Questions · Relationship questions

Relationship questions about how the two of you actually work

Questions to ask about your relationship, not just your partner. How you split the load, how you talk when it matters, what happens when something is off, and what you each want more of.

  • 18 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Couples№ 17

What is one quiet strength in our relationship right now?

Ano yung isang quiet strength ng relationship natin ngayon?

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A note

Strength does not always have to be obvious. Naming what feels steady can give you both courage for what is still growing.

Hindi kailangang obvious lagi ang strength. Kapag napangalanan ninyo kung ano yung steady, mas may courage kayo para sa mga bagay na lumalago pa.

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The questions

18 relationship questions

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

How you work as a team

5 questions

Start with what is already going right.

  1. What is one quiet strength in our relationship right now?

    Ano yung isang quiet strength ng relationship natin ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Strength does not always have to be obvious. Naming what feels steady can give you both courage for what is still growing.

    Hindi kailangang obvious lagi ang strength. Kapag napangalanan ninyo kung ano yung steady, mas may courage kayo para sa mga bagay na lumalago pa.

  2. What do you appreciate about the way we handle busy seasons together?

    Ano yung naa-appreciate mo sa paraan natin kapag busy season?

    Back of the card

    Busy seasons can show what already works between you. Noticing those small systems makes them easier to repeat when life gets full again.

    Kapag busy season, lumalabas kung ano yung gumagana na sa inyo. Kapag napansin ninyo yung small systems, mas madali silang ulitin kapag puno ulit ang life.

  3. What is one chore, errand, or task that feels lighter when we do it as a team?

    Anong chore, errand, o task ang gumagaan kapag team tayo?

    Back of the card

    Teamwork is not only for big seasons. It also shows up in the small work of keeping life moving.

    Hindi lang pang-big season ang teamwork. Lumalabas din ito sa maliliit na gawain para gumalaw ang buhay.

  4. What has gotten better in the way we talk to each other?

    Ano yung mas gumanda sa paraan natin mag-usap?

    Back of the card

    Improvement deserves to be noticed. It gives both of you proof that change is possible and worth continuing.

    Dapat napapansin ang improvement. Nagbibigay ito sa inyong dalawa ng proof na possible ang change at worth it ipagpatuloy.

  5. When plans change, how do you decide what to keep, drop, or adjust?

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, paano mo dini-decide kung ano ang itutuloy, bibitawan, o ia-adjust?

    Back of the card

    Changed plans show priorities quickly. Sometimes the real answer is comfort, people, responsibility, peace, or simply energy.

    Kapag nagbago ang plans, mabilis lumabas ang priorities. Minsan comfort, tao, responsibility, peace, o energy lang talaga.

How you talk to each other

5 questions

Timing, tone and what each of you needs first.

  1. When is it easiest for you to have a serious conversation with me?

    Kailan mas madali para sa'yo makipag-usap sa akin tungkol sa serious na bagay?

    Back of the card

    Good timing does not make hard topics disappear. It just helps both people stay calmer, clearer, and more present.

    Hindi nawawala ang hard topics dahil sa good timing. Pero nakakatulong ito para mas kalmado, malinaw, at present kayong dalawa.

  2. When you share a worry with me, what do you usually need first: comfort, understanding, or ideas?

    Kapag nag-share ka ng worry sa akin, ano ang usually kailangan mo muna: comfort, understanding, o ideas?

    Back of the card

    All three can be caring, but the order matters. Asking first can help prevent accidental frustration.

    Puwedeng caring lahat ng tatlo, pero mahalaga ang order. Kapag nagtatanong muna, mas naiiwasan ang accidental frustration.

  3. How would you want a friend to tell you that something you did bothered them?

    Paano mo gustong sabihin ng friend na may ginawa kang hindi nila nagustuhan?

    Back of the card

    You can imagine a simple example. Would you prefer a message or a private talk?

    Puwedeng simpleng halimbawa lang. Mas gusto mo ba ng message o pribadong usapan?

  4. What makes an apology from a friend feel sincere to you?

    Paano mo nalalaman na talagang sorry ang friend sa nangyari?

    Back of the card

    Would it still feel sincere if they used different words?

    Ramdam mo pa rin bang talagang sorry sila kung iba ang sinabi nila?

  5. When I am trying to help with something you are dealing with, what makes my help feel supportive instead of controlling?

    Kapag tinutulungan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo, ano yung nagpaparamdam na supportive ako at hindi controlling?

    Back of the card

    Help lands better when it still respects your partner's choice. Good support helps them feel accompanied, not managed.

    Mas okay ang tulong kapag may respeto pa rin sa choice ng partner mo. Good support makes them feel na may kasama sila, hindi minamanage.

When something feels off

4 questions

Ask on a calm day, not mid-argument.

  1. What small action helps us reconnect after a misunderstanding?

    Anong maliit na action ang tumutulong sa atin mag-reconnect after a misunderstanding?

    Back of the card

    Reconnecting does not erase what happened. It helps both of you return to the conversation with a little more care.

    Hindi binubura ng pag-reconnect ang nangyari. Tinutulungan lang kayong bumalik sa usapan nang may mas care.

  2. After you and a friend disagree, what helps things feel okay again?

    Pagkatapos ninyong hindi magkasundo ng friend, ano ang nakakatulong para maging okay ulit kayo?

    Back of the card

    You can notice a small improvement without calling everything fixed.

    Puwedeng mapansin na may umaayos kahit hindi pa okay ang lahat.

  3. When one or both of us is tired, what do we already do that helps us stay kind to each other?

    Kapag pagod ang isa o pareho sa atin, ano yung nagagawa na natin na tumutulong para maging kind pa rin tayo sa isa't isa?

    Back of the card

    Tiredness can easily create distance. Noticing what already works helps you protect the small habits that keep you close.

    Madaling gumawa ng distance ang pagod. Kapag napansin ninyo kung ano na yung gumagana, mas naaalagaan ninyo yung small habits na nagpapanatiling close kayo.

  4. Describe what you usually do when you feel emotionally or mentally full.

    I-describe kung ano usually mong ginagawa kapag emotionally or mentally puno ka na.

    Back of the card

    Your first response to being full can teach you a lot. It may be asking for gentleness, space, or help.

    May tinuturo yung unang response mo kapag puno ka na. Baka kailangan mo ng lambing, space, o tulong.

What you want more of

4 questions

Small, doable changes rather than a wish list.

  1. What kind of consistency from me helps you feel more secure in us?

    Anong klaseng consistency mula sa akin ang tumutulong sa'yo maging mas secure sa atin?

    Back of the card

    Trust often grows through patterns, not one big moment. Naming the pattern helps your partner know what steadiness feels like to you.

    Madalas lumalalim ang trust sa patterns, hindi sa isang big moment lang. Kapag napangalanan ang pattern, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang steady para sa'yo.

  2. What boundary around time, phones, or attention would help us be more present with each other?

    Anong boundary sa time, phone, o attention ang makakatulong para mas present tayo sa isa't isa?

    Back of the card

    Boundaries are not always walls. Sometimes they protect the attention your relationship needs to feel connected.

    Hindi laging pader ang boundaries. Minsan pinoprotektahan nila yung attention na kailangan ng relationship para mas maramdaman ang connection.

  3. Pick one value you want to show up in your week.

    Pumili ng isang value na gusto mong makita sa week mo.

    Back of the card

    A value becomes real in small choices. One week is enough space to practice it gently.

    Nagiging real ang value sa maliliit na choices. Sapat na ang isang week para i-practice siya nang gentle.

  4. Name one thing that would make next month feel a little lighter.

    Magbanggit ng isang bagay na makakatulong para mas gumaan nang konti ang next month.

    Back of the card

    A lighter month does not have to mean a perfect one. Even one less weight can change how a season feels.

    Hindi kailangang perfect ang mas magaan na month. Kahit isang bawas na bigat, iba na ang pakiramdam ng season.

How to use them

Before you ask

Relationship questions ask about the space between two people: how you handle busy weeks, how you each like to hear that something bothered the other, what gets you back on track after a misunderstanding. They are different from getting-to-know-you questions. You already know each other; this is about how you work together.

Couples usually only talk about the relationship when something is wrong, which makes every such talk feel like a summons. Asking these on an ordinary day changes that. Begin with what is going well, because it is easier to talk about what needs work once you have both named what doesn’t.

Use one group per sitting. A couple of questions over a walk or a Sunday coffee is a habit you can keep; a two-hour “state of us” meeting isn’t. If a question opens something bigger, agree on a time to come back to it rather than solving it on the spot.

Good for

  • A monthly relationship check-in
  • Couples who just moved in together
  • After a stressful season
  • A walk with no phones
  • Before a big decision together

Tips

  1. Lead with appreciation. The first group exists for a reason.
  2. Use “we” questions to talk about patterns, not blame.
  3. Each of you answers the same question, then compare without debating.
  4. If it gets heated, pause and pick it up the next day.
  5. End by choosing one small thing to try this week.

Decks for this

Relationship questions

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask about your relationship?

Ask how you work as a team, when it is easiest to have a serious talk, what helps you reconnect after a misunderstanding, and what kind of consistency makes each of you feel secure. Start with what is going well.

How often should couples talk about their relationship?

A short, regular conversation works better than a rare big one. Many couples pick a monthly walk or a Sunday coffee and ask two or three questions.

Are relationship questions only for when there are problems?

No. They work best on ordinary days. Talking about how you function as a couple when nothing is wrong makes the harder talks much easier later.

Bring a better question to the table.

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