Questions · Son

Questions to ask your son that don’t feel like a lecture

Questions for parents to ask their son, from about eight through the teen years. Easy ones that work side by side, his friends and his world, what helps when something’s up, and who he’s becoming.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 40

How do you usually show a friend that you care?

Paano mo usually pinapakita sa friend na may care ka?

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A note

Care has many shapes: checking in, feeding people, remembering details, giving space, or staying when it gets inconvenient.

Maraming itsura ang care: nangangamusta, nagpapakain, nakakaalala ng details, nagbibigay ng space, o nananatili kahit hassle.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

16 questions to ask your son

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Easy, side by side

4 questions

Ask during a game, a drive or a snack, not across a table.

  1. Pick one joke style that makes you laugh right away.

    Pumili ng joke style na mabilis kang mapatawa.

    Back of the card

    Humor has shortcuts. The joke that gets you fastest usually knows your exact kind of silly.

    May shortcut ang humor. Yung joke na mabilis kang tamaan, alam niya yung exact kind of silly mo.

  2. What fun activity would you like to introduce your friends to?

    Anong masayang activity ang gusto mong ipakilala sa friends?

    Back of the card

    Imagine their first try going wrong in a harmless, funny way.

    Isipin na may simpleng sablay sa unang pagsubok nila na puwede ninyong pagtawanan.

  3. In an adventure story, would you be the guide, cook, builder, storyteller, or someone else?

    Sa adventure story, anong role ang pipiliin mo: guide, cook, builder, storyteller, o iba pa?

    Back of the card

    Your character has one familiar object in their bag. What is it?

    May isang pamilyar na gamit sa bag ng tauhan mo. Ano iyon?

  4. What food do you and a friend disagree about?

    Sa anong pagkain magkaiba ang opinyon ninyo ng friend mo?

    Back of the card

    No need to settle this food debate. You can both keep your favorites.

    Hindi kailangang matapos ang pagtatalo sa pagkain. Puwedeng pareho pa rin ninyong piliin ang gusto ninyo.

His friends and his world

4 questions

How the group works and where he fits in it.

  1. How do you usually show a friend that you care?

    Paano mo usually pinapakita sa friend na may care ka?

    Back of the card

    Care has many shapes: checking in, feeding people, remembering details, giving space, or staying when it gets inconvenient.

    Maraming itsura ang care: nangangamusta, nagpapakain, nakakaalala ng details, nagbibigay ng space, o nananatili kahit hassle.

  2. How can a friend tell when a joke has stopped being fun for you?

    Paano malalaman ng friend na hindi na masaya para sa'yo ang biro?

    Back of the card

    You can say the signal without explaining the whole joke.

    Puwedeng senyales lang ang sabihin, hindi ang buong biro.

  3. What harmless habit of a friend have you come to enjoy?

    Anong habit ng friend ang mas nagugustuhan mo habang tumatagal?

    Back of the card

    Was it something you liked immediately or grew to like?

    Nagustuhan mo ba agad o nasanay ka muna bago mo nagustuhan?

  4. In a group, which role feels most natural to you: listener, storyteller, organizer, or side-comment person?

    Sa group, anong role yung natural sa'yo: listener, taga-kuwento, organizer, o taga-side comment?

    Back of the card

    Group roles can shift, but most of us have a default. It is one way people learn how to read us.

    Nagbabago minsan ang role sa group, pero madalas may default tayo. Doon din tayo minsan nababasa ng mga tao.

When something’s up

4 questions

What helps him come back when he goes quiet.

  1. When you go quiet, what usually helps you feel safe enough to come back?

    Kapag tumatahimik ka, ano ang karaniwang tumutulong para safe kang bumalik sa usapan?

    Back of the card

    Quiet does not always mean rejection. Sometimes it means the person needs a safer way back into connection.

    Hindi laging rejection ang tahimik. Minsan kailangan lang ng mas safe na paraan pabalik sa connection.

  2. When I am trying to help with something you are dealing with, what makes my help feel supportive instead of controlling?

    Kapag tinutulungan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo, ano yung nagpaparamdam na supportive ako at hindi controlling?

    Back of the card

    Help lands better when it still respects your partner's choice. Good support helps them feel accompanied, not managed.

    Mas okay ang tulong kapag may respeto pa rin sa choice ng partner mo. Good support makes them feel na may kasama sila, hindi minamanage.

  3. After a hard day, what simple comfort from me helps you feel okay again?

    After a hard day, anong simpleng comfort mula sa akin ang nakakatulong sa'yo maging okay ulit?

    Back of the card

    Comfort does not have to fix everything. Sometimes it just needs to remind your partner they are not carrying the day alone.

    Hindi kailangang ayusin ng comfort ang lahat. Minsan sapat na ma-remind ang partner mo na hindi niya dala ang araw mag-isa.

  4. Describe what you usually do when you feel emotionally or mentally full.

    I-describe kung ano usually mong ginagawa kapag emotionally or mentally puno ka na.

    Back of the card

    Your first response to being full can teach you a lot. It may be asking for gentleness, space, or help.

    May tinuturo yung unang response mo kapag puno ka na. Baka kailangan mo ng lambing, space, o tulong.

Who he’s becoming

4 questions

Pride, growth and what friends see in him.

  1. What do you like more about yourself than you used to?

    Ano ang mas nagugustuhan mo sa sarili mo kaysa dati?

    Back of the card

    Would you appreciate the same thing in another person? Your story can stay private.

    Magugustuhan mo rin ba iyon sa ibang tao? Puwedeng itago ang sarili mong kuwento.

  2. Tell us about something you used to avoid that feels less scary now.

    Kuwento mo yung dati mong iniiwasan pero hindi na ganun ka-scary ngayon.

    Back of the card

    Less scary is still movement. You do not have to be fearless to know something has changed.

    Movement pa rin ang less scary. Hindi mo kailangang maging fearless para malaman na may nagbago.

  3. What difficult situation are you proud of handling?

    Anong mahirap na sitwasyon ang proud kang naharap mo?

    Back of the card

    You can pass or keep the situation private. What did handling it help you notice about your own abilities?

    Puwedeng mag-pass o itago ang sitwasyon. Ano ang napansin mong kaya mo pala matapos mong harapin iyon?

  4. Which ability did a friend notice in you before you noticed it yourself?

    Anong galing mo ang unang napansin ng friend bago mo ito nakita sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    You could borrow their words to describe your ability once.

    Puwede mong gamitin ang sinabi nila para ilarawan ang galing mo.

How to use them

Before you ask

Plenty of boys stop answering questions around nine or ten, not because they have nothing to say but because the questions start sounding like checkups. “How was school?” “Did you do your homework?” “Who were you texting?” Good questions to ask your son sound like curiosity: what kind of joke gets him every time, what role he plays in his group of friends.

Ask side by side. Shooting hoops, driving to practice, playing a video game together: sons talk more when the attention isn’t pointed straight at them. Keep it to one question and see where it goes.

The “when something’s up” questions are worth asking on a good day, before you need them. If you already know what helps him come back when he goes quiet, or what makes help feel supportive instead of controlling, you’ll handle the hard days better.

Good for

  • Drives to practice and games
  • Video game sessions together
  • One-on-one outings
  • Bedtime for younger boys
  • Teen sons who’ve gone quiet

Tips

  1. Ask during an activity, not across the table.
  2. One question, then follow his lead.
  3. Ask the “what helps” questions on a calm day.
  4. Don’t turn his answer into advice unless he asks.
  5. Share a story from your own boyhood or teens.

Decks for this

Son

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask your son?

Start light: which joke style gets him every time, what role he’d play in an adventure story. Then ask about his friends, what helps him when he goes quiet, and what he’s proud of handling.

How do I get my teenage son to talk to me?

Talk side by side during something he enjoys, keep questions specific, and accept short answers. Ask what makes your help feel supportive rather than controlling, and then act on it.

What should I avoid asking my son?

Rapid-fire checkup questions, questions about other kids’ business, and anything that sounds like a test he can fail.

Bring a better question to the table.

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