friend asked what matters to you lately, what is the first thing you would mention?

    Kung tanungin ka ng friend kung ano ang importante sa'yo lately, ano yung una mong sasabihin?

    Back of the card

    You do not have to list everything. Starting with one honest thing is already enough for a real answer.

    Hindi mo kailangang ilista lahat. Sapat na magsimula sa isang honest na bagay para maging totoong sagot.

  3. Name one truth about yourself that is becoming harder to ignore.

    Magsabi ng isang truth tungkol sa sarili mo na mas mahirap nang i-ignore.

    Back of the card

    A truth that keeps returning may not be trying to shame you. It may be asking for honest attention.

    Yung truth na paulit-ulit bumabalik, baka hindi ka pinapahiya. Baka humihingi lang siya ng honest na pansin.

  4. If you and a friend talk less often, what would you want to ask them?

    Kung bihira na kayong mag-usap ng friend, ano ang gusto mong itanong sa kanila?

    Back of the card

    Would you ask now or wait for a quieter time to talk?

    Itatanong mo ba ngayon o hihintayin mong mas tahimik ang oras ng usapan?

  5. What makes an apology from a friend feel sincere to you?

    Paano mo nalalaman na talagang sorry ang friend sa nangyari?

    Back of the card

    Would it still feel sincere if they used different words?

    Ramdam mo pa rin bang talagang sorry sila kung iba ang sinabi nila?

  6. Name something you are carrying this week that people may not notice.

    Magsabi ng isang bitbit mo this week na baka hindi napapansin ng iba.

    Back of the card

    Not every weight is visible. Being honest about what you carry can make the load feel less unnamed.

    Hindi lahat ng bigat nakikita. Kapag honest ka sa bitbit mo, kahit hindi agad gumaan, hindi na siya sobrang labo.

  7. What kind of rest, fun, or treat are you learning to enjoy without feeling bad about it?

    Anong klaseng pahinga, saya, o treat ang natututuhan mong i-enjoy nang hindi masyadong nagi-guilty?

    Back of the card

    Enjoyment can take practice, especially when you are used to earning every pause. This question leaves room for that.

    Minsan kailangan ding matutuhan ang mag-enjoy, lalo na kung sanay kang kailangan mong paghirapan ang bawat pahinga. May space dito para doon.

  8. What difficult situation are you proud of handling?

    Anong mahirap na sitwasyon ang proud kang naharap mo?

    Back of the card

    You can pass or keep the situation private. What did handling it help you notice about your own abilities?

    Puwedeng mag-pass o itago ang sitwasyon. Ano ang napansin mong kaya mo pala matapos mong harapin iyon?

  9. What makes sharing a quiet moment with a friend comfortable for you?

    Ano ang nagpapakomportable sa'yo kapag tahimik lang kayo ng friend?

    Back of the card

    The silence can stay silent. You do not need to fill it for this answer.

    Puwedeng manatiling tahimik. Hindi kailangang punuin ng usapan para sa sagot na ito.

How to use them

Before you ask

Deep questions work when they are asked at the right time. Nobody wants to be asked about their fears before the food arrives. Start with something light, let people laugh a little, and wait for the moment someone tells a longer story than they meant to. That is usually the sign the table is ready.

A deep question is not a test. The good ones ask about a change, a memory or a hope, so people can answer at whatever depth feels okay tonight. One sentence is a fine answer. So is “pass”. The house rule is that anyone can skip a card, and nobody asks why.

These come from three decks: Reflect, Getting to know and Barkada. That mix matters. Reflection questions alone can feel like a counseling session; with a friendship or memory question between them, the night stays a conversation. If you want the quieter, inward set on its own, the Reflect deck is built for it.

Listen more than you respond. When someone shares something heavy, a simple “salamat sa pag-share” is often enough. Don’t fix, don’t top their story, and don’t repeat it later outside the table.

Good for

  • One-on-one catch-ups with a close friend
  • The last hour of a sleepover or road trip
  • Small groups and lifegroups that already trust each other
  • Year-end and birthday reflections
  • Long video calls with a friend abroad

Tips

  1. Never open with a deep question. Warm up with two or three light ones first.
  2. Go in the order of the groups: ease in, then growth, then hopes and fears.
  3. Answer first yourself if the table is quiet, and keep it honest but short.
  4. Let silence sit for a few seconds. People are often still deciding what to say.
  5. Make passing normal. Say it before you start, and pass once yourself.
  6. Stop on a lighter card so nobody goes home on the heaviest answer of the night.

Decks for this

Deep questions

Frequently asked questions

What are deep questions to ask a friend?

Questions about how they’ve changed, what they’re hoping for, and what’s been hard to say lately. Ask them when you have time to listen, and let the friend choose how much to answer.

How do you start a deep conversation without it being awkward?

Begin with light questions, then move to a memory or a change, and only later to hopes and fears. Answer first yourself so the other person knows it’s safe to be honest.

What if someone doesn’t want to answer a deep question?

Let them pass without asking why. A conversation only goes deep when people choose it, and pressure makes everyone answer less honestly.

Are these deep questions available in Tagalog?

Yes. Every question here has an English and a Filipino/Tagalog version. Some people find it easier to say heavy things in the language they grew up with.

Bring a better question to the table.

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