Questions · Deep questions for friends

Deep questions for friends, about the friendship itself

Close friends talk about everything except, usually, each other. These questions turn the conversation toward the friendship: what it runs on, how you handle the hard moments, and how you keep showing up when life gets full.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 39

Tell us about a friend who made you feel like you belonged.

Ikuwento yung friend na nagparamdam sa'yo na belong ka.

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A note

Inclusion can happen through one seat saved, one question asked, or one person making room on purpose.

Minsan isang upuang tinabi, isang tanong, o isang taong sinadyang magtabi ng space ang nagpaparamdam na kasama ka.

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The questions

16 deep questions for friends

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

What your friendship runs on

4 questions

Belonging, care and the things your friends saw in you first.

  1. Tell us about a friend who made you feel like you belonged.

    Ikuwento yung friend na nagparamdam sa'yo na belong ka.

    Back of the card

    Inclusion can happen through one seat saved, one question asked, or one person making room on purpose.

    Minsan isang upuang tinabi, isang tanong, o isang taong sinadyang magtabi ng space ang nagpaparamdam na kasama ka.

  2. How do you usually show a friend that you care?

    Paano mo usually pinapakita sa friend na may care ka?

    Back of the card

    Care has many shapes: checking in, feeding people, remembering details, giving space, or staying when it gets inconvenient.

    Maraming itsura ang care: nangangamusta, nagpapakain, nakakaalala ng details, nagbibigay ng space, o nananatili kahit hassle.

  3. Who knows what you like, and what do they usually get right for you?

    Sino yung alam ang gusto mo, at ano yung madalas nilang natatama para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Being known can feel ordinary like that. Someone remembers your usual, your no-thanks, or the thing you always reach for.

    Minsan ganun kasimple yung feeling na kilala ka. May nakakaalala ng usual mo, ayaw mo, o lagi mong pinipili.

  4. Which ability did a friend notice in you before you noticed it yourself?

    Anong galing mo ang unang napansin ng friend bago mo ito nakita sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    You could borrow their words to describe your ability once.

    Puwede mong gamitin ang sinabi nila para ilarawan ang galing mo.

When things get hard between you

4 questions

Apologies, concerns and how you find your way back.

  1. What makes an apology from a friend feel sincere to you?

    Paano mo nalalaman na talagang sorry ang friend sa nangyari?

    Back of the card

    Would it still feel sincere if they used different words?

    Ramdam mo pa rin bang talagang sorry sila kung iba ang sinabi nila?

  2. How would you want a friend to tell you that something you did bothered them?

    Paano mo gustong sabihin ng friend na may ginawa kang hindi nila nagustuhan?

    Back of the card

    You can imagine a simple example. Would you prefer a message or a private talk?

    Puwedeng simpleng halimbawa lang. Mas gusto mo ba ng message o pribadong usapan?

  3. After you and a friend disagree, what helps things feel okay again?

    Pagkatapos ninyong hindi magkasundo ng friend, ano ang nakakatulong para maging okay ulit kayo?

    Back of the card

    You can notice a small improvement without calling everything fixed.

    Puwedeng mapansin na may umaayos kahit hindi pa okay ang lahat.

  4. What habit makes a small disagreement with a friend worse?

    Anong habit ang nagpapalala sa simpleng hindi pagkakasundo ninyo ng friend?

    Back of the card

    Talk about the habit, not which friend does it.

    Habit ang pag-usapan, hindi kung sinong friend ang gumagawa nito.

Showing up through life

4 questions

Tired weeks, quieter months and new chapters.

  1. How would you like a friend to respond when you are too tired to join a plan?

    Kapag sobrang pagod ka para sumama, paano mo gustong mag-react ang friend sa pagtanggi mo?

    Back of the card

    Missing one plan does not mean you want to stop being invited.

    Hindi ibig sabihin na ayaw mo nang yayain kapag hindi ka nakasama minsan.

  2. If you and a friend talk less often, what would you want to ask them?

    Kung bihira na kayong mag-usap ng friend, ano ang gusto mong itanong sa kanila?

    Back of the card

    Would you ask now or wait for a quieter time to talk?

    Itatanong mo ba ngayon o hihintayin mong mas tahimik ang oras ng usapan?

  3. How could you help a friend who was new to a school or neighborhood?

    Paano mo matutulungan ang friend na bago sa isang school o lugar?

    Back of the card

    Being shown where things are or having someone stay nearby — either might help.

    Puwedeng makatulong ang ituro kung nasaan ang mga bagay o ang samahan lang sila.

  4. Who is a friend you can sit quietly with without it feeling awkward?

    Sino yung friend na kaya mong samahan nang tahimik without it feeling awkward?

    Back of the card

    Comfortable quiet is its own kind of closeness. It means the friendship does not always need talking, joking, or trying hard.

    May closeness din sa tahimik na hindi awkward. Ibig sabihin, hindi laging kailangang magsalita, magpatawa, o mag-effort nang todo.

Saying the real thing

4 questions

The words friends mean and rarely say out loud.

  1. Which compliment have you remembered long after someone said it?

    Anong compliment ang tumatak sa'yo kahit matagal na itong sinabi?

    Back of the card

    The exact words are optional. Notice which part of the compliment stayed with you.

    Hindi kailangan ang eksaktong salita. Balikan kung aling bahagi ng papuri ang tumatak sa'yo.

  2. Which fear gets smaller when you talk about it?

    Anong takot ang gumagaan kapag naikukwento mo?

    Back of the card

    Some fears grow in silence and shrink in safe air. Talking can help you see their true size.

    May takot na lumalaki kapag tahimik lang. Kapag naikuwento sa safe na lugar, mas nakikita mo ang totoong laki niya.

  3. If a friend said you have changed in a good way, what change would you hope they noticed?

    Kung sabihin ng friend mo na nagbago ka in a good way, anong change ang sana napansin nila?

    Back of the card

    The change you hope someone notices may point to what you have been quietly practicing.

    Yung change na sana mapansin nila baka yun yung tahimik mong pinapractice nitong season.

  4. Pick one feeling you have today. What would you say to a friend who felt that too?

    Pumili ng isang feeling mo today. Ano ang sasabihin mo sa friend na ganun din ang nararamdaman?

    Back of the card

    Sometimes your gentlest wisdom shows up first for someone else. It may be allowed to come back to you too.

    Minsan mas mabilis lumabas ang lambing natin para sa iba. Baka puwede ring bumalik sa'yo yung same na wisdom.

How to use them

Before you ask

Deep questions for friends are different from deep questions in general. With a friend, the deepest subject is often the friendship itself: what made you feel you belonged, how you’d want to be told something bothered them, what you’d ask if you started talking less. Most friendships never say these things out loud, and the ones that do get stronger for it.

Ask them one-on-one, or with a small group of friends who already trust each other. A long dinner, a walk, a road trip or the last night of a trip together are all good. Start with what your friendship runs on, because those questions are warm, and move to the harder ones only if the mood is right.

Expect some answers to surprise you. A friend may remember a small thing you did years ago as the moment you became close. Tell them what you remember too. For lighter friend questions, see friendship questions or play the Barkada deck.

Good for

  • A long dinner with a best friend
  • Friends on a trip together
  • Friendships that drifted and are coming back
  • Friend groups that have been together for years
  • Before someone moves away

Tips

  1. Ask one-on-one first. Group answers stay safer.
  2. Start warm, with what your friendship runs on.
  3. When a friend names something you did, say what you remember too.
  4. If a question touches a real hurt, listen. Don’t defend.
  5. Say the nice thing out loud. Friends rarely do.

Decks for this

Deep questions for friends

Frequently asked questions

What are deep questions to ask your friends?

Questions about the friendship itself: which friend made you feel you belonged, how you’d want to be told something bothered them, what you’d ask a friend if you started talking less. They bring friends closer because they’re usually left unsaid.

How do you have a deep conversation with a friend?

Pick a calm moment with time to spare, ask one warm question about your friendship, and answer it yourself too. Move to harder questions only if the conversation is already open.

Are these questions good for a group of friends?

The first group works well for a close friend group. The questions about hard moments are better one-on-one.

Bring a better question to the table.

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