Questions · Children of immigrants
Questions for children of immigrants, about growing up in between
If your lunchbox smelled different, if you translated your parents’ phone calls at age nine, if you code-switch between your family and your friends, these questions are for you, and for the friends who grew up the same way.
- 17 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.
Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.
Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.
Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.
The questions
17 questions about growing up between cultures
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
Between two kitchens
4 questions
House rules and food habits you only realized were unusual at a friend’s house.
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Tell us a food combo you like that people might question.
I-share yung food combo na gusto mo pero baka kuwestiyunin ng iba.
Back of the card
Questionable does not always mean wrong. Some pairings just need one brave person to admit they work.
Hindi porket questionable, mali na agad. Minsan kailangan lang ng isang brave person na umaming masarap siya.
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Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.
Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.
Back of the card
Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.
Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.
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As you got older, which habit at home started to make more sense to you?
Habang tumatanda ka, anong habit sa bahay ninyo ang mas nagme-make sense na sa'yo ngayon?
Back of the card
Getting older can change the way you see home. A habit may look different once you know more of the story.
Habang tumatanda, nag-iiba rin minsan ang tingin natin sa bahay. May habit na mas naiintindihan kapag alam mo na ang kuwento.
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Share one personal rule that only you seem to understand.
Mag-share ng isang personal rule na ikaw lang yata ang nakakaintindi.
Back of the card
Personal rules can sound strange from the outside. From the inside, they usually have a very clear origin story.
Minsan weird pakinggan ang personal rules sa iba. Pero sa'yo, usually may malinaw yang origin story.
Between two languages
2 questions
For the misheard words and the language you wish you had kept.
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Which language would you learn instantly if you woke up fluent tomorrow?
Kung paggising mo bukas ay marunong ka na ng isang bagong language, ano ang pipiliin mo?
Back of the card
Choose the first person you would like to talk to in that language.
Piliin ang unang taong gusto mong makausap gamit ang wikang iyon.
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Name a word or line you misheard that made the conversation funny.
Magbanggit ng word o line na mali mong narinig at naging funny yung usapan.
Back of the card
Mishearing one word can send a conversation somewhere else completely. Sometimes the mistake is funnier than the original point.
Isang maling dinig lang, ibang direction na yung usapan. Minsan mas funny pa yung mali kaysa original point.
What your parents carried here
5 questions
Ask them, or ask each other what you know about it.
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What helped you feel welcome in a new place?
Ano ang nakatulong para maramdaman mong welcome ka sa isang bagong lugar?
Back of the card
Would you do something similar for someone new? You can also leave it as a good memory.
Gagawin mo rin ba iyon para sa bagong dating? Puwede ring magandang alaala na lang muna ito.
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When you enter a new place, what’s one small thing you notice right away?
Kapag nasa bagong lugar ka, ano yung isang maliit na bagay na una mong napapansin?
Back of the card
What you notice first can hint at what makes a place feel interesting, calm, or welcoming to you.
Minsan clue yung una mong napapansin kung ano ang nakaka-curious, nakakapagpakalma, o nagpapagaan ng pakiramdam mo.
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How could you help a friend who was new to a school or neighborhood?
Paano mo matutulungan ang friend na bago sa isang school o lugar?
Back of the card
Being shown where things are or having someone stay nearby — either might help.
Puwedeng makatulong ang ituro kung nasaan ang mga bagay o ang samahan lang sila.
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Share the first time you did something on your own and felt more capable afterward.
Ikuwento ang unang beses mong gumawa ng isang bagay mag-isa at naisip mong, "Kaya ko pala."
Back of the card
Finish if you like: "That was when I realized I could..."
Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Doon ko naisip na kaya ko palang..."
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Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
What you carry now
6 questions
Slower questions for close friends who get it.
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Which version of your past self are you starting to understand more now?
Aling version ng past self mo ang nagsisimula mong mas maintindihan ngayon?
Back of the card
Understanding your past self does not erase what happened. It can soften the way you hold the person you were.
Hindi binubura ng understanding ang nangyari. Pero puwede nitong palambutin kung paano mo hinahawakan yung dating ikaw.
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Name something you are outgrowing, even if you still care about it.
Magsabi ng isang bagay na parang ino-outgrow mo na, kahit may care ka pa rin doon.
Back of the card
Outgrowing something does not always mean rejecting it. Sometimes it means honoring what was real while making room to change.
Hindi laging rejection ang pag-outgrow. Minsan pag-honor siya sa naging totoo, habang gumagawa ng space para magbago.
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Which part of yourself are you learning to accept?
Anong part ng sarili mo ang natututuhan mong tanggapin?
Back of the card
Acceptance can be slow and ordinary. Sometimes it begins when you stop arguing with one true part of yourself.
Mabagal at ordinary minsan ang acceptance. Minsan nagsisimula siya kapag hindi mo na inaaway ang isang totoong part mo.
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Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?
Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?
Back of the card
The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.
Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.
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When and where do you feel safe enough to be yourself?
Kailan at saan mo nararamdaman na safe kang maging ikaw?
Back of the card
A place like that matters. It lets people meet the version of you that is not busy performing.
Mahalaga ang ganung lugar. Doon nakikilala ng tao yung ikaw na hindi abala sa pagpapanggap.
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What do you like more about yourself than you used to?
Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?
Back of the card
Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.
Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.
How to use them
Before you ask
Children of immigrants often share an experience their friends from longtime local families never had: being the bridge. You learned the new country’s rules first and taught them to your parents, while still living by your parents’ rules at home. Good questions let you talk about both sides without having to pick one.
These work in two settings. With friends who also grew up between cultures (Filipino, Korean, Mexican, Nigerian, Indian, it rarely matters which), they turn into a long, funny, sometimes tender comparison. With your own parents, the middle questions about arriving somewhere new are a respectful way to ask what the move cost them.
Kumustahan started as a Filipino conversation card app, so every card also has a Tagalog version. If your family is Filipino, that is a bonus; if not, the English stands on its own.
Good for
Tips
- Start with food rules. Every immigrant household has a strange one, and it gets everyone laughing.
- Don’t rank whose parents were stricter. Compare, don’t compete.
- If you ask your parents about leaving home, ask about the first week, not the whole decade.
- Leave room for mixed feelings. Gratitude and frustration can sit in the same answer.
Decks for this
Children of immigrants
Frequently asked questions
What questions can children of immigrants talk about together?
Food rules at home, words you mistranslated, translating for your parents, the first time you noticed your family did things differently, and what you want to keep from both cultures. Small specific memories work better than big identity questions.
How do I ask my immigrant parents about their move?
Ask about something concrete, like what helped them feel welcome in a new place or the first thing they did alone here. Specific questions are easier to answer than “was it hard?”
Are these questions only for Filipino families?
No. They are written for anyone who grew up between two cultures. The cards also come in Tagalog, which helps Filipino families, but the English works for everyone.
Bring a better question to the table.
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