Questions · Daughter
Questions to ask your daughter that let her lead
Questions for parents to ask their daughter, from about eight through the teen years: her favorite things right now, her friends and feelings, what actually helps her, and the dreams she might not say out loud.
- 16 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
What small things make a room feel welcoming to you?
Anong maliliit na bagay ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na welcome ka sa isang room?
Welcome can come from tone, space, food, faces, or small signals that say you do not have to prove yourself.
Puwedeng galing sa tono, space, pagkain, mukha ng tao, o maliliit na sign na hindi mo kailangang patunayan ang sarili mo.
The questions
16 questions to ask your daughter
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
Her favorite things right now
4 questions
They change fast. Keep up.
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What preference of yours do close friends remember without asking?
Anong gusto mo ang kabisado na ng close friends mo?
Back of the card
Imagine they had to choose it for you today. Would they still get it right?
Kung pipili sila para sa'yo ngayon, tama pa kaya ang pipiliin nila?
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Design a celebration just for you. What would make it feel special?
Magplano ng celebration para sa sarili mo. Ano ang magpapaspecial dito?
Back of the card
Which part of the celebration would you happily repeat the next day?
Aling bahagi ng celebration ang masaya mong uulitin kinabukasan?
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Name the song that should play when you enter a room.
Sabihin yung song na dapat tumugtog pagpasok mo sa room.
Back of the card
An entrance song is mostly about energy. It says what kind of moment you want everyone to feel.
Yung entrance song, energy talaga ang usapan. Sinasabi niya kung anong moment ang gusto mong dala.
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What small things make a room feel welcoming to you?
Anong maliliit na bagay ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na welcome ka sa isang room?
Back of the card
Welcome can come from tone, space, food, faces, or small signals that say you do not have to prove yourself.
Puwedeng galing sa tono, space, pagkain, mukha ng tao, o maliliit na sign na hindi mo kailangang patunayan ang sarili mo.
Friends and feelings
4 questions
How she likes to be supported by the people around her.
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How would you like friends to react when you share good news?
Paano mo gustong mag-react ang friends kapag may good news ka?
Back of the card
A loud cheer or a quiet “I'm happy for you” — which fits this news?
Malakas na cheer o tahimik na “Masaya ako para sa'yo” — alin ang bagay sa balitang ito?
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What makes sharing a quiet moment with a friend comfortable for you?
Ano ang nagpapakomportable sa'yo kapag tahimik lang kayo ng friend?
Back of the card
The silence can stay silent. You do not need to fill it for this answer.
Puwedeng manatiling tahimik. Hindi kailangang punuin ng usapan para sa sagot na ito.
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When you meet a new friend or group, how do you usually get comfortable?
Kapag may bago kang friend o group, paano ka usually nagiging comfortable?
Back of the card
People warm up at different speeds. Some start with jokes, some with listening, some by quietly showing up again.
Iba-iba ang pace ng pag-warm up. May dumadaan sa jokes, may sa pakikinig, at may tahimik lang na bumabalik ulit.
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When joining friends for an activity, what helps you feel included?
Kapag may activity ang friends, ano ang nagpaparamdam na kasama ka rin?
Back of the card
Being invited and being able to join are not always the same thing.
Hindi laging pareho ang niyayaya ka at ang kaya mong sumali.
What helps her
4 questions
Ask these on a good day so you know on a hard one.
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When you are doubting yourself, what kind of encouragement from me helps the most?
Kapag nagda-doubt ka sa sarili mo, anong klaseng encouragement mula sa akin ang pinaka-nakakatulong?
Back of the card
Encouragement works best when it fits the moment. Some days need belief, some need listening, and some need quiet company.
Mas tumatama ang encouragement kapag bagay sa moment. May araw na kailangan ng tiwala, may araw na pakikinig, at may araw na tahimik na kasama.
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What makes you feel like I am really paying attention to you?
Ano yung nagpaparamdam sa'yo na talagang nakikinig at attentive ako?
Back of the card
Attention feels like love when it feels personal. Specific examples help your partner know what to keep doing.
Mas ramdam ang love kapag personal ang attention. Kapag specific ang example, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang ipagpapatuloy.
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What helps you share something hard with me without feeling judged?
Ano yung nakakatulong para makapag-share ka sa akin ng mahirap sabihin nang hindi feeling judged?
Back of the card
Honesty needs a safe place to land. Your answer can show what helps truth feel less risky between you.
Kailangan ng honesty ng safe na landing place. Makakatulong ang sagot mo para makita kung ano ang nagpapagaan sabihin ang truth sa inyong dalawa.
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How do you talk to yourself when you fall short?
Paano ka makipag-usap sa sarili mo kapag nagkukulang ka?
Back of the card
The voice you use with yourself matters. It can either add weight or make room for a wiser next step.
Mahalaga yung boses na gamit mo sa sarili mo. Puwede siyang magdagdag ng bigat o magbigay ng space para sa mas wise na next step.
Her dreams
4 questions
The brave ones she might be protecting.
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Name one hope you are protecting because it matters to you.
Magsabi ng isang hope na iniingatan mo kasi mahalaga talaga sa'yo.
Back of the card
We often protect the hopes that feel tender. You can hold it carefully without pretending it does not matter.
Madalas nating ingatan ang hopes na tender. Puwede mo siyang hawakan nang maingat nang hindi nagkukunwaring hindi siya mahalaga.
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Say one brave thing you can admit you want.
Sabihin ang isang brave na bagay na kaya mong aminin na gusto mo.
Back of the card
Wanting can feel risky when the answer is not guaranteed. Naming the desire is already a brave kind of honesty.
Risky minsan umamin ng gusto mo kapag walang guarantee. Pero courage na rin yung kaya mo siyang sabihin nang honest.
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What would you try if failure felt less embarrassing?
Ano ang susubukan mo kung hindi gaanong nakakahiya ang pumalya?
Back of the card
Embarrassment can make the room feel smaller than it is. The thing you would try may still be worth naming.
Kayang paliitin ng hiya ang mundo mo. Pero yung bagay na susubukan mo, baka worth pa ring pangalanan.
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Which part of your personality has been showing up more lately?
Anong part ng personality mo ang mas lumalabas lately?
Back of the card
The parts showing up may be asking to be noticed, used, or cared for. Curiosity can be a gentle start.
Yung parts na mas lumalabas, baka gusto lang mapansin, magamit, o maalagaan. Puwedeng curiosity muna ang start.
How to use them
Before you ask
Daughters often talk plenty, just not always about the things parents most want to know. The way in is to let her lead: ask about the playlist, the room she’d design, the celebration she’d plan for herself. Kids open up about the bigger things more easily once a conversation already feels like theirs.
The friend questions are about her, not her friends’ drama: how she likes friends to react to good news, what makes a quiet moment comfortable, what helps her feel included. Her answers tell you how to show up for her too.
The “what helps” and “dreams” groups are for one-on-one time. Ask what kind of encouragement helps when she doubts herself, and believe the answer even if it isn’t what you would have done. Then ask what she’d try if failing felt less embarrassing. Many girls have an answer ready.
Good for
Tips
- Let her pick the next question; it’s her conversation.
- Don’t fix, just ask “what would help?”
- Never repeat what she told you to relatives.
- Answer the dream questions yourself; she wants to know yours.
- Bring up one of her answers a week later. It shows you listened.
Daughter
Frequently asked questions
What are good questions to ask your daughter?
Start with what she loves right now: the song for her entrance, what makes a room feel welcoming. Then ask how she likes good news to be met, what helps when she doubts herself, and one brave thing she wants.
How do I connect with my teenage daughter?
Spend one-on-one time doing something she picks, ask about her interests, and listen without fixing. Ask what makes her feel you’re really paying attention, then do that.
What age are these questions for?
Most work from about eight through the teens; the dream questions land best from about eleven up.
Bring a better question to the table.
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