Questions · Stepfamily

Questions for stepfamilies, no pressure to be close yet

Gentle questions for blended families and stepfamilies: no-pressure starters, making room for everyone, house rules and space, and the new traditions you build together. Nobody has to call anybody Mom.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 33

Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

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A note

Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

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The questions

16 questions for blended families

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

No-pressure starters

4 questions

Food rules and house habits: easy, and they reveal the two households.

  1. You and a friend want different snacks. What would you do?

    Magkaiba kayo ng friend mo ng gustong snack. Ano ang gagawin mo?

    Back of the card

    Same choice every time, or would it depend on the day?

    Pareho ba ang gagawin mo palagi, o depende sa araw?

  2. Share one food rule your household still follows.

    Mag-share ng isang food rule na sinusunod pa rin sa bahay niyo.

    Back of the card

    House rules around food can be funny, practical, or oddly sacred. They carry the flavor of how people grew up.

    Yung food rules sa bahay, minsan funny, minsan practical, minsan oddly sacred. May flavor siya ng kinalakihan natin.

  3. Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

    Back of the card

    Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

    Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

  4. Would you rather have someone cook or clean for you?

    Mas gusto mo bang may magluto o maglinis para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Picture doing something you enjoy while they handle the task.

    Isipin ang masayang gagawin mo habang sila ang bahala.

Making room

5 questions

What helps a new person feel welcome and included.

  1. What kind of greeting from me makes you feel most welcomed?

    Anong klaseng bati mula sa akin ang pinaka-nagpaparamdam sa'yo na welcome ka?

    Back of the card

    The way you greet each other matters. Even a small hello can make coming back to each other feel warmer.

    Mahalaga kung paano ninyo binabati ang isa't isa. Kahit simpleng hello, puwedeng gawing mas warm ang pagbalik ninyo sa isa't isa.

  2. What small things make a room feel welcoming to you?

    Anong maliliit na bagay ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na welcome ka sa isang room?

    Back of the card

    Welcome can come from tone, space, food, faces, or small signals that say you do not have to prove yourself.

    Puwedeng galing sa tono, space, pagkain, mukha ng tao, o maliliit na sign na hindi mo kailangang patunayan ang sarili mo.

  3. When joining friends for an activity, what helps you feel included?

    Kapag may activity ang friends, ano ang nagpaparamdam na kasama ka rin?

    Back of the card

    Being invited and being able to join are not always the same thing.

    Hindi laging pareho ang niyayaya ka at ang kaya mong sumali.

  4. Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?

    Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.

    Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.

  5. Recall a moment when talking to a new friend started to feel easy.

    Kailan ka nagsimulang maging komportable sa pakikipagkuwentuhan sa bago mong friend?

    Back of the card

    Remember the first thing you no longer felt shy about saying.

    Balikan ang unang bagay na hindi ka na nahiyang sabihin.

House rules and space

3 questions

Permission, pet peeves and clearing up confusion.

  1. What should friends ask your permission to do?

    Ano ang dapat munang ipagpaalam sa'yo ng friends?

    Back of the card

    Your permission can depend on the situation; closeness does not make every answer a yes.

    Puwedeng depende sa sitwasyon ang pahintulot mo; kahit close kayo, hindi laging oo ang sagot.

  2. Complete the line: I'm chill, but please don't ___.

    Kumpletuhin: Chill naman ako, pero please wag ___.

    Back of the card

    Tiny pet peeves are usually harmless, but they still deserve their moment. Everyone has a small line somewhere.

    Harmless lang ang tiny pet peeves, pero deserve din nila ng moment. Lahat tayo may small line somewhere.

  3. What quick question could clear up a confusing message from a friend?

    Kapag malabo ang message ng friend, paano mo tatanungin kung ano ang ibig nilang sabihin?

    Back of the card

    “Did you mean...?” can leave the answer open. You can use an invented message.

    Puwedeng magsimula sa “Ang ibig mo bang sabihin...?” Gawa-gawang message lang kung gusto mo.

New traditions

4 questions

Something that belongs to this family, not either old one.

  1. Which simple friendship tradition would you like to keep even when everyone gets busier?

    Anong nakasanayan ninyong gawin ng friends mo ang gusto mong ituloy kahit maging mas busy kayo?

    Back of the card

    What would be the easiest version to keep on a busy week?

    Ano ang pinakamadaling bersiyon nito kapag busy ang linggo?

  2. What habit of ours do you hope we keep in the next season?

    Anong habit natin ang sana ituloy natin sa next season?

    Back of the card

    Keeping what works is also growth. Not every next step has to be about fixing a problem.

    Growth din ang pagpapatuloy ng gumagana. Hindi lahat ng next step kailangang tungkol sa pag-aayos ng problema.

  3. Create a new holiday that everyone gets to celebrate. What happens that day?

    Gumawa ng bagong holiday na puwedeng i-celebrate ng lahat. Ano ang ginagawa sa araw na iyon?

    Back of the card

    What tradition would belong to your holiday?

    Anong tradisyon ang bagay sa holiday mo?

  4. Plan a hangout that a friend could bring a new friend to.

    Kung magsasama ng bagong friend ang kaibigan mo, anong bonding ang ipa-plano mo?

    Back of the card

    Imagine the newcomer knows none of your old jokes. Your activity can still work.

    Isipin na hindi alam ng bagong kasama ang dating mga biro ninyo. Puwede pa ring maging masaya ang activity.

How to use them

Before you ask

Stepfamilies don’t become close because someone wants them to. They get closer slowly, through many small, low-stakes moments. The worst move is forcing intimacy early (“tell us how you feel about the new family!”). The better move is asking easy questions that let people learn each other without being on the spot.

Start with the no-pressure starters. Questions about food rules and habits everyone thought were normal are gold in a blended family, because two households really did do things differently, and saying so out loud turns friction into curiosity. Then ask what helps each person feel welcome.

The house-rules group helps step-siblings especially: what should someone ask your permission for? Agreeing on that early prevents a lot of “he took my stuff.” End by building a tradition that belongs to the new family, not to either old one.

Good for

  • The first months of a blended family
  • Weekends when step-siblings are together
  • Family meetings about house rules
  • Holidays split between households
  • A step-parent getting to know a stepchild

Tips

  1. Keep it light for the first few months; trust comes later.
  2. Step-parents: ask, don’t discipline, while you’re still new.
  3. Never ask a child to compare their two homes or parents.
  4. Give every kid a space that’s only theirs.
  5. Let the kids invent the new tradition.

Decks for this

Stepfamily

Frequently asked questions

What questions can help a blended family bond?

Easy ones first: a food rule your household follows, a habit at home you thought everyone had. Then ask what helps each person feel welcome, what people should ask permission for, and what new tradition you could start together.

How can a stepparent connect with a stepchild?

Through low-pressure, one-on-one time and questions about their interests, without pushing closeness. Let them set the pace, and leave discipline to the biological parent early on.

What should stepfamilies avoid asking?

Questions that ask kids to compare parents or homes, pick sides, or say how they feel about the new family before they’re ready.

Bring a better question to the table.

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