Questions · Filipino parents
Questions to ask your Filipino parents about the life before you
In many Filipino homes, love sounds like “kumain ka na?” (have you eaten?). It is real love, but it doesn’t tell you who your parents were at twenty. These questions do, gently, in English and Tagalog.
- 16 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Think of someone who makes simple meals more fun. What do they do?
Isipin yung taong nagpapasaya kahit simpleng kain lang. Ano yung ginagawa niya?
A meal does not need to be fancy to feel full of life. Sometimes one person's energy changes the whole mood.
Hindi kailangang fancy ang kain para maging masaya. Minsan energy lang ng isang tao, nag-iiba na yung mood.
The questions
16 questions to ask your Filipino mom or dad
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
Start with food (it’s how they say it anyway)
3 questions
The safest door into a parent’s memory is a dish.
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Think of someone who makes simple meals more fun. What do they do?
Isipin yung taong nagpapasaya kahit simpleng kain lang. Ano yung ginagawa niya?
Back of the card
A meal does not need to be fancy to feel full of life. Sometimes one person's energy changes the whole mood.
Hindi kailangang fancy ang kain para maging masaya. Minsan energy lang ng isang tao, nag-iiba na yung mood.
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Who do you enjoy eating with, even if the food is simple?
Sino yung masarap kasamang kumain kahit simple lang ang pagkain?
Back of the card
The company can change the meal. Some people make even ordinary food feel warmer.
Iba ang pagkain kapag okay ang kasama. May mga taong kahit simpleng meal, gumagaan yung moment.
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When you try a place to eat, what makes it feel worth visiting again?
Kapag may tinry kang kainan, ano yung nagpapaisip sa'yo na worth balikan ito?
Back of the card
It could be taste, comfort, price, people, or memory. Places become favorites for different reasons.
Puwedeng lasa, comfort, presyo, tao, o memory. Iba-iba yung dahilan kung bakit may places tayong binabalikan.
Their life before you
6 questions
Old habits, new places and the people who were fair to them.
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From when you were younger, what habit or interest do you still carry now?
Mula nung bata ka, anong habit o hilig ang dala mo pa rin ngayon?
Back of the card
Some parts of us do not disappear; they just grow up with us. It can be nice to notice what stayed.
May parts tayo na hindi naman nawawala; lumalaki lang kasama natin. Nakakatuwang mapansin kung ano yung naiwan.
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Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
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What helped you feel welcome in a new place?
Ano ang nakatulong para maramdaman mong welcome ka sa isang bagong lugar?
Back of the card
Would you do something similar for someone new? You can also leave it as a good memory.
Gagawin mo rin ba iyon para sa bagong dating? Puwede ring magandang alaala na lang muna ito.
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Recall the last time you tried something new just because you were curious.
Ikuwento ang huling beses na sumubok ka ng bago dahil curious ka lang.
Back of the card
Would you try it again, or was once enough?
Susubukan mo ba ulit, o sapat na ang minsan?
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Tell us about something you used to avoid that feels less scary now.
Kuwento mo yung dati mong iniiwasan pero hindi na ganun ka-scary ngayon.
Back of the card
Less scary is still movement. You do not have to be fearless to know something has changed.
Movement pa rin ang less scary. Hindi mo kailangang maging fearless para malaman na may nagbago.
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What can you do now that would have surprised you a few years ago?
Ano ang kaya mo na ngayon na hindi mo inakalang magagawa mo ilang taon na ang nakaraan?
Back of the card
Picture showing your younger self how you do it. What might surprise them first?
Isipin na ipinapakita mo sa mas batang sarili mo kung paano mo ito ginagawa. Ano kaya ang una niyang ikagugulat?
The things they don’t usually say
7 questions
Ask one, then wait longer than feels comfortable.
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Name one good thing you are quietly hoping for.
Magsabi ng isang good thing na tahimik mong hinihiling lately.
Back of the card
Quiet hopes still deserve room. Saying them gently can remind you that wanting good things is not foolish.
May lugar din ang tahimik na hopes. Kapag nasabi mo sila nang gentle, naaalala mong hindi foolish ang umasa sa mabuti.
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Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.
Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.
Back of the card
You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?
Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?
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Name something you are carrying this week that people may not notice.
Magsabi ng isang bitbit mo this week na baka hindi napapansin ng iba.
Back of the card
Not every weight is visible. Being honest about what you carry can make the load feel less unnamed.
Hindi lahat ng bigat nakikita. Kapag honest ka sa bitbit mo, kahit hindi agad gumaan, hindi na siya sobrang labo.
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Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.
Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.
Back of the card
Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.
May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.
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What do you like more about yourself than you used to?
Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?
Back of the card
Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.
Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.
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Finish this sentence: “In this next season, I hope I get to experience...”
Tapusin mo yung sentence: “Sa next season, sana ma-experience ko...”
Back of the card
This sentence can stay small or open wide. Either way, it gives your hope a place to begin.
Puwedeng maliit lang o biglang lumawak yung sentence. Either way, may starting point yung hope mo.
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What kind of rest, fun, or treat are you learning to enjoy without feeling bad about it?
Anong klaseng pahinga, saya, o treat ang natututuhan mong i-enjoy nang hindi masyadong nagi-guilty?
Back of the card
Enjoyment can take practice, especially when you are used to earning every pause. This question leaves room for that.
Minsan kailangan ding matutuhan ang mag-enjoy, lalo na kung sanay kang kailangan mong paghirapan ang bawat pahinga. May space dito para doon.
How to use them
Before you ask
The best questions to ask Filipino parents are small and concrete: a meal they still remember, a place that made them feel welcome when they were new, a person who was fair to them when they were young. Big questions like “what was your childhood like?” tend to get “ayos lang, mahirap pero masaya” and a change of subject.
Many Filipino parents were raised not to talk about themselves, and many who moved abroad simply never had the time. Hard years get summarized as “sakripisyo” (sacrifice) and left there. A specific question gives them permission to tell the actual story.
Ask in whichever language they are most at home in. Every card here has the Tagalog right under the English, so a parent who thinks in Filipino can read it in Filipino and answer the same way, while you follow along.
Good for
Tips
- Answer one yourself first. Parents open up more when it feels like a swap, not a survey.
- Use po if that’s how your family talks. It signals respect and softens a personal question.
- Don’t correct the details. Their version of the story is the one you are collecting.
- Ask the same question to each parent separately. They often remember the same event very differently.
- Stop at one good story. You can come back next Sunday.
Decks for this
How to ask without it feeling like an interview
Pick a moment that already exists: a long drive, cooking together, the hour after a family party when everyone else has gone home. Bring one or two questions, not a list. If an answer opens something, follow it with “tapos?” (and then?) instead of the next card.
If you want to keep the stories, ask before you record. Many parents talk more freely when the phone is face down, so it is fine to write things down afterward instead.
Filipino parents
Frequently asked questions
What questions should I ask my Filipino parents?
Ask about specific things: a meal that became a good memory, a habit they have carried since they were young, someone who was fair to them. Specific questions get stories; general ones get “okay lang.”
Why is it hard to talk to Filipino parents about feelings?
Many grew up in homes where love was shown through food, work and provision rather than words, and where talking about hardship felt like complaining. Questions about concrete memories are an easier way in than questions about feelings.
Can I ask these questions in Tagalog?
Yes. Every card on this page has an English and a Filipino version, so you can read it to your parents in Tagalog even if your own Tagalog is basic.
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