Questions · Dad

Questions to ask your dad, side by side

Questions to ask your dad that work shoulder to shoulder, at the grill, in the garage, on a drive. Easy ones first, then how he learned what he knows, what he carries without saying, and what he’d want to pass on.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 46

When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

Tap to flipkumustahan
A note

Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

16 questions to ask your dad

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Side by side

5 questions

For the hardware store, the grill or the driver’s seat.

  1. Which small outside task do you secretly like doing, like buying something, picking something up, or dropping something off?

    Anong maliit na task sa labas ang secretly gusto mong gawin, like bumili, kumuha, o maghatid ng something?

    Back of the card

    A small task outside can feel strangely satisfying. It gives the day a tiny mission with a clear finish line.

    May small task sa labas na strangely satisfying. Parang may tiny mission yung araw, tapos malinaw kung kailan tapos.

  2. Name the small thing you always bring, even for a quick errand.

    Sabihin yung small thing na lagi mong dala kahit quick errand lang.

    Back of the card

    The thing you always bring has earned its place. It may be small, but it clearly passed the trust test.

    Yung lagi mong dala, may reason yan. Maliit lang siya, pero clearly pasado sa trust test.

  3. With an unlimited budget, what extra room would you add to your home?

    Kung walang limit ang budget, anong dagdag na kuwarto ang gusto mo sa bahay?

    Back of the card

    If the new room had a sign on its door, what would it say?

    Kung may karatula sa pinto ng bagong kuwarto, ano ang nakasulat doon?

  4. If you could open a tiny shop just for fun, what would it sell?

    Kung magbubukas ka ng maliit na tindahan for fun, ano ang ibebenta mo?

    Back of the card

    What would you call your shop?

    Ano ang ipapangalan mo sa tindahan?

  5. Name one harmless opinion you take seriously, like food, movies, habits, or small preferences.

    Magbanggit ng isang harmless opinion na seryoso ka, like food, movies, habits, o small preferences.

    Back of the card

    Harmless opinions are a safe place to be dramatic. The stakes are low, but the conviction can still be strong.

    Safe maging dramatic sa harmless opinions. Low stakes lang, pero pwedeng strong pa rin ang conviction.

How he learned

4 questions

Most dads talk more easily about doing than feeling. Start with doing.

  1. Which kind of task makes you lose track of time?

    Anong klaseng task yung nakakalimutan mong oras kapag ginagawa mo?

    Back of the card

    The tasks that make time move fast can reveal what absorbs you, energizes you, or quietly fits how your mind works.

    Yung tasks na nagpapabilis ng oras pwedeng clue kung ano ang kumukuha ng focus mo, nagpapagana sa'yo, o bagay sa utak mo.

  2. When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

    Back of the card

    Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

  3. When did you last change your mind after hearing a good reason?

    Kailan ka huling nagbago ng isip dahil may narinig kang magandang reason?

    Back of the card

    Try an optional before-and-after: "I thought..., but now..."

    Kung gusto mo: "Dati, akala ko..., pero ngayon..."

  4. When did you realize a habit you already had was helping you?

    Kailan mo na-realize na nakakatulong pala yung habit na meron ka na?

    Back of the card

    Helpful habits are not always dramatic. Sometimes you only notice them when life feels a little easier because they are there.

    Hindi laging dramatic ang helpful habits. Minsan mo lang sila napapansin kapag mas gumagaan ang life dahil nandiyan sila.

What he carries quietly

4 questions

He may not bring these up. He might answer them.

  1. Where are you spending energy that you wish you could save?

    Saan napupunta ang energy mo na sana naiipon mo na lang?

    Back of the card

    Energy is limited, even when love or responsibility is real. Noticing the drain is the first step toward caring for it.

    Limited ang energy, kahit totoo ang love o responsibility. Kapag napansin mo kung saan ka nauubos, mas maalagaan mo siya.

  2. When pressure builds, what part of you feels like you have to handle everything alone?

    Kapag tumataas ang pressure, anong part mo ang feeling kailangan mong saluhin lahat mag-isa?

    Back of the card

    The proving part may have been trying to protect you. It can be thanked without letting it run the whole week.

    Baka sinusubukan ka lang protektahan ng part na yan. Puwede mo siyang pasalamatan nang hindi siya ang pinapahawak sa buong week.

  3. During a busy week, what signs tell you that you are still doing okay?

    Kapag busy ang week, anong signs ang nagsasabi sa'yo na okay ka pa naman?

    Back of the card

    Your signs may be small: sleep, patience, appetite, humor, or the ability to answer messages without dread.

    Puwedeng maliit lang yung signs: tulog, pasensya, gana kumain, humor, o kaya mong sumagot ng messages nang hindi mabigat.

  4. Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.

    Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.

    Back of the card

    You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?

    Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?

What he’d pass on

3 questions

Values in his own words, not a speech.

  1. Name something you want to be known for by people close to you.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na gusto mong maalala sa'yo ng mga taong close sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    The way you want to be known can reveal what you value. It can also guide one small choice today.

    Yung gusto mong maalala nila sa'yo, may pinapakitang value. Puwede rin siyang gumabay sa isang maliit na choice today.

  2. Describe the kind of person your recent choices point toward.

    I-describe kung anong klaseng tao ang tinuturo ng recent choices mo.

    Back of the card

    Your choices are not the whole story, but they do point somewhere. Notice the direction without rushing to judge it.

    Hindi buong story ang choices mo, pero may direction silang tinuturo. Pansinin muna bago husgahan.

  3. Pick one value you want to show up in your week.

    Pumili ng isang value na gusto mong makita sa week mo.

    Back of the card

    A value becomes real in small choices. One week is enough space to practice it gently.

    Nagiging real ang value sa maliliit na choices. Sapat na ang isang week para i-practice siya nang gentle.

How to use them

Before you ask

A lot of dads answer a direct “how are you really?” with “good” and change the subject. That isn’t a wall; it’s a format problem. Many dads talk more easily side by side, doing something together, about something concrete. Ask which errand he secretly likes or what room he’d add to the house, and the conversation starts on its own.

From there, ask how he learned things: the task that makes him lose track of time, how he decides what to drop when plans change, when he last changed his mind. Those questions get at who he is without asking him to describe himself.

Save the quieter questions for a long drive or a late night. Dads who carry a lot rarely volunteer it, but many will answer if the question is specific and nobody else is listening.

Good for

  • Long drives and fishing trips
  • Father’s Day
  • Working on a project together
  • Phone calls with a dad who “isn’t a phone person”
  • Grown kids getting to know their dad as an adult

Tips

  1. Ask while you’re doing something together; side by side beats face to face.
  2. Start with a concrete question about skills or work.
  3. Let silence sit. Some dads think before they answer.
  4. Don’t correct his story, even if you remember it differently.
  5. Ask one quiet question per visit, not five.

Decks for this

Dad

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask your dad?

Start concrete: which small errand he secretly enjoys, what he’d sell in a tiny shop, which task makes him lose track of time. Then ask how he decides what matters when plans change and what he wants to be known for.

How do I get my dad to open up?

Talk side by side while doing something, ask specific rather than big questions, and give him time to answer. Sharing something of your own first helps.

What deep questions can I ask my dad?

Ask where he spends energy he wishes he could save, what part of him feels he has to handle everything alone, and what he wishes people understood about his life lately.

Bring a better question to the table.

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