Tips · Dads
How to talk to your dad beyond the weather and the game
A lot of dads show love by fixing things and checking your tire pressure, not by talking about feelings. You can still have real conversations with him. You just have to come in through a side door.
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Who taught you a work or school habit you still use, and what was it?
Sino yung nagturo sa'yo ng work o school habit na gamit mo pa rin, at ano yun?
Some habits come from people who modeled them first. Their way of doing things can quietly become part of yours.
May habits na galing sa taong nauna lang magpakita. Tahimik mong nadadala yung style nila hanggang maging part na rin ng style mo.
In short
The idea
Many dads talk most easily about what they know how to do, so ask him to teach you something or tell you how he learned it. Questions about his first job, the car he drove at twenty or how his own father did things open doors that “How are you feeling?” never will.
This is for adult kids whose calls with Dad last four minutes and cover weather, sports and whether you’re still driving that car. It works for stepdads, granddads and father figures too.
Good for
Tips
- Ask what happened, not how he felt about it.
- Ask for his advice on something small.
- Talk while doing something together.
- Ask about his own father and his first job.
- Keep at it; a little on every call adds up.
Decks for this
Come in through the side door
Plenty of men of a certain generation were raised to answer feelings questions with “I’m fine”. Ask him about what happened instead, or what he did, or how something works, and the feelings tend to come along on their own.
“What was your first job like?” leads to a boss he couldn’t stand, then to why he left, then to what he wanted back then. You got somewhere real without ever asking him how he felt.
Ask for his advice
Being asked for advice is a kind of respect, and most dads light up. It doesn’t have to be a big decision: how to get rust off a bike, what to look for in a used car, how he negotiated his first raise, how he handles a difficult coworker. Then ask how he learned that, and you’re into his story.
Do something together
Many dads talk better with their hands busy. Fix something together, go fishing, watch the game, take a drive, cook his signature dish with him. Conversations that happen during an activity have no pressure to be meaningful, which is exactly why they sometimes are.
If you live far away, a video call while he shows you the garden or the project in the garage beats a call where you sit and stare at each other.
Ask about his life before you
Most of us know surprisingly little about our dads before we were born. A few doors to try:
- What did his own dad do for work, and what was he like?
- Where did he live at your age, and what was his apartment like?
- What was the first car he bought with his own money?
- What did he and his friends do on a Friday night?
- What did he think his life would look like at forty?
If you’d like to record his answers, the tips in how to interview your grandparents work just as well for a dad.
Give it more than one try
Your dad may not be used to this kind of conversation with you, and the first attempt might be short. That’s fine. Keep the questions small and regular, a little bit on every call or visit, and let it build. Some of the best stories come out months later, when he remembers something you asked about.
The questions
Questions to ask your dad
Real cards from the app, chosen for dads who prefer stories and skills to feelings talk.
Over the grill or in the garage
5 questions
Easy, practical openers.
-
Before leaving the house, what do you always check?
Bago umalis ng bahay, ano yung lagi mong chine-check?
Back of the card
Small checks are tiny protection from future hassle. Everyone has one thing they refuse to leave up to memory.
Maliit lang yung check, pero nakakaiwas sa future hassle. Lahat tayo may isang bagay na hindi pwedeng memory lang.
-
Which small outside task do you secretly like doing, like buying something, picking something up, or dropping something off?
Anong maliit na task sa labas ang secretly gusto mong gawin, like bumili, kumuha, o maghatid ng something?
Back of the card
A small task outside can feel strangely satisfying. It gives the day a tiny mission with a clear finish line.
May small task sa labas na strangely satisfying. Parang may tiny mission yung araw, tapos malinaw kung kailan tapos.
-
Rate your normal-day clumsiness from 1 to 5, then share one example.
I-rate from 1 to 5 kung gaano ka ka-clumsy on a normal day, tapos mag-share ng isang example.
Back of the card
Clumsiness has a range, and honesty makes the rating better. One good example can turn any score into evidence.
May range ang clumsiness, at mas funny kapag honest. Isang good example lang, kahit anong score may ebidensya.
-
With an unlimited budget, what extra room would you add to your home?
Kung walang limit ang budget, anong dagdag na kuwarto ang gusto mo sa bahay?
Back of the card
If the new room had a sign on its door, what would it say?
Kung may karatula sa pinto ng bagong kuwarto, ano ang nakasulat doon?
-
If someone funded one helpful idea for your neighborhood, what would you build or improve?
Kung may sasagot sa gastos, ano ang gagawin o aayusin mo para makatulong sa lugar ninyo?
Back of the card
Picture its first day in use. What would you be happy to see people doing?
Isipin ang unang araw na ginagamit na ito. Ano ang ikatutuwa mong ginagawa ng mga tao?
His skills and how he learned them
5 questions
Ask for the lesson, get the story.
-
Who taught you a work or school habit you still use, and what was it?
Sino yung nagturo sa'yo ng work o school habit na gamit mo pa rin, at ano yun?
Back of the card
Some habits come from people who modeled them first. Their way of doing things can quietly become part of yours.
May habits na galing sa taong nauna lang magpakita. Tahimik mong nadadala yung style nila hanggang maging part na rin ng style mo.
-
What useful skill did someone patiently teach you?
Anong kasanayan ang matiyagang itinuro sa'yo ng isang tao?
Back of the card
Imagine you are teaching the skill now. What would you show a beginner first?
Isipin na ikaw naman ang nagtuturo nito. Ano ang una mong ipapakita sa baguhan?
-
Who is someone you respect for the way they live, even in small things?
Sino yung taong nirerespeto mo sa paraan ng buhay niya, kahit sa maliliit na bagay?
Back of the card
Respect often begins with small, steady things. A simple habit can show a lot about how someone moves through life.
Madalas nagsisimula ang respeto sa maliliit pero consistent na bagay. May simpleng habit na maraming sinasabi tungkol sa isang tao.
-
As you got older, which habit at home started to make more sense to you?
Habang tumatanda ka, anong habit sa bahay ninyo ang mas nagme-make sense na sa'yo ngayon?
Back of the card
Getting older can change the way you see home. A habit may look different once you know more of the story.
Habang tumatanda, nag-iiba rin minsan ang tingin natin sa bahay. May habit na mas naiintindihan kapag alam mo na ang kuwento.
-
After finishing something hard, how do you usually celebrate or recover?
Kapag natapos mo ang mahirap na bagay, paano ka usually nagse-celebrate o nagre-recover?
Back of the card
Finishing something hard deserves a landing. Some people mark it loudly; some just need a quiet exhale.
Kapag may natapos kang mahirap, kailangan din ng landing. May nagse-celebrate nang malakas; may tahimik na hinga lang.
The bigger stuff, slowly
6 questions
For a long drive or a late evening.
-
Tell about a ride home with friends that you still remember.
Magkuwento ng pag-uwi kasama ang friends na naaalala mo pa.
Back of the card
You could remember just the last thing someone said before you parted.
Puwedeng balikan ang huling sinabi bago kayo naghiwa-hiwalay.
-
Who do you enjoy eating with, even if the food is simple?
Sino yung masarap kasamang kumain kahit simple lang ang pagkain?
Back of the card
The company can change the meal. Some people make even ordinary food feel warmer.
Iba ang pagkain kapag okay ang kasama. May mga taong kahit simpleng meal, gumagaan yung moment.
-
What difficult situation are you proud of handling?
Anong mahirap na sitwasyon ang proud kang naharap mo?
Back of the card
You can pass or keep the situation private. What did handling it help you notice about your own abilities?
Puwedeng mag-pass o itago ang sitwasyon. Ano ang napansin mong kaya mo pala matapos mong harapin iyon?
-
Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
-
If you had one free hour every week, what hobby would you go back to?
Kung may isang free hour ka every week, anong hobby ang babalikan mo?
Back of the card
A hobby you miss can point to a part of you that still wants some space.
Yung hobby na nami-miss mo minsan tumuturo sa part ng sarili mo na gusto pa rin ng konting space.
-
Name something that matters to you more now than it used to.
Magsabi ng isang bagay na mas mahalaga na sa'yo ngayon kaysa dati.
Back of the card
What matters can change as you grow. That shift is not betrayal; it may be a clearer kind of honesty.
Puwedeng magbago ang mahalaga habang naggo-grow ka. Hindi agad betrayal yun; baka mas malinaw na honesty.
How to talk to your dad
Frequently asked questions
How do I start a conversation with my dad?
Ask him to teach you something or to tell you how he learned it, or ask about his first job or car. Many dads find stories and skills easier to talk about than feelings.
What questions should I ask my dad before it’s too late?
Ask about his own parents, his childhood home, his first jobs, the friends he had at your age and what he hoped for back then. Write down or record the answers.
How can I have a deeper conversation with my father?
Start with practical topics, do something side by side, and ask about choices he made. Go slowly; deeper topics often come up on their own after a few easier talks.
Bring a better question to the table.
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