Questions · First-generation

Questions for first-gen kids who are doing it for the first time

Being first-generation means being first at a lot of things: the first in the family at college, the first to file the forms, the first to explain the job to your parents. These questions are for talking about that, with other first-gens or with the people cheering you on.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 54

Tell us about something you used to avoid that feels less scary now.

Kuwento mo yung dati mong iniiwasan pero hindi na ganun ka-scary ngayon.

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A note

Less scary is still movement. You do not have to be fearless to know something has changed.

Movement pa rin ang less scary. Hindi mo kailangang maging fearless para malaman na may nagbago.

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The questions

16 questions for first-generation students and grads

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

The firsts nobody explained

5 questions

The small skills you learned by watching, guessing and asking.

  1. Which small adulting skill are you proud you can do now?

    Anong small adulting skill ang proud kang kaya mo na ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Adulting skills can be funny and real at the same time. Paying, fixing, calling, cooking, asking: they all count.

    Nakakatawa pero real ang adulting skills. Magbayad, mag-ayos, tumawag, magluto, magtanong: counted lahat yan.

  2. Tell us about something you used to avoid that feels less scary now.

    Kuwento mo yung dati mong iniiwasan pero hindi na ganun ka-scary ngayon.

    Back of the card

    Less scary is still movement. You do not have to be fearless to know something has changed.

    Movement pa rin ang less scary. Hindi mo kailangang maging fearless para malaman na may nagbago.

  3. Recall the last time you tried something new just because you were curious.

    Ikuwento ang huling beses na sumubok ka ng bago dahil curious ka lang.

    Back of the card

    Would you try it again, or was once enough?

    Susubukan mo ba ulit, o sapat na ang minsan?

  4. When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

    Back of the card

    Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

  5. When learning something new, what help do you like from a friend?

    Kapag may bago kang inaaral, anong tulong ang gusto mo mula sa friend?

    Back of the card

    Show me once, let me try, or stay beside me — which help would you choose?

    Ipakita muna, hayaan akong sumubok, o samahan ako — alin ang pipiliin mong tulong?

Carrying the family’s hopes

5 questions

For first-gens who feel like they can’t afford to slow down.

  1. Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.

    Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.

    Back of the card

    Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.

    May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.

  2. Name one pressure you may have gotten used to carrying lately.

    Magbanggit ng isang pressure na baka nasanay ka nang dalhin lately.

    Back of the card

    Some pressure becomes familiar, but familiar does not always mean light. You can notice it without needing to solve it tonight.

    May pressure na nasasanayan, pero hindi ibig sabihin magaan na siya. Puwede mo munang mapansin bago ayusin.

  3. When pressure builds, what part of you feels like you have to handle everything alone?

    Kapag tumataas ang pressure, anong part mo ang feeling kailangan mong saluhin lahat mag-isa?

    Back of the card

    The proving part may have been trying to protect you. It can be thanked without letting it run the whole week.

    Baka sinusubukan ka lang protektahan ng part na yan. Puwede mo siyang pasalamatan nang hindi siya ang pinapahawak sa buong week.

  4. What are you afraid might happen if you rest, delay something, or do less for a while?

    Ano ang kinakatakot mong mangyari kung magpahinga ka, may i-delay, o bawasan muna ang ginagawa mo?

    Back of the card

    The fear behind busyness is worth hearing. It may show what has been asking too much from you.

    Pakinggan din yung takot sa likod ng pagiging busy. Baka may pinapakita siyang sobrang dami nang hinihingi sa'yo.

  5. Where do you need to be less harsh with yourself?

    Saan mo kailangang bawasan ang pagiging harsh sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    Being less harsh does not mean caring less. It can mean choosing a voice that helps you keep moving honestly.

    Hindi ibig sabihin na wala kang pakialam kapag hindi ka harsh. Baka mas helpful lang ang boses na hindi ka dinudurog.

What you’re proud of

6 questions

Say it out loud. Nobody else at home may know to ask.

  1. What difficult situation are you proud of handling?

    Anong mahirap na sitwasyon ang proud kang naharap mo?

    Back of the card

    You can pass or keep the situation private. What did handling it help you notice about your own abilities?

    Puwedeng mag-pass o itago ang sitwasyon. Ano ang napansin mong kaya mo pala matapos mong harapin iyon?

  2. What have you done recently that you are pleased about?

    Anong nagawa mo kamakailan ang ikinatuwa mo?

    Back of the card

    If your win had a tiny trophy, what would be written on it?

    Kung may maliit na trophy ang nagawa mo, ano ang nakasulat dito?

  3. Say one brave thing you can admit you want.

    Sabihin ang isang brave na bagay na kaya mong aminin na gusto mo.

    Back of the card

    Wanting can feel risky when the answer is not guaranteed. Naming the desire is already a brave kind of honesty.

    Risky minsan umamin ng gusto mo kapag walang guarantee. Pero courage na rin yung kaya mo siyang sabihin nang honest.

  4. Point to one direction you feel drawn toward, even if it is not fully clear yet.

    Magbanggit ng isang direction na feeling mo tinutulak ka, kahit hindi pa fully clear.

    Back of the card

    Clarity sometimes arrives after movement. You can honor the direction without pretending you know the whole path.

    Minsan dumarating ang clarity habang gumagalaw ka na. Puwede mong i-honor ang direction nang hindi nagpapanggap na alam mo ang buong path.

  5. If a friend said you have changed in a good way, what change would you hope they noticed?

    Kung sabihin ng friend mo na nagbago ka in a good way, anong change ang sana napansin nila?

    Back of the card

    The change you hope someone notices may point to what you have been quietly practicing.

    Yung change na sana mapansin nila baka yun yung tahimik mong pinapractice nitong season.

  6. What can you do now that would have surprised you a few years ago?

    Ano ang kaya mo na ngayon na hindi mo inakalang magagawa mo ilang taon na ang nakaraan?

    Back of the card

    Picture showing your younger self how you do it. What might surprise them first?

    Isipin na ipinapakita mo sa mas batang sarili mo kung paano mo ito ginagawa. Ano kaya ang una niyang ikagugulat?

How to use them

Before you ask

First-generation students carry two jobs: doing the thing, and figuring out how the thing works, usually without anyone at home who has done it before. The most useful conversations among first-gens are about both: what you had to learn the hard way, and the quiet pressure of being the one the family is counting on.

For many first-gen kids of immigrant families, including a lot of Filipino Americans, that pressure has a name. It is the sense that your parents’ sacrifice has to be paid back in results. It rarely gets said out loud, which is why it helps to have a question that asks.

Use the first group in a mentoring group or a first-gen student org, the second with a friend you trust, and the last one anywhere. Everyone should get to say what they’re proud of.

Good for

  • First-gen student organizations
  • Mentoring pairs and peer advising
  • Roommates in their first year away
  • Graduation dinners with family

Tips

  1. Pair a first-year with a senior first-gen. The senior answers first, which tells the first-year it’s okay to admit what was confusing.
  2. Keep the pressure questions small-group. Two or three people, not a full meeting.
  3. Don’t turn it into advice. Most first-gens have heard plenty; they want to be understood.
  4. End on pride, every time. It is the part that usually goes unsaid.

Decks for this

First-generation

Frequently asked questions

What questions can first-generation students talk about?

The firsts they had to figure out alone, the skills they’re proud of now, the pressure of family expectations, and what they would tell their younger self. Small specific questions open these up better than “how is college going?”

How can I support a first-generation college student?

Ask about what they figured out on their own and what they’re proud of, then listen without jumping to advice. Recognition of the extra work they do is often what’s missing.

Do these work for first-gen families who speak Tagalog at home?

Yes. The questions are written in English and every card also has a Filipino version, so you can ask your parents the same question in their language.

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