Questions · New relationship

Questions to ask in a new relationship, while it’s all still new

Questions for new couples in the first months together: the small quirks, the life each of you had before, and the early moments you’ll want to remember later.

  • 29 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 33

Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

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A note

Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

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The questions

29 questions to ask in a new relationship

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Quirks, rules and pet peeves

9 questions

The little things that save you a lot of guessing later.

  1. If someone were choosing a snack or drink for you, what’s one choice that would almost always work?

    Kung may pipili ng snack o drink para sa'yo, ano yung halos laging okay sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Tiny preferences can be an easy way to know someone better. It feels good when people remember the simple things.

    Minsan sa small preferences tayo mas nakikilala. Nakakatuwa rin kapag may nakakaalala ng simple things about you.

  2. Complete the line: I'm chill, but please don't ___.

    Kumpletuhin: Chill naman ako, pero please wag ___.

    Back of the card

    Tiny pet peeves are usually harmless, but they still deserve their moment. Everyone has a small line somewhere.

    Harmless lang ang tiny pet peeves, pero deserve din nila ng moment. Lahat tayo may small line somewhere.

  3. Confess one harmless habit you know is very you.

    I-confess yung harmless habit na very you talaga.

    Back of the card

    Harmless habits become part of your signature. They may be small, but people who know you probably notice.

    Yung harmless habits, nagiging signature mo rin. Maliit lang, pero napapansin yan ng mga nakakakilala sa'yo.

  4. Describe a tiny routine you do even if nobody notices.

    I-describe yung tiny routine mo kahit walang nakakapansin.

    Back of the card

    Tiny routines can be private proof that you have your own way of moving through the day.

    Yung tiny routines, private proof minsan na may sarili kang way gumalaw sa araw, sa sarili mong style.

  5. Choose your default reaction when something embarrassing happens.

    Piliin yung default reaction mo kapag may nakakahiya na nangyari.

    Back of the card

    Embarrassing moments reveal our automatic settings. Laugh, freeze, explain, escape: every reaction has its own logic.

    Lumalabas yung automatic settings natin kapag nakakahiya. Tawa, freeze, explain, takas: may logic lahat yan.

  6. Share one food rule your household still follows.

    Mag-share ng isang food rule na sinusunod pa rin sa bahay niyo.

    Back of the card

    House rules around food can be funny, practical, or oddly sacred. They carry the flavor of how people grew up.

    Yung food rules sa bahay, minsan funny, minsan practical, minsan oddly sacred. May flavor siya ng kinalakihan natin.

  7. Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

    Back of the card

    Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

    Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

  8. Would you rather always arrive twenty minutes early or exactly on time?

    Mas gusto mo bang laging dumating nang twenty minutes early o laging sakto sa oras?

    Back of the card

    Finish if you like: "While everyone else is getting ready, I..."

    Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Habang naghahanda pa ang iba, ako..."

  9. For a free weekend, would you prefer a full plan or a surprise?

    Sa weekend na wala kang kailangang gawin, kumpletong plano o surprise ang pipiliin mo?

    Back of the card

    Choose a detail that must stay on your weekend plan, even if everything else is a surprise.

    Pumili ng detalye na dapat kasama sa weekend mo kahit surprise ang lahat ng iba pa.

The life before you met

5 questions

Home, food and the people who shaped them.

  1. Who knows what you like, and what do they usually get right for you?

    Sino yung alam ang gusto mo, at ano yung madalas nilang natatama para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Being known can feel ordinary like that. Someone remembers your usual, your no-thanks, or the thing you always reach for.

    Minsan ganun kasimple yung feeling na kilala ka. May nakakaalala ng usual mo, ayaw mo, o lagi mong pinipili.

  2. Tell us about a small childhood memory you still remember clearly.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na childhood memory na malinaw pa rin sa'yo.

    Back of the card

    The memories that stay are not always the biggest ones. Sometimes one small scene keeps its color for years.

    Hindi laging pinakamalaki ang memories na naiiwan. Minsan isang maliit na scene ang malinaw pa rin kahit ang tagal na.

  3. As you got older, which habit at home started to make more sense to you?

    Habang tumatanda ka, anong habit sa bahay ninyo ang mas nagme-make sense na sa'yo ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Getting older can change the way you see home. A habit may look different once you know more of the story.

    Habang tumatanda, nag-iiba rin minsan ang tingin natin sa bahay. May habit na mas naiintindihan kapag alam mo na ang kuwento.

  4. Who do you enjoy eating with, even if the food is simple?

    Sino yung masarap kasamang kumain kahit simple lang ang pagkain?

    Back of the card

    The company can change the meal. Some people make even ordinary food feel warmer.

    Iba ang pagkain kapag okay ang kasama. May mga taong kahit simpleng meal, gumagaan yung moment.

  5. When you think of home, what small detail comes up first?

    Kapag naiisip mo ang home, anong maliit na detail ang unang pumapasok?

    Back of the card

    Home can be a smell, a sound, a person, a room, or one ordinary detail that stayed.

    Pwedeng amoy, tunog, tao, kwarto, o isang ordinaryong detail ang home. Minsan yun ang unang bumabalik.

The two of you, so far

9 questions

Early memories and how each of you likes to be met.

  1. What was one early moment that made you feel comfortable with me?

    Ano yung nangyare lately na naging comfortable ka sa akin?

    Back of the card

    Early comfort often says a lot about what still matters now: safety, humor, patience, or being easy to talk to.

    Maraming sinasabi ang early comfort tungkol sa mahalaga pa rin ngayon: safety, humor, patience, o gaan kausap.

  2. When we were still getting to know each other, what moment first made you feel like we could become something real?

    Noong kinikilala pa natin ang isa't isa, anong moment yung unang nagparamdam sa'yo na puwede tayong maging something real?

    Back of the card

    This is not about pressure or measuring the relationship. It is simply remembering when being together first started to feel possible.

    Hindi ito tungkol sa pressure o pag-sukat ng relationship. Pag-alala lang ito sa moment na unang naramdaman mong possible pala tayo.

  3. What kind of greeting from me makes you feel most welcomed?

    Anong klaseng bati mula sa akin ang pinaka-nagpaparamdam sa'yo na welcome ka?

    Back of the card

    The way you greet each other matters. Even a small hello can make coming back to each other feel warmer.

    Mahalaga kung paano ninyo binabati ang isa't isa. Kahit simpleng hello, puwedeng gawing mas warm ang pagbalik ninyo sa isa't isa.

  4. What simple date or hangout would you still enjoy with me?

    Anong simpleng date o hangout ang gusto mo pa ring gawin natin?

    Back of the card

    Simple plans can show what kind of togetherness feels good right now: quiet, playful, slow, active, or just being together.

    Sa simple plans, lumalabas kung anong klaseng togetherness ang masarap ngayon: tahimik, playful, chill, active, o basta magkasama.

  5. What small thing could make our next date feel more like our kind of date?

    Anong maliit na puwede nating gawin para mas bagay sa atin yung next date natin?

    Back of the card

    A good date does not have to impress anyone else. It just needs to fit the rhythm that feels real for both of you.

    Hindi kailangang magpa-impress sa iba ang magandang date. Mas okay kapag bagay sa totoong rhythm ninyong dalawa.

  6. When do you feel most at ease, or comfortable with me?

    Kailan ka pinaka-komportable at magaan kapag kasama mo ako?

    Back of the card

    Ease is worth noticing too. It shows what already helps the relationship breathe without trying too hard.

    Worth pansinin din yung gaan. Ipinapakita nito kung ano na yung tumutulong sa relationship na huminga nang hindi pinipilit.

  7. What makes you feel like I am really paying attention to you?

    Ano yung nagpaparamdam sa'yo na talagang nakikinig at attentive ako?

    Back of the card

    Attention feels like love when it feels personal. Specific examples help your partner know what to keep doing.

    Mas ramdam ang love kapag personal ang attention. Kapag specific ang example, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang ipagpapatuloy.

  8. When we are around other people, what makes you feel seen by me?

    Kapag may ibang tao sa paligid, ano yung nagpaparamdam sa'yo na napapansin pa rin kita?

    Back of the card

    Being seen around others can feel deeply reassuring. It shows your connection still matters, even when people are watching.

    Nakakapanatag kapag ramdam mong nakikita ka kahit may ibang tao. Pinapakita nito na mahalaga pa rin ang connection ninyo, kahit may nakakakita.

  9. When you share good news with me, what first response helps you feel celebrated?

    Kapag nag-share ka sa akin ng good news, anong unang response ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na sine-celebrate kita?

    Back of the card

    Celebrating well is a kind of care. It shows your partner that their joy has space with you.

    Care din ang marunong mag-celebrate. Pinaparamdam nito sa partner mo na may space sa'yo ang joy niya.

When it starts to feel serious

6 questions

How you each talk about the harder things. No rush.

  1. What kind of message from me makes you feel close to me when we are apart?

    Anong klaseng message mula sa akin ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na close pa rin tayo kahit magkalayo?

    Back of the card

    Distance does not always need constant contact. Sometimes one thoughtful message can help you feel connected again.

    Hindi laging constant contact ang kailangan kapag magkalayo. Minsan isang thoughtful na message lang, nakakatulong nang maramdaman ulit ang connection.

  2. When is it easiest for you to have a serious conversation with me?

    Kailan mas madali para sa'yo makipag-usap sa akin tungkol sa serious na bagay?

    Back of the card

    Good timing does not make hard topics disappear. It just helps both people stay calmer, clearer, and more present.

    Hindi nawawala ang hard topics dahil sa good timing. Pero nakakatulong ito para mas kalmado, malinaw, at present kayong dalawa.

  3. When you share a worry with me, what do you usually need first: comfort, understanding, or ideas?

    Kapag nag-share ka ng worry sa akin, ano ang usually kailangan mo muna: comfort, understanding, o ideas?

    Back of the card

    All three can be caring, but the order matters. Asking first can help prevent accidental frustration.

    Puwedeng caring lahat ng tatlo, pero mahalaga ang order. Kapag nagtatanong muna, mas naiiwasan ang accidental frustration.

  4. What helps you share something hard with me without feeling judged?

    Ano yung nakakatulong para makapag-share ka sa akin ng mahirap sabihin nang hindi feeling judged?

    Back of the card

    Honesty needs a safe place to land. Your answer can show what helps truth feel less risky between you.

    Kailangan ng honesty ng safe na landing place. Makakatulong ang sagot mo para makita kung ano ang nagpapagaan sabihin ang truth sa inyong dalawa.

  5. Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?

    Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.

    Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.

  6. When and where do you feel safe enough to be yourself?

    Kailan at saan mo nararamdaman na safe kang maging ikaw?

    Back of the card

    A place like that matters. It lets people meet the version of you that is not busy performing.

    Mahalaga ang ganung lugar. Doon nakikilala ng tao yung ikaw na hindi abala sa pagpapanggap.

How to use them

Before you ask

The first months of a relationship are mostly discovery. You learn how they take their coffee, why they always sit facing the door, which family habit they assumed everyone had. Good questions for new couples speed up the fun part of that and skip the awkward part, where you find out the hard way that they hate surprise plans or need ten quiet minutes after work.

Start with quirks and pet peeves, the kind of thing you’d otherwise learn after a small misunderstanding. Then ask about the life before you: the home they grew up in, the food that meant someone cared. Keep the questions about the two of you for when there’s a little history to look back on, even if it’s only a few weeks.

Don’t rush the last set. Asking how someone handles a serious talk is kind early on, but it isn’t a test they need to pass by date five. The couples cards here come from the Couples deck; the full Couples Edition has more for later. Every card also has a Tagalog version, which helps if their family speaks it.

Good for

  • The first few months of dating
  • Long walks and slow dinners
  • Late-night calls when you can’t hang up yet
  • Before meeting each other’s families
  • Weekend trips together

Tips

  1. Answer each question yourself too; new couples learn as much from the swap as the answer.
  2. Write down one small detail they mention and remember it later.
  3. Keep it playful early on, and save the serious set for a calm night.
  4. If they pass, let it go. Some answers come easier in month six.
  5. Notice the questions they ask back. That tells you something too.

Decks for this

New relationship

Frequently asked questions

What questions should you ask in a new relationship?

Ask about everyday quirks and pet peeves, the home they grew up in, how they like good news to be met and what makes them feel at ease with you. Small, specific questions teach you more than big ones in the first months.

What should new couples talk about?

The ordinary stuff that shapes daily life: routines, family habits, how each of you unwinds, and how you prefer to handle a disagreement. Talking about these early saves you a lot of guessing later.

When should you have serious conversations in a new relationship?

Once you both feel comfortable, usually after a few months, and on a calm day rather than in the middle of a problem. Start by asking when and how the other person finds it easiest to talk about serious things.

Is there an app for new couples to get to know each other?

Kumustahan is a conversation card app with a Couples deck and a Getting to know deck, in English with Tagalog on every card. Choose a depth, take turns drawing, and either of you can pass.

Bring a better question to the table.

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