Questions · Expats

Questions for expats that skip “How long are you here for?”

Every expat meetup opens with the same script: where are you from, what brought you here, how long are you staying. These questions skip it and get to the interesting part, life between two places.

  • 17 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Reflect№ 55

Where do you feel pulled in two directions?

Saan mo nararamdaman na hinihila ka sa dalawang direction?

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A note

Feeling pulled does not mean you are weak. It may mean two real things are asking for your attention.

Hindi ibig sabihin mahina ka kapag nahihila sa dalawang direction. Baka dalawang totoong bagay lang ang humihingi ng pansin.

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The questions

17 questions for expats

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

At the meetup

5 questions

Openers that aren’t the standard script.

  1. Which language would you learn instantly if you woke up fluent tomorrow?

    Kung paggising mo bukas ay marunong ka na ng isang bagong language, ano ang pipiliin mo?

    Back of the card

    Choose the first person you would like to talk to in that language.

    Piliin ang unang taong gusto mong makausap gamit ang wikang iyon.

  2. You receive one free round-trip ticket. Where are you going first?

    May libre kang round-trip ticket. Saan ka pupunta?

    Back of the card

    Choose one thing you would want to do before flying home.

    Pumili ng isang gusto mong gawin bago bumiyahe pauwi.

  3. Which everyday sound reminds you of home right away?

    Anong everyday sound ang nagpapaalala agad sa'yo ng home?

    Back of the card

    Home is not always a place first. Sometimes it is a sound you recognize before you even think about it.

    Hindi laging lugar agad ang home. Minsan sound siya na kilala mo na bago mo pa isipin.

  4. Imagine a place to stay: tiny with a great view or huge but far from everything. Which do you choose?

    Isipin ang titirhan mo: maliit pero maganda ang view o malaki pero malayo sa lahat. Alin ang pipiliin mo?

    Back of the card

    Put one favorite thing in your new place. What belongs there?

    Maglagay ng isang paborito mong bagay sa bagong titirhan mo. Ano iyon?

  5. Pick one small mood upgrade, like a drink, song, scent, snack, or clean space.

    Pumili ng isang small mood upgrade, like drink, song, scent, snack, o malinis na space.

    Back of the card

    A mood upgrade does not need to be big. Sometimes one small detail is enough to change the angle of the day.

    Hindi kailangang malaki ang mood upgrade. Minsan isang small detail lang, nag-iiba na yung angle ng araw.

Living between two places

7 questions

For people who feel at home in two countries, or in neither.

  1. Where do you feel pulled in two directions?

    Saan mo nararamdaman na hinihila ka sa dalawang direction?

    Back of the card

    Feeling pulled does not mean you are weak. It may mean two real things are asking for your attention.

    Hindi ibig sabihin mahina ka kapag nahihila sa dalawang direction. Baka dalawang totoong bagay lang ang humihingi ng pansin.

  2. Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

    I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

    Back of the card

    Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

    Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

  3. Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

    Back of the card

    Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

    Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

  4. Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?

    Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.

    Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.

  5. If you and a friend talk less often, what would you want to ask them?

    Kung bihira na kayong mag-usap ng friend, ano ang gusto mong itanong sa kanila?

    Back of the card

    Would you ask now or wait for a quieter time to talk?

    Itatanong mo ba ngayon o hihintayin mong mas tahimik ang oras ng usapan?

  6. Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.

    Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.

    Back of the card

    You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?

    Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?

  7. Who do you wish you could spend more normal, no-special-plan time with?

    Sino yung gusto mong makasama nang mas madalas, kahit walang special na lakad?

    Back of the card

    Ordinary time can build closeness slowly. Not every good moment needs an occasion.

    Nakakabuo rin ng closeness ang ordinaryong time. Hindi lahat ng magandang moment kailangan may special na lakad.

Then and now

5 questions

How moving abroad has changed you.

  1. When did you last change your mind after hearing a good reason?

    Kailan ka huling nagbago ng isip dahil may narinig kang magandang reason?

    Back of the card

    Try an optional before-and-after: "I thought..., but now..."

    Kung gusto mo: "Dati, akala ko..., pero ngayon..."

  2. Name something you are outgrowing, even if you still care about it.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na parang ino-outgrow mo na, kahit may care ka pa rin doon.

    Back of the card

    Outgrowing something does not always mean rejecting it. Sometimes it means honoring what was real while making room to change.

    Hindi laging rejection ang pag-outgrow. Minsan pag-honor siya sa naging totoo, habang gumagawa ng space para magbago.

  3. Point to one direction you feel drawn toward, even if it is not fully clear yet.

    Magbanggit ng isang direction na feeling mo tinutulak ka, kahit hindi pa fully clear.

    Back of the card

    Clarity sometimes arrives after movement. You can honor the direction without pretending you know the whole path.

    Minsan dumarating ang clarity habang gumagalaw ka na. Puwede mong i-honor ang direction nang hindi nagpapanggap na alam mo ang buong path.

  4. Picture meeting an old friend after a few years. What would you want to do together first?

    Isipin na nagkita kayo ng dating friend makalipas ang ilang taon. Ano ang una mong gustong gawin ninyo?

    Back of the card

    You could begin with the most ordinary thing you used to do together.

    Puwedeng magsimula sa pinakasimpleng dati ninyong ginagawa nang magkasama.

  5. What can you do now that would have surprised you a few years ago?

    Ano ang kaya mo na ngayon na hindi mo inakalang magagawa mo ilang taon na ang nakaraan?

    Back of the card

    Picture showing your younger self how you do it. What might surprise them first?

    Isipin na ipinapakita mo sa mas batang sarili mo kung paano mo ito ginagawa. Ano kaya ang una niyang ikagugulat?

How to use them

Before you ask

Good questions for expats skip the visa-and-job script and ask about life between two places: what feels different about you lately, where you feel pulled in two directions, and which habit from home you only noticed after you left.

Expat conversations have a known rut. People compare paperwork, complain about the local bureaucracy and swap restaurant tips. It’s useful, but it rarely builds friendships. The thing expats share is harder to name: a self that has changed, people back home who don’t quite get it and friendships that keep restarting. The middle group goes there, gently.

At a meetup, start with the first group in small circles. For a smaller dinner of expat friends, go straight to the second. Long-term expats often love the last group, because few people back home ask how living abroad has changed them.

Good for

  • Expat and newcomer meetups
  • International women’s and men’s clubs
  • Dinners with friends who also live abroad
  • Corporate relocation welcome events
  • Spouses and partners of people on assignment

Tips

  1. Ban the standard script for the first ten minutes; it makes people tell real stories.
  2. Ask about the person, not their passport.
  3. Make room for people who feel at home in neither place.
  4. Mix newcomers and long-timers; the long-timers know what the newcomers will feel.
  5. Remember that people back home are part of the story. Ask about them.

Decks for this

Expats

Frequently asked questions

What should I talk about at an expat meetup?

Skip the usual where-from and how-long questions. Ask which language they would learn instantly, which sound reminds them of home, and what feels different about them since moving.

How do expats make deeper friendships abroad?

By talking about the shared experience under the logistics: living between two places, changing as a person, keeping in touch with people back home. Small groups help.

Do these questions work for people who just moved abroad?

Yes. The first group suits newcomers, and the others become more meaningful a few months in.

Bring a better question to the table.

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