Tips · Asking questions
How to ask good questions people want to answer
A good question is easy to start answering and hard to finish in one word. Most of us were never taught how to write one. Here are the rules we use when we write conversation cards.
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
When you try a place to eat, what makes it feel worth visiting again?
Kapag may tinry kang kainan, ano yung nagpapaisip sa'yo na worth balikan ito?
It could be taste, comfort, price, people, or memory. Places become favorites for different reasons.
Puwedeng lasa, comfort, presyo, tao, o memory. Iba-iba yung dahilan kung bakit may places tayong binabalikan.
In short
The idea
A good question is specific, about the other person’s own experience, and small enough to answer in the first sentence. “What did you eat on your last day of vacation?” beats “Do you like to travel?” because it points at one real moment, and moments come with details you can ask about next.
We write questions for a living, and most bad ones fail in the same few ways: too big, too abstract, two questions stuck together, or quietly asking for a particular answer. Fix those and nearly any question gets better.
Tips
- Point the question at one real moment, not a whole category.
- Ask one thing at a time; cut the second half of a double question.
- Swap “why did you” for “what made you”.
- Don’t build the answer into the question.
- Answer it yourself after they do.
Decks for this
Five rules for a better question
- Make it specific. “What’s a meal you still remember?” is easier than “What’s your favorite food?”, which sends people into an internal ranking contest.
- Ask about a moment, not a belief. Opinions invite debate; memories invite stories. “When did you last change your mind about something?” works better than “Are you open-minded?”
- Ask one thing. “How did you two meet and when did you know?” is two questions. People answer the easier half and forget the other.
- Leave the answer open. “Wasn’t that stressful?” tells them what to feel. “What was that like?” lets them decide.
- Keep it short. If you need a preamble to explain your question, the question is doing too much.
Weak questions, rewritten
A few everyday questions and the small change that makes them work:
| Instead of | Try | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| What do you do? | What part of your work do you actually enjoy? | Asks about a feeling, not a title |
| Did you have a good weekend? | What was the best hour of your weekend? | Can’t be answered with yes |
| What are your hobbies? | What do you lose track of time doing? | People don’t always call their best thing a hobby |
| Why did you do that? | What made you decide to do that? | Sounds curious instead of accusing |
| Tell me about yourself. | What has your week looked like? | Small enough to start right away |
Be careful with “why”
“Why” is the most useful word in a question and the easiest to say wrong. “Why did you move?” can sound like you think they shouldn’t have. The same curiosity lands softer as “What made you move?” or “How did you end up deciding to move?” Those versions ask for a story instead of a defense.
Save the bare “why” for when you’re already deep in a friendly conversation and the tone is obviously warm.
What you do after the question matters more
The best-written question still fails if you’re thinking about your next one while they answer. Listen for the one detail that surprised you, and ask about that. It’s the clearest signal you were paying attention. More on that in how to ask follow-up questions.
Then answer the question yourself. A conversation where one person only asks starts to feel like a survey. If you want ready-made questions that already follow these rules, conversation cards do the writing for you; every card in Kumustahan is written to be answered in a sentence and expanded into a story.
The questions
Well-built questions to borrow
Real cards from the app. Notice how each one points at a moment, a person or a habit rather than an opinion.
Specific, not huge
5 questions
Easy to start answering in the first sentence.
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When you try a place to eat, what makes it feel worth visiting again?
Kapag may tinry kang kainan, ano yung nagpapaisip sa'yo na worth balikan ito?
Back of the card
It could be taste, comfort, price, people, or memory. Places become favorites for different reasons.
Puwedeng lasa, comfort, presyo, tao, o memory. Iba-iba yung dahilan kung bakit may places tayong binabalikan.
-
What preference of yours do close friends remember without asking?
Anong gusto mo ang kabisado na ng close friends mo?
Back of the card
Imagine they had to choose it for you today. Would they still get it right?
Kung pipili sila para sa'yo ngayon, tama pa kaya ang pipiliin nila?
-
Name a small thing people close to you know you always do.
Sabihin yung small thing na alam ng close sa'yo na lagi mong ginagawa.
Back of the card
Being known often lives in tiny details. The little things people remember can feel surprisingly sweet.
Minsan nasa tiny details yung feeling na kilala ka. Sweet din kapag naaalala ng tao yung small things mo.
-
If someone worked or studied with you for one week, what would they notice about your style?
Kung may makakasama ka sa work o school for one week, ano kaya ang mapapansin nila sa style mo?
Back of the card
Your style may show in pace, focus, questions, breaks, or how you handle pressure. People notice more than we think.
Pwedeng lumabas ang style mo sa pace, focus, tanong, breaks, o paano ka humarap sa pressure. Marami palang napapansin ang tao.
-
When do you usually feel fully present in the moment, like during rest, work, prayer, conversation, or play?
Kailan mo usually nararamdaman na fully present ka sa moment, like kapag nagpapahinga, nagwo-work, nagpe-pray, may kausap, o naglalaro?
Back of the card
Presence often has a pattern. The moments when you feel fully there can point toward what helps you feel whole.
May pattern din ang pagiging present. Yung moments na nandun ka talaga, puwedeng magturo kung ano ang nagpapabuong muli sa'yo.
About a moment, not a belief
6 questions
They ask for something that happened, so the answer is a story.
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When did you last change your mind after hearing a good reason?
Kailan ka huling nagbago ng isip dahil may narinig kang magandang reason?
Back of the card
Try an optional before-and-after: "I thought..., but now..."
Kung gusto mo: "Dati, akala ko..., pero ngayon..."
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Recall the last time you tried something new just because you were curious.
Ikuwento ang huling beses na sumubok ka ng bago dahil curious ka lang.
Back of the card
Would you try it again, or was once enough?
Susubukan mo ba ulit, o sapat na ang minsan?
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How did your first impression of a friend change once you got to know them?
Anong first impression mo sa isang friend ang nagbago nang makilala mo sila?
Back of the card
You can finish: “I thought they were..., then I noticed...”
Puwedeng ituloy: “Akala ko..., tapos napansin ko...”
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Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
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Which compliment have you remembered long after someone said it?
Anong compliment ang tumatak sa'yo kahit matagal na itong sinabi?
Back of the card
The exact words are optional. Notice which part of the compliment stayed with you.
Hindi kailangan ang eksaktong salita. Balikan kung aling bahagi ng papuri ang tumatak sa'yo.
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After a busy or tiring season, how can people tell that you’ve actually rested?
After ng busy o nakakapagod na season, paano malalaman ng mga tao na nakapagpahinga ka talaga?
Back of the card
Real rest often shows up quietly: more patience, more jokes, clearer thoughts, or simply a softer face.
Madalas tahimik lang makita ang tunay na pahinga: mas mahaba ang pasensya, mas may jokes, mas malinaw mag-isip, o mas maaliwalas lang.
About someone else in their life
5 questions
People often open up more easily about the people around them.
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Who knows what you like, and what do they usually get right for you?
Sino yung alam ang gusto mo, at ano yung madalas nilang natatama para sa'yo?
Back of the card
Being known can feel ordinary like that. Someone remembers your usual, your no-thanks, or the thing you always reach for.
Minsan ganun kasimple yung feeling na kilala ka. May nakakaalala ng usual mo, ayaw mo, o lagi mong pinipili.
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When learning something new, what help do you like from a friend?
Kapag may bago kang inaaral, anong tulong ang gusto mo mula sa friend?
Back of the card
Show me once, let me try, or stay beside me — which help would you choose?
Ipakita muna, hayaan akong sumubok, o samahan ako — alin ang pipiliin mong tulong?
-
What useful skill did someone patiently teach you?
Anong kasanayan ang matiyagang itinuro sa'yo ng isang tao?
Back of the card
Imagine you are teaching the skill now. What would you show a beginner first?
Isipin na ikaw naman ang nagtuturo nito. Ano ang una mong ipapakita sa baguhan?
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Think of someone in your circle who can turn anything into a funny story.
Isipin yung tao sa circle niyo na kayang gawing funny story kahit simpleng bagay lang.
Back of the card
Every circle has someone who makes ordinary stories funnier than expected. Naming them is also a tiny thank-you.
May tao talagang nagpapasaya ng simpleng kwento. Kapag naalala mo siya, parang small thank-you na rin.
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Who is a friend you can sit quietly with without it feeling awkward?
Sino yung friend na kaya mong samahan nang tahimik without it feeling awkward?
Back of the card
Comfortable quiet is its own kind of closeness. It means the friendship does not always need talking, joking, or trying hard.
May closeness din sa tahimik na hindi awkward. Ibig sabihin, hindi laging kailangang magsalita, magpatawa, o mag-effort nang todo.
How to ask good questions
Frequently asked questions
How do you ask good questions in a conversation?
Ask one specific question about the other person’s experience, keep it short, and don’t suggest the answer. Then listen for a detail and follow up on it.
What makes a question a good question?
It’s easy to start answering, it can’t be finished with yes or no, and it asks about something the person actually knows: their own memories, habits and choices.
Why do some questions make people uncomfortable?
Usually they’re too big, too personal too early, or they sound like a judgment. “Why” questions and questions with an assumed answer are the most common culprits.
Bring a better question to the table.
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