Questions · Family check-in
Family check-in questions that go past “I’m fine”
Questions for checking in on someone in your family: a teenager who’s gone quiet, a kid after a hard week, a grown child across the country. A quick read on how they are, what helps, what they’re carrying, and something to look forward to.
- 17 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.
I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.
Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.
Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.
The questions
17 family check-in questions
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
A quick read
4 questions
How they’re doing lately, in their own words.
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Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?
Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?
Back of the card
The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.
Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.
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Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.
I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.
Back of the card
Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.
Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.
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Name one small choice that keeps affecting your mood, like sleep, food, screen time, movement, or who you talk to.
Magbanggit ng isang small choice na paulit-ulit na nakakaapekto sa mood mo, like tulog, food, screen time, galaw, o kung sino ang kausap mo.
Back of the card
Small choices become loud when they repeat. Noticing one can give you a kinder place to start.
Lumalaki ang epekto ng maliit na choice kapag paulit-ulit. Kapag napansin mo ang isa, may mas gentle kang starting point.
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After a busy or tiring season, how can people tell that you’ve actually rested?
After ng busy o nakakapagod na season, paano malalaman ng mga tao na nakapagpahinga ka talaga?
Back of the card
Real rest often shows up quietly: more patience, more jokes, clearer thoughts, or simply a softer face.
Madalas tahimik lang makita ang tunay na pahinga: mas mahaba ang pasensya, mas may jokes, mas malinaw mag-isip, o mas maaliwalas lang.
What actually helps
6 questions
So you can help the way they want, not the way you’d guess.
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When you share a worry with me, what do you usually need first: comfort, understanding, or ideas?
Kapag nag-share ka ng worry sa akin, ano ang usually kailangan mo muna: comfort, understanding, o ideas?
Back of the card
All three can be caring, but the order matters. Asking first can help prevent accidental frustration.
Puwedeng caring lahat ng tatlo, pero mahalaga ang order. Kapag nagtatanong muna, mas naiiwasan ang accidental frustration.
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After a hard day, what simple comfort from me helps you feel okay again?
After a hard day, anong simpleng comfort mula sa akin ang nakakatulong sa'yo maging okay ulit?
Back of the card
Comfort does not have to fix everything. Sometimes it just needs to remind your partner they are not carrying the day alone.
Hindi kailangang ayusin ng comfort ang lahat. Minsan sapat na ma-remind ang partner mo na hindi niya dala ang araw mag-isa.
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When we are both tired, what small help from me would mean a lot?
Kapag pareho tayong pagod, anong maliit na tulong mula sa akin ang malaking bagay sa'yo?
Back of the card
Tired love does not need grand effort. Small, realistic support can help you stay close without asking too much from either of you.
Hindi kailangan ng grand effort kapag pareho kayong pagod. Minsan maliit at realistic na support ang tumutulong para manatiling close kayo.
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When you are stressed, what signs do you wish I noticed sooner?
Kapag stressed ka, anong signs ang sana mas napapansin ko agad?
Back of the card
Stress can show up as silence, busyness, or short replies. Knowing the signs helps your support arrive earlier.
Minsan lumalabas ang stress sa tahimik, busy, o maikling sagot. Kapag alam mo ang signs, mas maagang dumarating ang support.
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How would you like a friend to respond when you are too tired to join a plan?
Kapag sobrang pagod ka para sumama, paano mo gustong mag-react ang friend sa pagtanggi mo?
Back of the card
Missing one plan does not mean you want to stop being invited.
Hindi ibig sabihin na ayaw mo nang yayain kapag hindi ka nakasama minsan.
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What kind of message from a friend is easy for you to reply to?
Anong message mula sa friend ang madali mong sagutin?
Back of the card
You could write an example with no names or real chat details.
Puwede kang gumawa ng halimbawa na walang pangalan o detalye ng totoong chat.
What they’re carrying
4 questions
For when the quick answers suggest there’s more.
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Where are you spending energy that you wish you could save?
Saan napupunta ang energy mo na sana naiipon mo na lang?
Back of the card
Energy is limited, even when love or responsibility is real. Noticing the drain is the first step toward caring for it.
Limited ang energy, kahit totoo ang love o responsibility. Kapag napansin mo kung saan ka nauubos, mas maalagaan mo siya.
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Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.
Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.
Back of the card
Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.
May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.
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What have you been putting off that might bring relief once you start?
Ano yung matagal mo nang pinapabukas na baka gumaan kapag nasimulan mo na?
Back of the card
Starting can be the hardest part because it makes the thing real. Relief may come before everything is finished.
Minsan pinakamahirap magsimula kasi nagiging real na yung bagay. Pero minsan nauunang dumating ang relief bago matapos lahat.
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Where do you feel pulled in two directions?
Saan mo nararamdaman na hinihila ka sa dalawang direction?
Back of the card
Feeling pulled does not mean you are weak. It may mean two real things are asking for your attention.
Hindi ibig sabihin mahina ka kapag nahihila sa dalawang direction. Baka dalawang totoong bagay lang ang humihingi ng pansin.
Something to look forward to
3 questions
End the check-in pointed forward.
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What are you looking forward to over the next few weeks?
Ano ang inaabangan mo sa susunod na mga linggo?
Back of the card
Finish if you like: "The part I cannot wait for is..."
Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Ang pinaka-inaabangan ko ay..."
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Name one thing that would make next month feel a little lighter.
Magbanggit ng isang bagay na makakatulong para mas gumaan nang konti ang next month.
Back of the card
A lighter month does not have to mean a perfect one. Even one less weight can change how a season feels.
Hindi kailangang perfect ang mas magaan na month. Kahit isang bawas na bigat, iba na ang pakiramdam ng season.
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Who do you wish you could spend more normal, no-special-plan time with?
Sino yung gusto mong makasama nang mas madalas, kahit walang special na lakad?
Back of the card
Ordinary time can build closeness slowly. Not every good moment needs an occasion.
Nakakabuo rin ng closeness ang ordinaryong time. Hindi lahat ng magandang moment kailangan may special na lakad.
How to use them
Before you ask
A family check-in is a short, deliberate question about how someone is really doing. In families it often goes wrong in one of two ways: we ask “are you okay?” and accept “yeah,” or we notice something is off and jump straight to advice.
These questions sit in between. The “what helps” group is the heart of it: whether they want comfort, understanding or ideas when they share a worry; what small help means a lot when they’re tired. Ask those once and you’ll know how to show up for months.
Check-ins work over text and video too, which matters when family is spread out. With a grown child, one honest question in a Sunday call often does more than a long catch-up about logistics.
Good for
Tips
- Ask what helps before you offer any help.
- Accept a short answer the first time; ask once more, gently, later.
- Check in on a regular day, not only when something is wrong.
- Answer the question yourself so it’s not one-directional.
- Over text, send one question, not five.
Decks for this
Family check-in
Frequently asked questions
What are good check-in questions for family?
Ask how they’ve been feeling different lately, what they need first when they share a worry (comfort, understanding or ideas), what they’ve been putting off, and one thing that would make next month lighter.
How do I check in on my teenager without prying?
Ask about what helps rather than what happened, at a low-pressure time like a drive. Take a short answer gracefully; teens open up more when they don’t feel cornered.
How often should families check in?
A light weekly check-in works for most families, with a deeper one when someone is going through a change.
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