Questions · Relationship check-in
Relationship check-in questions for an ordinary Sunday
Weekly check-in questions for couples, in the order a good check-in goes: what went right, how each of you is really doing, one small thing to adjust, and what you’re looking forward to.
- 22 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
What has gotten better in the way we talk to each other?
Ano yung mas gumanda sa paraan natin mag-usap?
Improvement deserves to be noticed. It gives both of you proof that change is possible and worth continuing.
Dapat napapansin ang improvement. Nagbibigay ito sa inyong dalawa ng proof na possible ang change at worth it ipagpatuloy.
The questions
22 relationship check-in questions
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
Start with what went right
5 questions
One specific thing each. It sets the tone for the rest.
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What is one moment this week when you felt close to me?
Ano yung moment this week na naramdaman mong malapit tayo?
Back of the card
Closeness often hides inside normal moments: a look, a joke, a ride, a shared meal, or a quiet check-in.
Madalas nasa normal moments ang closeness: tingin, joke, byahe, sabay kumain, o simpleng check-in.
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What little thing has gone well for us lately that we should celebrate more?
Anong maliit na bagay ang naging okay sa atin lately na dapat nating i-celebrate pa?
Back of the card
Good moments grow when they are noticed. Celebrating what went well keeps the relationship from feeling like only tasks and problems.
Mas lumalakas yung magagandang moments kapag napapansin. Kapag sine-celebrate natin yung naging okay, hindi puro tasks at problema ang relationship.
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What is something I handled well recently that meant more to you than I realized?
Ano yung isang bagay na nahandle ko nang maayos recently na mas malaking bagay pala sa'yo kaysa akala ko?
Back of the card
Specific appreciation helps your partner see what felt caring, steady, mature, or brave in real life.
Nakakatulong ang specific appreciation para makita ng partner mo kung ano yung naging caring, steady, mature, o brave sa totoong buhay.
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What is one practical thing I do that makes life easier for you?
Ano yung practical na ginagawa ko na nagpapadali ng buhay mo?
Back of the card
Practical love is easy to overlook because it blends into the day. Naming it makes invisible effort visible.
Madaling hindi mapansin ang practical love kasi sumasama lang siya sa araw. Kapag nasabi, nakikita ang effort.
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What has gotten better in the way we talk to each other?
Ano yung mas gumanda sa paraan natin mag-usap?
Back of the card
Improvement deserves to be noticed. It gives both of you proof that change is possible and worth continuing.
Dapat napapansin ang improvement. Nagbibigay ito sa inyong dalawa ng proof na possible ang change at worth it ipagpatuloy.
How are you, really?
6 questions
About each of you, before you talk about the two of you.
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What word would describe your week so far?
Anong word ang babagay sa week mo so far?
Back of the card
Sometimes one word is enough to begin. Naming the week can help you notice what your heart has been carrying.
Minsan sapat na ang isang word para makapagsimula. Kapag napangalanan mo ang week mo, mas nakikita mo kung ano ang bitbit mo.
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Name something you are carrying this week that people may not notice.
Magsabi ng isang bitbit mo this week na baka hindi napapansin ng iba.
Back of the card
Not every weight is visible. Being honest about what you carry can make the load feel less unnamed.
Hindi lahat ng bigat nakikita. Kapag honest ka sa bitbit mo, kahit hindi agad gumaan, hindi na siya sobrang labo.
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What has your body or mood been telling you these days?
Ano ang sinasabi ng katawan o mood mo sa'yo lately?
Back of the card
Your tiredness, restlessness, or steadiness can give honest signals. Listening can help you choose with more care, not just more effort.
Yung pagod, restlessness, o pagiging steady mo pwedeng magbigay ng honest signals. Kapag pinakinggan mo, mas makakapili ka nang may care, hindi puro effort lang.
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During a busy week, what signs tell you that you are still doing okay?
Kapag busy ang week, anong signs ang nagsasabi sa'yo na okay ka pa naman?
Back of the card
Your signs may be small: sleep, patience, appetite, humor, or the ability to answer messages without dread.
Puwedeng maliit lang yung signs: tulog, pasensya, gana kumain, humor, o kaya mong sumagot ng messages nang hindi mabigat.
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Name one pressure you may have gotten used to carrying lately.
Magbanggit ng isang pressure na baka nasanay ka nang dalhin lately.
Back of the card
Some pressure becomes familiar, but familiar does not always mean light. You can notice it without needing to solve it tonight.
May pressure na nasasanayan, pero hindi ibig sabihin magaan na siya. Puwede mo munang mapansin bago ayusin.
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What part of this season of your life do you want me to understand better?
Ano sa season mo ngayon ang gusto mong mas maintindihan ko?
Back of the card
People change by season. Updating each other keeps love attached to the person in front of you now.
Nagbabago ang tao depende sa season. Kapag nag-u-update kayo, minamahal ninyo yung taong nasa harap ninyo ngayon.
One thing to adjust
6 questions
Small and practical. One each, never a list.
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When I am trying to help with something you are dealing with, what makes my help feel supportive instead of controlling?
Kapag tinutulungan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo, ano yung nagpaparamdam na supportive ako at hindi controlling?
Back of the card
Help lands better when it still respects your partner's choice. Good support helps them feel accompanied, not managed.
Mas okay ang tulong kapag may respeto pa rin sa choice ng partner mo. Good support makes them feel na may kasama sila, hindi minamanage.
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What are small things we can do to move from work mode into us time?
Ano yung maliliit na bagay na puwede nating gawin para lumipat from work mode to us time?
Back of the card
The shift does not have to be big. A small routine can help both of you arrive, settle, and feel like partners again.
Hindi kailangang malaki yung pag-shift. Minsan small routine lang ang tumutulong sa inyong dumating, kumalma, at maramdaman na partners ulit kayo.
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When we are both tired, what small help from me would mean a lot?
Kapag pareho tayong pagod, anong maliit na tulong mula sa akin ang malaking bagay sa'yo?
Back of the card
Tired love does not need grand effort. Small, realistic support can help you stay close without asking too much from either of you.
Hindi kailangan ng grand effort kapag pareho kayong pagod. Minsan maliit at realistic na support ang tumutulong para manatiling close kayo.
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When you are stressed, what signs do you wish I noticed sooner?
Kapag stressed ka, anong signs ang sana mas napapansin ko agad?
Back of the card
Stress can show up as silence, busyness, or short replies. Knowing the signs helps your support arrive earlier.
Minsan lumalabas ang stress sa tahimik, busy, o maikling sagot. Kapag alam mo ang signs, mas maagang dumarating ang support.
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What might you need to say no to, pause, or limit so your week feels lighter?
Ano yung kailangan mong hihindian, i-pause, o limitahan para mas gumaan ang week mo?
Back of the card
A boundary is not always a wall. Sometimes it is a small line that helps you stay present and honest.
Hindi laging pader ang boundary. Minsan maliit na line lang siya para mas present at honest ka.
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What have you been putting off that might bring relief once you start?
Ano yung matagal mo nang pinapabukas na baka gumaan kapag nasimulan mo na?
Back of the card
Starting can be the hardest part because it makes the thing real. Relief may come before everything is finished.
Minsan pinakamahirap magsimula kasi nagiging real na yung bagay. Pero minsan nauunang dumating ang relief bago matapos lahat.
Looking ahead
5 questions
What’s coming, and one thing to do together.
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What would you like to make more time for this month?
Ano ang gusto mong bigyan ng mas maraming oras ngayong buwan?
Back of the card
Imagine an extra afternoon opens up. Would you spend it all on this or leave some time free?
Isipin na nabakante ang isang hapon. Ilalaan mo ba lahat ng oras dito o magtitira ka pa ng libreng oras?
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Which small plan are you looking forward to?
Anong small plan ang nilu-look forward mo?
Back of the card
Looking forward to something simple can help a week feel kinder. Small plans are allowed to matter.
Nakakagaan ng week kapag may simpleng nilu-look forward. Puwedeng maging mahalaga kahit maliit na plan lang.
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Which part of your day do you look forward to?
Anong part ng araw mo ang inaabangan mo?
Back of the card
The part you look forward to can be a clue. It shows where your day still gives you a little life.
Clue din yung part na inaabangan mo. Ipinapakita niya kung saan may konting buhay pa sa araw mo.
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What future plan feels exciting and realistic for us right now?
Anong future plan ang exciting at realistic para sa atin ngayon?
Back of the card
Future talk does not have to feel pressuring. Hope can feel steadier when it has a real-life shape.
Hindi kailangang may pressure ang future talk. Mas steady ang hope kapag may real-life shape siya.
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Where do you need a little more courage this week?
Saan mo kailangan ng konting dagdag courage this week?
Back of the card
Courage does not always look big. Sometimes it is one honest message, one boundary, or one careful next step.
Hindi laging malaki ang courage. Minsan isang honest message, isang boundary, o isang maingat na next step lang.
How to use them
Before you ask
A relationship check-in is twenty minutes, once a week, where a couple talks about how they’re doing instead of what needs doing. The hard part isn’t the time. It’s knowing what to ask when you sit down, so the talk doesn’t drift back to the grocery list. This page is that list, in the order a check-in usually goes.
Pick one or two questions from each set, not all of them. Start with what went right this week, because it’s easier to hear “one thing I’d change” from someone who just thanked you. Then ask how each of you is doing on your own. Keep the adjustment small and practical, and finish by looking ahead, so the check-in ends on something to look forward to.
If you want the how-to, with the four steps, how to listen and what to do when a topic is hard, read deep conversations with your partner. The couples cards here are from the Couples deck; the Couples Edition has more. Every card is in English and Tagalog.
Good for
Tips
- Same day, same time, every week, and stop after twenty minutes.
- One question per set is enough on a tired week.
- Raise one thing each, and keep it about this week, not last year.
- Say back what you heard before you respond.
- Skip the week’s check-in if one of you is upset; reschedule it, don’t cancel it.
Relationship check-in
Frequently asked questions
What are good relationship check-in questions?
What did I do this week that you appreciated, how are you really doing, what’s one small thing we could adjust, and what are you looking forward to. Ask them in that order and keep it short.
How often should couples check in?
Once a week works for most couples: often enough that small issues don’t pile up, short enough that nobody dreads it. Some couples add a quick daily “how are you, really?” on top.
What is a weekly check-in for couples?
A short, regular conversation, often on a weekend, where you share appreciation, how each of you is doing, one thing to change and what’s ahead. It keeps you talking about each other, not just logistics.
Is there an app for relationship check-ins?
Kumustahan has a Couples deck with check-in questions, each with a short reflection on the back, in English and Tagalog. Draw a few cards each week and take turns.
Bring a better question to the table.
Free on iPhone and Android. 420 cards free, no account, works offline.