Questions · Expecting parents
Questions for expecting parents to ask before the baby comes
Questions for couples expecting a baby, to ask while you still have quiet evenings: what you each bring from your own childhood, the kind of home you want, how you’ll share the load, and the nerves and hopes you haven’t said out loud.
- 16 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Tell us about a food that reminds you of someone taking care of you.
Ikuwento yung pagkain na nagpapaalala sa'yo ng alaga ng isang tao.
Food can carry care without needing big words. Sometimes the simple act of feeding someone well becomes a memory by itself.
Kayang magdala ng care ang pagkain kahit walang malaking salita. Minsan yung simpleng pag-alaga sa pagkain, nagiging memory na.
The questions
16 questions for expecting parents
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
From your own childhoods
4 questions
You’ll parent partly the way you were parented. Talk about it first.
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Tell us about a food that reminds you of someone taking care of you.
Ikuwento yung pagkain na nagpapaalala sa'yo ng alaga ng isang tao.
Back of the card
Food can carry care without needing big words. Sometimes the simple act of feeding someone well becomes a memory by itself.
Kayang magdala ng care ang pagkain kahit walang malaking salita. Minsan yung simpleng pag-alaga sa pagkain, nagiging memory na.
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As you got older, which habit at home started to make more sense to you?
Habang tumatanda ka, anong habit sa bahay ninyo ang mas nagme-make sense na sa'yo ngayon?
Back of the card
Getting older can change the way you see home. A habit may look different once you know more of the story.
Habang tumatanda, nag-iiba rin minsan ang tingin natin sa bahay. May habit na mas naiintindihan kapag alam mo na ang kuwento.
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At home, who usually notices the chores, mess, or little things first?
Sa bahay ninyo, sino yung madalas unang nakakapansin ng chores, kalat, o maliliit na kailangan gawin?
Back of the card
Every home has someone who notices first. That kind of attention can be quiet, but it keeps many things moving.
Sa bawat bahay, may taong unang nakakapansin. Tahimik minsan yung ganung attention, pero marami siyang napapaandar.
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Back when you were a kid, what game or activity could keep you busy for hours?
Nung bata ka, anong laro o activity ang kaya mong pagkaabalahan nang ilang oras?
Back of the card
Childhood focus has its own sweetness. It remembers a time when getting lost in play was enough.
May sariling saya yung focus nung bata tayo. Naalala nito yung panahon na sapat na ang maglaro nang maglaro.
The home you want
4 questions
Routines, promises and boundaries worth setting now.
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What is one little promise we keep well?
Ano yung maliit na promise na maayos nating natutupad?
Back of the card
Trust grows through small kept promises. Seeing them clearly can make reliability feel less invisible.
Lumalaki ang trust sa maliliit na promises na natutupad. Kapag nakita ang mga ito, hindi na invisible ang reliability.
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What kind of consistency from me helps you feel more secure in us?
Anong klaseng consistency mula sa akin ang tumutulong sa'yo maging mas secure sa atin?
Back of the card
Trust often grows through patterns, not one big moment. Naming the pattern helps your partner know what steadiness feels like to you.
Madalas lumalalim ang trust sa patterns, hindi sa isang big moment lang. Kapag napangalanan ang pattern, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang steady para sa'yo.
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What ordinary routine of ours would you miss if it disappeared?
Anong ordinary routine natin ang mami-miss mo kung ito ay mawawala?
Back of the card
Routines can feel small until they are gone. They quietly hold the shape of your life together.
Mukhang maliit ang routines hanggang mawala sila. Tahimik nilang binubuo yung feeling ng buhay ninyong magkasama.
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What boundary around time, phones, or attention would help us be more present with each other?
Anong boundary sa time, phone, o attention ang makakatulong para mas present tayo sa isa't isa?
Back of the card
Boundaries are not always walls. Sometimes they protect the attention your relationship needs to feel connected.
Hindi laging pader ang boundaries. Minsan pinoprotektahan nila yung attention na kailangan ng relationship para mas maramdaman ang connection.
Sharing the load
4 questions
Ask now, before you’re both too tired to talk about it.
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What part of our life needs more fairness, and feels safe enough to talk about calmly?
Anong part ng buhay natin ang kailangan ng mas fairness, at kaya nating pag-usapan nang kalmado?
Back of the card
Fairness is easier to talk about when it is specific. One calm area is better than opening every frustration at once.
Mas madaling pag-usapan ang fairness kapag specific. Mas okay ang isang kalmadong area kaysa sabay-sabay na buksan lahat ng frustration.
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When I am trying to help with something you are dealing with, what makes my help feel supportive instead of controlling?
Kapag tinutulungan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo, ano yung nagpaparamdam na supportive ako at hindi controlling?
Back of the card
Help lands better when it still respects your partner's choice. Good support helps them feel accompanied, not managed.
Mas okay ang tulong kapag may respeto pa rin sa choice ng partner mo. Good support makes them feel na may kasama sila, hindi minamanage.
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When you are doubting yourself, what kind of encouragement from me helps the most?
Kapag nagda-doubt ka sa sarili mo, anong klaseng encouragement mula sa akin ang pinaka-nakakatulong?
Back of the card
Encouragement works best when it fits the moment. Some days need belief, some need listening, and some need quiet company.
Mas tumatama ang encouragement kapag bagay sa moment. May araw na kailangan ng tiwala, may araw na pakikinig, at may araw na tahimik na kasama.
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How would you like a friend to respond when you are too tired to join a plan?
Kapag sobrang pagod ka para sumama, paano mo gustong mag-react ang friend sa pagtanggi mo?
Back of the card
Missing one plan does not mean you want to stop being invited.
Hindi ibig sabihin na ayaw mo nang yayain kapag hindi ka nakasama minsan.
Nerves and hopes
4 questions
For a slow evening, phones away.
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Name something you are nervous about that still feels worth trying.
Magsabi ng isang bagay na kinakabahan ka pero parang worth it pa ring subukan.
Back of the card
Nerves and courage often show up together. The fear does not automatically mean the step is wrong.
Madalas magkasama ang kaba at courage. Hindi porket may takot, mali na agad ang step.
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What is one fear about our future that you want me to understand gently?
Ano yung isang fear mo tungkol sa future natin na gusto mong maintindihan ko nang dahan-dahan?
Back of the card
Future fears do not always need instant answers. Sometimes they first need a partner who can listen without rushing to fix them.
Hindi laging kailangan ng instant answer ang future fears. Minsan kailangan muna ng partner na marunong makinig nang hindi minamadaling ayusin.
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Name one hope you are protecting because it matters to you.
Magsabi ng isang hope na iniingatan mo kasi mahalaga talaga sa'yo.
Back of the card
We often protect the hopes that feel tender. You can hold it carefully without pretending it does not matter.
Madalas nating ingatan ang hopes na tender. Puwede mo siyang hawakan nang maingat nang hindi nagkukunwaring hindi siya mahalaga.
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What are you looking forward to over the next few weeks?
Ano ang inaabangan mo sa susunod na mga linggo?
Back of the card
Finish if you like: "The part I cannot wait for is..."
Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Ang pinaka-inaabangan ko ay..."
How to use them
Before you ask
Expecting parents get asked the same questions by everyone: due date, nursery color, names. The questions worth asking each other are different. Who noticed the mess first in your childhood home? Which habit from home made more sense as you got older? Those answers predict a lot about how the two of you will divide the work once the baby arrives.
The months before a birth are the last stretch of easy evenings for a while, and the best time to talk about the load. Asking which part of your life needs more fairness, while you’re both rested and kind, is much easier than having that talk at 3 a.m.
Leave room for the nerves too. Expecting parents often carry a fear they don’t mention because it seems ungrateful. Naming it gently, and naming a hope next to it, is one of the better things you can do together before the baby comes.
Good for
Tips
- Talk about the load before the baby, not after.
- Answer the childhood questions about your own home, then compare.
- Agree on one promise you’ll both keep in the first year.
- Write your hopes down and reread them on the first birthday.
- Keep at least one non-baby date a month on the calendar.
Decks for this
Expecting parents
Frequently asked questions
What should expecting parents talk about before the baby?
Your own childhoods, the kind of home you want, how you’ll share the daily load, and the nerves and hopes each of you is carrying. Talk about fairness while you’re both rested.
What questions should couples ask before having a baby?
Ask who noticed the chores in your childhood home, which part of your life together needs more fairness, what makes help feel supportive, and one fear about the future you want the other to understand gently.
How is this different from the new parents page?
These are for before the birth. The new parents questions are for after, when sleep is short and you need quick ways to reconnect.
Bring a better question to the table.
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