Questions · Deep questions for couples
Deep questions for couples who want the whole person
Deep questions for couples to answer on a long, quiet night. Not only about the relationship, but about each of you: the younger self, the current season, the weight you carry in, and the hopes you rarely say out loud.
- 19 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
From when you were younger, what habit or interest do you still carry now?
Mula nung bata ka, anong habit o hilig ang dala mo pa rin ngayon?
Some parts of us do not disappear; they just grow up with us. It can be nice to notice what stayed.
May parts tayo na hindi naman nawawala; lumalaki lang kasama natin. Nakakatuwang mapansin kung ano yung naiwan.
The questions
19 deep questions for couples
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
Who you were before us
5 questions
The younger self your partner never met.
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If you could tell your younger self one piece of good news, what would it be?
Kung may isang good news kang masasabi sa batang ikaw, ano yun?
Back of the card
This is a gentle way to name progress. Not everything is fixed, but maybe there is something younger you would smile about.
Gentle way ito para makita yung progress. Hindi man ayos lahat, baka may isang bagay na ikakangiti ng batang ikaw.
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From when you were younger, what habit or interest do you still carry now?
Mula nung bata ka, anong habit o hilig ang dala mo pa rin ngayon?
Back of the card
Some parts of us do not disappear; they just grow up with us. It can be nice to notice what stayed.
May parts tayo na hindi naman nawawala; lumalaki lang kasama natin. Nakakatuwang mapansin kung ano yung naiwan.
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Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
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Which version of your past self are you starting to understand more now?
Aling version ng past self mo ang nagsisimula mong mas maintindihan ngayon?
Back of the card
Understanding your past self does not erase what happened. It can soften the way you hold the person you were.
Hindi binubura ng understanding ang nangyari. Pero puwede nitong palambutin kung paano mo hinahawakan yung dating ikaw.
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Share the first time you did something on your own and felt more capable afterward.
Ikuwento ang unang beses mong gumawa ng isang bagay mag-isa at naisip mong, "Kaya ko pala."
Back of the card
Finish if you like: "That was when I realized I could..."
Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Doon ko naisip na kaya ko palang..."
Who you are lately
5 questions
Seasons change people. Catch up on the current one.
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Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.
Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.
Back of the card
You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?
Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?
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Name one truth about this season that has been hard to admit but helpful to say.
Magsabi ng isang truth sa season na ito na mahirap aminin pero helpful sabihin.
Back of the card
Some truths become less heavy when they stop hiding. Naming them can be a quiet form of courage.
May mga truth na gumagaan kapag hindi na tinatago. Minsan courage na rin yung kaya mo siyang pangalanan.
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Which part of this season asks for more patience from you?
Anong part ng season na ito ang humihingi ng mas mahabang pasensya sa'yo?
Back of the card
Patience is not always passive. Sometimes it is the steady work of staying kind while something takes time.
Hindi laging passive ang patience. Minsan trabaho rin siyang manatiling mabait habang may bagay na mabagal talaga.
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Name one pressure you may have gotten used to carrying lately.
Magbanggit ng isang pressure na baka nasanay ka nang dalhin lately.
Back of the card
Some pressure becomes familiar, but familiar does not always mean light. You can notice it without needing to solve it tonight.
May pressure na nasasanayan, pero hindi ibig sabihin magaan na siya. Puwede mo munang mapansin bago ayusin.
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Name something that matters to you more now than it used to.
Magsabi ng isang bagay na mas mahalaga na sa'yo ngayon kaysa dati.
Back of the card
What matters can change as you grow. That shift is not betrayal; it may be a clearer kind of honesty.
Puwedeng magbago ang mahalaga habang naggo-grow ka. Hindi agad betrayal yun; baka mas malinaw na honesty.
What you bring into us
5 questions
Pressure, loneliness and the hard things that are easier said gently.
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What part of this season of your life do you want me to understand better?
Ano sa season mo ngayon ang gusto mong mas maintindihan ko?
Back of the card
People change by season. Updating each other keeps love attached to the person in front of you now.
Nagbabago ang tao depende sa season. Kapag nag-u-update kayo, minamahal ninyo yung taong nasa harap ninyo ngayon.
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What pressure are you carrying that I may not fully see?
Anong pressure ang dinadala mo na baka hindi ko pa lubos nakikita?
Back of the card
Some pressure looks normal from the outside. Understanding it can turn judgment into gentler support.
May pressure na mukhang normal lang sa labas. Kapag naintindihan ito, puwedeng maging mas gentle ang support.
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When you feel alone, what do I do that helps you feel I am with you?
Kapag pakiramdam mo mag-isa ka, ano yung ginagawa ko na nagpaparamdam sa'yo na kasama mo ako?
Back of the card
Feeling less alone does not mean everything is fixed. Sometimes it means someone noticed, stayed close, and cared enough to check in.
Hindi ibig sabihin na ayos na ang lahat kapag hindi mo na ramdam na mag-isa ka. Minsan sapat na may nakapansin, nanatili, at nangumusta.
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What helps you share something hard with me without feeling judged?
Ano yung nakakatulong para makapag-share ka sa akin ng mahirap sabihin nang hindi feeling judged?
Back of the card
Honesty needs a safe place to land. Your answer can show what helps truth feel less risky between you.
Kailangan ng honesty ng safe na landing place. Makakatulong ang sagot mo para makita kung ano ang nagpapagaan sabihin ang truth sa inyong dalawa.
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When you are stressed, what signs do you wish I noticed sooner?
Kapag stressed ka, anong signs ang sana mas napapansin ko agad?
Back of the card
Stress can show up as silence, busyness, or short replies. Knowing the signs helps your support arrive earlier.
Minsan lumalabas ang stress sa tahimik, busy, o maikling sagot. Kapag alam mo ang signs, mas maagang dumarating ang support.
Hopes, out loud
4 questions
End here, on something you both want.
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What is one fear about our future that you want me to understand gently?
Ano yung isang fear mo tungkol sa future natin na gusto mong maintindihan ko nang dahan-dahan?
Back of the card
Future fears do not always need instant answers. Sometimes they first need a partner who can listen without rushing to fix them.
Hindi laging kailangan ng instant answer ang future fears. Minsan kailangan muna ng partner na marunong makinig nang hindi minamadaling ayusin.
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Say one brave thing you can admit you want.
Sabihin ang isang brave na bagay na kaya mong aminin na gusto mo.
Back of the card
Wanting can feel risky when the answer is not guaranteed. Naming the desire is already a brave kind of honesty.
Risky minsan umamin ng gusto mo kapag walang guarantee. Pero courage na rin yung kaya mo siyang sabihin nang honest.
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If a friend asked what matters to you lately, what is the first thing you would mention?
Kung tanungin ka ng friend kung ano ang importante sa'yo lately, ano yung una mong sasabihin?
Back of the card
You do not have to list everything. Starting with one honest thing is already enough for a real answer.
Hindi mo kailangang ilista lahat. Sapat na magsimula sa isang honest na bagay para maging totoong sagot.
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Which fear has been making decisions for you lately?
Anong takot ang parang nakikialam sa decisions mo lately?
Back of the card
Fear can sound practical when it wants control. Noticing its voice helps you decide with more freedom.
Minsan practical pakinggan ang fear kapag gusto niyang kontrolin lahat. Kapag napansin mo siya, mas may freedom kang pumili.
How to use them
Before you ask
Deep questions for couples go past the relationship to the people in it: what you would tell your younger self, which part of this season you want your partner to understand, what pressure you carry that they might not see. Couples often know each other’s habits by heart and each other’s inner weather much less.
Most deep conversations between partners happen by accident, at 1 a.m. or after a hard day, when one of you is already tired. Planning one feels strange, but it works better: you both arrive with energy, nobody is in crisis, and there is time to listen properly.
Go in order. The first group is about the past, which feels safe and often explains the present. The second catches you up on who your partner is right now. The third is the tender one; let the other person decide how much to say. Finish with hopes, so the night ends facing forward. For gentler, relationship-only questions, see deep questions to ask your partner.
Good for
Tips
- Choose a night with no early alarm. Deep talks run long.
- Answer a question yourself before asking it, at least the first time.
- Ask “what else?” once before moving on. The second answer is often the real one.
- Say thank you after a hard answer, not advice.
- Either of you can pass, no explanation needed.
Decks for this
Deep questions for couples
Frequently asked questions
What are deep questions to ask as a couple?
Ask about each other’s younger selves, the current season of life, the pressure each of you carries and the hopes you rarely say out loud. Questions about the person, not only the relationship, tend to go deepest.
How do you start a deep conversation with your partner?
Pick a calm night, start with a question about the past, and answer it yourself first. Moving from memories to the present to hopes feels natural and keeps it from turning into a problem-solving session.
Can deep questions hurt a relationship?
Not if they are asked gently and either person can pass. Avoid deep questions in the middle of a fight; ask them when you both have energy and time.
Where can we play these as cards?
In Kumustahan, a conversation card app: choose Couples and Reflect, set the depth to Go deeper, and take turns drawing. Every card has an English and a Filipino version.
Bring a better question to the table.
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