Questions · Deep questions for teens

Deep questions for teens, from someone who isn’t their parent

For the youth leader on the drive home from camp, the mentor at a weekly coffee, the older cousin or sibling a teenager actually texts back. Questions about who they’re becoming, what they’re carrying and what they hope for, at a pace they choose.

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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Reflect№ 05

Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

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A note

Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

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The questions

20 deep questions to ask a teen

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Who they’re becoming

5 questions

A gentle start. About change, not problems.

  1. Which part of your personality has been showing up more lately?

    Anong part ng personality mo ang mas lumalabas lately?

    Back of the card

    The parts showing up may be asking to be noticed, used, or cared for. Curiosity can be a gentle start.

    Yung parts na mas lumalabas, baka gusto lang mapansin, magamit, o maalagaan. Puwedeng curiosity muna ang start.

  2. Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

    I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

    Back of the card

    Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

    Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

  3. Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?

    Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.

    Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.

  4. Which part of your week do you need to be more honest with yourself about?

    Aling part ng week mo ang kailangan mong maging mas honest sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    Honesty does not have to be dramatic. It can start with admitting what is tiring, helping, missing, or changing.

    Hindi kailangang dramatic ang honesty. Puwede itong magsimula sa pag-amin kung ano ang nakakapagod, nakakatulong, kulang, o nagbabago.

  5. What has your body or mood been telling you these days?

    Ano ang sinasabi ng katawan o mood mo sa'yo lately?

    Back of the card

    Your tiredness, restlessness, or steadiness can give honest signals. Listening can help you choose with more care, not just more effort.

    Yung pagod, restlessness, o pagiging steady mo pwedeng magbigay ng honest signals. Kapag pinakinggan mo, mas makakapili ka nang may care, hindi puro effort lang.

What they’re carrying

6 questions

Pressure, expectations and the inner critic.

  1. Name one pressure you may have gotten used to carrying lately.

    Magbanggit ng isang pressure na baka nasanay ka nang dalhin lately.

    Back of the card

    Some pressure becomes familiar, but familiar does not always mean light. You can notice it without needing to solve it tonight.

    May pressure na nasasanayan, pero hindi ibig sabihin magaan na siya. Puwede mo munang mapansin bago ayusin.

  2. Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.

    Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.

    Back of the card

    Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.

    May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.

  3. Where do you need to be less harsh with yourself?

    Saan mo kailangang bawasan ang pagiging harsh sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    Being less harsh does not mean caring less. It can mean choosing a voice that helps you keep moving honestly.

    Hindi ibig sabihin na wala kang pakialam kapag hindi ka harsh. Baka mas helpful lang ang boses na hindi ka dinudurog.

  4. Pick one feeling you have today. What would you say to a friend who felt that too?

    Pumili ng isang feeling mo today. Ano ang sasabihin mo sa friend na ganun din ang nararamdaman?

    Back of the card

    Sometimes your gentlest wisdom shows up first for someone else. It may be allowed to come back to you too.

    Minsan mas mabilis lumabas ang lambing natin para sa iba. Baka puwede ring bumalik sa'yo yung same na wisdom.

  5. Where do you feel pulled in two directions?

    Saan mo nararamdaman na hinihila ka sa dalawang direction?

    Back of the card

    Feeling pulled does not mean you are weak. It may mean two real things are asking for your attention.

    Hindi ibig sabihin mahina ka kapag nahihila sa dalawang direction. Baka dalawang totoong bagay lang ang humihingi ng pansin.

  6. Name something you are carrying this week that people may not notice.

    Magsabi ng isang bitbit mo this week na baka hindi napapansin ng iba.

    Back of the card

    Not every weight is visible. Being honest about what you carry can make the load feel less unnamed.

    Hindi lahat ng bigat nakikita. Kapag honest ka sa bitbit mo, kahit hindi agad gumaan, hindi na siya sobrang labo.

What they want to be known for

5 questions

Values, in their own words.

  1. Which part of yourself are you learning to accept?

    Anong part ng sarili mo ang natututuhan mong tanggapin?

    Back of the card

    Acceptance can be slow and ordinary. Sometimes it begins when you stop arguing with one true part of yourself.

    Mabagal at ordinary minsan ang acceptance. Minsan nagsisimula siya kapag hindi mo na inaaway ang isang totoong part mo.

  2. Describe the kind of person your recent choices point toward.

    I-describe kung anong klaseng tao ang tinuturo ng recent choices mo.

    Back of the card

    Your choices are not the whole story, but they do point somewhere. Notice the direction without rushing to judge it.

    Hindi buong story ang choices mo, pero may direction silang tinuturo. Pansinin muna bago husgahan.

  3. Name something you want to be known for by people close to you.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na gusto mong maalala sa'yo ng mga taong close sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    The way you want to be known can reveal what you value. It can also guide one small choice today.

    Yung gusto mong maalala nila sa'yo, may pinapakitang value. Puwede rin siyang gumabay sa isang maliit na choice today.

  4. What do you like more about yourself than you used to?

    Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?

    Back of the card

    Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.

    Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.

  5. Name something that matters to you more now than it used to.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na mas mahalaga na sa'yo ngayon kaysa dati.

    Back of the card

    What matters can change as you grow. That shift is not betrayal; it may be a clearer kind of honesty.

    Puwedeng magbago ang mahalaga habang naggo-grow ka. Hindi agad betrayal yun; baka mas malinaw na honesty.

Only when they’re ready

4 questions

For a conversation that has already gone somewhere real.

  1. Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.

    Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.

    Back of the card

    You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?

    Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?

  2. When and where do you feel safe enough to be yourself?

    Kailan at saan mo nararamdaman na safe kang maging ikaw?

    Back of the card

    A place like that matters. It lets people meet the version of you that is not busy performing.

    Mahalaga ang ganung lugar. Doon nakikilala ng tao yung ikaw na hindi abala sa pagpapanggap.

  3. Name one hope you are protecting because it matters to you.

    Magsabi ng isang hope na iniingatan mo kasi mahalaga talaga sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    We often protect the hopes that feel tender. You can hold it carefully without pretending it does not matter.

    Madalas nating ingatan ang hopes na tender. Puwede mo siyang hawakan nang maingat nang hindi nagkukunwaring hindi siya mahalaga.

  4. Name one truth about yourself that is becoming harder to ignore.

    Magsabi ng isang truth tungkol sa sarili mo na mas mahirap nang i-ignore.

    Back of the card

    A truth that keeps returning may not be trying to shame you. It may be asking for honest attention.

    Yung truth na paulit-ulit bumabalik, baka hindi ka pinapahiya. Baka humihingi lang siya ng honest na pansin.

How to use them

Before you ask

Teens will go deep with an adult who isn’t their parent, as long as the question feels like curiosity and not an assessment. A youth leader, mentor, coach or older sibling has an advantage parents don’t: no curfew to enforce, no report card on the fridge. That makes it easier for a teenager to say what’s actually going on.

The usual mistake is jumping straight to the heavy questions, or treating the answer as an opening for advice. Start with who they’re becoming, which is a question about change they usually enjoy. Listen far longer than feels natural. If they say something real, thank them for it before you say anything else.

These work best side by side rather than face to face: in the car, on a walk, while shooting hoops or washing dishes after youth night. One question per conversation is often enough. For a parent talking to their own teenager, the questions for teenagers page is the better fit.

Good for

  • Youth leaders and small group leaders
  • Mentors and coaches
  • Older siblings and cousins
  • Car rides home from camp or practice
  • Confirmation and discipleship mentors

Tips

  1. Ask one question and wait through the silence. Teens often answer on the second pause.
  2. Pick a side-by-side setting: the car, a walk, a shared task.
  3. Don’t correct their answer. Ask what makes them say that.
  4. Come back to it next week. Remembering what they said matters more than any question.
  5. Skip questions about dating, grades and their parents unless they bring them up.

Decks for this

A few ground rules for mentors

Tell them they can pass on any question, and mean it. Answer the question yourself if they ask, honestly and briefly, without turning it into a story about you.

Keep what they share private, with one exception they should know about: if a teen tells you they are being hurt, are hurting themselves or are in danger, follow your church’s, school’s or program’s safeguarding policy and bring in the right adult. Saying so up front builds more trust than promising total secrecy.

Deep questions for teens

Frequently asked questions

What are good deep questions to ask teens?

Questions about who they’re becoming, the pressure they carry and what they want to be known for: a part of their personality that has been showing up more, an expectation that feels too heavy, a part of themselves they’re learning to accept. Asked by a trusted adult, one at a time, they open real conversations.

How do you get a teenager to open up to a mentor?

Talk side by side instead of face to face, ask one question and wait, and listen without fixing. Consistency matters more than technique: teens open up to the adult who keeps showing up.

Are these questions okay for a youth group?

They are written for one-on-one or very small groups. For a full youth group, start with lighter icebreakers for teens and keep these for smaller circles.

Bring a better question to the table.

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