Questions · Father-in-law

Questions to ask your father-in-law when the small talk runs out

Questions to ask your father-in-law after the weather and the traffic: easy ground for the first visits, his working life, what he’s proud of, and a few for getting closer over the years.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 46

When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

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A note

Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

16 questions to ask your father-in-law

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Easy ground

4 questions

Neighborhood ideas, harmless habits, small annoyances.

  1. If someone funded one helpful idea for your neighborhood, what would you build or improve?

    Kung may sasagot sa gastos, ano ang gagawin o aayusin mo para makatulong sa lugar ninyo?

    Back of the card

    Picture its first day in use. What would you be happy to see people doing?

    Isipin ang unang araw na ginagamit na ito. Ano ang ikatutuwa mong ginagawa ng mga tao?

  2. Before leaving the house, what do you always check?

    Bago umalis ng bahay, ano yung lagi mong chine-check?

    Back of the card

    Small checks are tiny protection from future hassle. Everyone has one thing they refuse to leave up to memory.

    Maliit lang yung check, pero nakakaiwas sa future hassle. Lahat tayo may isang bagay na hindi pwedeng memory lang.

  3. If you could remove one tiny daily inconvenience forever, what would you remove?

    Kung kaya mong tanggalin forever ang isang tiny daily inconvenience, ano ang tatanggalin mo?

    Back of the card

    Tiny inconveniences can be louder than they deserve. Removing one forever would feel like a quiet luxury.

    Minsan ang ingay ng tiny inconveniences. Kapag natanggal forever yung isa, quiet luxury na agad.

  4. Choose a memory power: remember every name or remember every route you have taken.

    Pumili ng memory power: tandaan lahat ng pangalan o lahat ng daang nadaanan mo.

    Back of the card

    Give your memory power a name. It can sound heroic or completely ordinary.

    Bigyan ng pangalan ang memory power mo. Puwedeng pang-hero o ordinaryo lang.

His working life

4 questions

How he works, decides and celebrates. Most dads-in-law like this one.

  1. If someone worked or studied with you for one week, what would they notice about your style?

    Kung may makakasama ka sa work o school for one week, ano kaya ang mapapansin nila sa style mo?

    Back of the card

    Your style may show in pace, focus, questions, breaks, or how you handle pressure. People notice more than we think.

    Pwedeng lumabas ang style mo sa pace, focus, tanong, breaks, o paano ka humarap sa pressure. Marami palang napapansin ang tao.

  2. When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

    Back of the card

    Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

  3. Share the first time you did something on your own and felt more capable afterward.

    Ikuwento ang unang beses mong gumawa ng isang bagay mag-isa at naisip mong, "Kaya ko pala."

    Back of the card

    Finish if you like: "That was when I realized I could..."

    Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Doon ko naisip na kaya ko palang..."

  4. After finishing something hard, how do you usually celebrate or recover?

    Kapag natapos mo ang mahirap na bagay, paano ka usually nagse-celebrate o nagre-recover?

    Back of the card

    Finishing something hard deserves a landing. Some people mark it loudly; some just need a quiet exhale.

    Kapag may natapos kang mahirap, kailangan din ng landing. May nagse-celebrate nang malakas; may tahimik na hinga lang.

What he’s proud of

4 questions

Ask about the hard things he handled.

  1. What difficult situation are you proud of handling?

    Anong mahirap na sitwasyon ang proud kang naharap mo?

    Back of the card

    You can pass or keep the situation private. What did handling it help you notice about your own abilities?

    Puwedeng mag-pass o itago ang sitwasyon. Ano ang napansin mong kaya mo pala matapos mong harapin iyon?

  2. What have you done recently that you are pleased about?

    Anong nagawa mo kamakailan ang ikinatuwa mo?

    Back of the card

    If your win had a tiny trophy, what would be written on it?

    Kung may maliit na trophy ang nagawa mo, ano ang nakasulat dito?

  3. Tell us about a small thing you can do now that would have amazed you as a kid.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na bagay na kaya mo na ngayon na maa-amaze ka kung bata ka pa.

    Back of the card

    Progress can look ordinary from the outside. But younger you might know exactly how big that ordinary thing is.

    Mukhang ordinaryo minsan ang progress. Pero baka alam ng batang ikaw kung gaano kalaki yung ordinaryong bagay na yan.

  4. What do you like more about yourself than you used to?

    Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?

    Back of the card

    Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.

    Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.

Getting closer

4 questions

For later visits, once there’s a rhythm.

  1. Who is someone you respect for the way they live, even in small things?

    Sino yung taong nirerespeto mo sa paraan ng buhay niya, kahit sa maliliit na bagay?

    Back of the card

    Respect often begins with small, steady things. A simple habit can show a lot about how someone moves through life.

    Madalas nagsisimula ang respeto sa maliliit pero consistent na bagay. May simpleng habit na maraming sinasabi tungkol sa isang tao.

  2. When did you last change your mind after hearing a good reason?

    Kailan ka huling nagbago ng isip dahil may narinig kang magandang reason?

    Back of the card

    Try an optional before-and-after: "I thought..., but now..."

    Kung gusto mo: "Dati, akala ko..., pero ngayon..."

  3. What is a recent act of kindness that caught you by surprise?

    Anong magandang ginawa sa'yo lately ang hindi mo inaasahan?

    Back of the card

    Keep names private if you like. Picture the instant you realized what they had done for you.

    Puwedeng itago ang mga pangalan. Balikan ang sandaling naisip mo kung ano ang ginawa nila para sa'yo.

  4. Who do you wish you could spend more normal, no-special-plan time with?

    Sino yung gusto mong makasama nang mas madalas, kahit walang special na lakad?

    Back of the card

    Ordinary time can build closeness slowly. Not every good moment needs an occasion.

    Nakakabuo rin ng closeness ang ordinaryong time. Hindi lahat ng magandang moment kailangan may special na lakad.

How to use them

Before you ask

Conversations with a father-in-law often stall after the weather, the traffic and how work is going. Many fathers-in-law are friendly but not chatty, and the sons- and daughters-in-law end up making small talk for years. The trick is to ask about things he has real opinions and experience in.

Start with easy, practical ground: one helpful thing he’d build in the neighborhood, what he always checks before leaving the house. Then ask about his working life, his style, how he decides when plans change. Questions about doing are easier for many men than questions about feeling, and they reveal a lot.

Over time, move to what he’s proud of and who he respects. Ask on a walk or a drive, not across the dinner table with the whole family listening.

Good for

  • First visits to your partner’s family
  • Golf, fishing or a project together
  • Father’s Day
  • Car rides to family events
  • Sons- and daughters-in-law building their own relationship

Tips

  1. Ask for his advice on something practical; most fathers-in-law appreciate it.
  2. Talk side by side: grilling, fixing, driving.
  3. Don’t compete; ask follow-ups instead of topping his story.
  4. Remember one detail and ask about it next visit.
  5. Leave the deeper questions for one-on-one time.

Decks for this

Father-in-law

Frequently asked questions

What do you talk about with your father-in-law?

Start with practical topics he has opinions on, like a helpful idea for the neighborhood. Then ask about his working style, a difficult situation he’s proud of handling, and someone he respects.

How do I connect with a quiet father-in-law?

Do something side by side, ask about his experience and skills, and be comfortable with pauses. Consistency over many visits matters more than any one conversation.

Do these work with a stepfather-in-law?

Yes. They’re about him and his life, so they work for any father figure in your partner’s family.

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