Questions · New parents

Questions for new parents, for staying connected after a baby

Questions for new parents as a couple, short enough for a 2 a.m. feed or the ten minutes after the baby finally sleeps. How you’re each doing, how you team up when you’re both tired, and how you stay the two of you.

  • 22 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Reflect№ 13

Which kind of rest would help you most this week?

Anong klaseng pahinga ang pinaka-makakatulong sa'yo this week?

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A note

Rest is not always sleep. Sometimes it is quiet, help, laughter, less noise, or permission to stop proving.

Hindi laging tulog ang pahinga. Minsan quiet, tulong, tawanan, less noise, o permiso na tumigil muna sa pagpapatunay.

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The questions

22 questions for new parents

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

For a 2 a.m. feed

6 questions

Silly picks that ask almost nothing of a tired brain.

  1. Two choices: unlimited snacks or perfect sleep for one week. Defend your pick.

    Dalawa lang: unlimited snacks o perfect sleep for one week. I-defend ang pick mo.

    Back of the card

    Low-stakes choices still reveal priorities. Snack joy and good sleep are both valid campaign platforms.

    Kahit low-stakes, may priorities pa rin. Snack joy at good sleep, parehong valid campaign platform.

  2. If you could pause time, when would you use it?

    Kung kaya mong i-pause ang oras, kailan mo ito gagamitin?

    Back of the card

    During the pause, would you rush to do something or enjoy the quiet?

    Habang naka-pause, may mamadaliin ka bang gawin o mae-enjoy mo ang katahimikan?

  3. Would you rather have someone cook or clean for you?

    Mas gusto mo bang may magluto o maglinis para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Picture doing something you enjoy while they handle the task.

    Isipin ang masayang gagawin mo habang sila ang bahala.

  4. You wake up on a peaceful island with food and shelter ready. What do you do first?

    Nagising ka sa tahimik na isla na may pagkain at matutuluyan na. Ano ang una mong gagawin?

    Back of the card

    Imagine you find a path across the island. Would you follow it or stay where you are?

    May nakita kang daan sa isla. Susundan mo ba ito o mananatili ka muna sa kinaroroonan mo?

  5. Rate your normal-day clumsiness from 1 to 5, then share one example.

    I-rate from 1 to 5 kung gaano ka ka-clumsy on a normal day, tapos mag-share ng isang example.

    Back of the card

    Clumsiness has a range, and honesty makes the rating better. One good example can turn any score into evidence.

    May range ang clumsiness, at mas funny kapag honest. Isang good example lang, kahit anong score may ebidensya.

  6. Pick one small kindness you can give yourself today.

    Pumili ng isang maliit na kindness na kaya mong ibigay sa sarili mo today.

    Back of the card

    Kindness does not need to be grand to be real. A small mercy can still change how the day feels.

    Hindi kailangang bongga ang kindness para maging totoo. Kahit maliit na mercy, puwedeng baguhin ang feel ng araw.

How you’re each really doing

6 questions

Short check-ins on rest, mood and limits.

  1. Which kind of rest would help you most this week?

    Anong klaseng pahinga ang pinaka-makakatulong sa'yo this week?

    Back of the card

    Rest is not always sleep. Sometimes it is quiet, help, laughter, less noise, or permission to stop proving.

    Hindi laging tulog ang pahinga. Minsan quiet, tulong, tawanan, less noise, o permiso na tumigil muna sa pagpapatunay.

  2. Name one thing you are learning about your limits with energy, time, emotions, or responsibilities.

    Magbanggit ng isang natututuhan mo tungkol sa limits mo sa energy, time, emotions, o responsibilities.

    Back of the card

    Limits can feel frustrating, but they are also information. They show where care needs to become more practical.

    Nakaka-frustrate minsan ang limits, pero may information din sila. Ipinapakita nila kung saan kailangang maging mas practical ang care.

  3. Tell us about a small routine that helps you feel okay when your day feels off.

    Ikuwento yung small routine na tumutulong sa'yo maging okay kapag off ang araw mo.

    Back of the card

    A routine does not have to be impressive to help. Sometimes familiar steps are enough to help you find your footing again.

    Hindi kailangang impressive ang routine para makatulong. Minsan sapat na yung familiar na steps para makabalik ka sa okay.

  4. How do you usually unwind after a long day?

    Paano ka usually nagpapahinga pagkatapos ng mahabang araw?

    Back of the card

    Everyone has a different way of landing after a full day. It can be quiet, active, social, or very simple.

    Iba-iba tayo ng paraan mag-settle after a long day. Puwedeng tahimik, active, may kasama, o simple lang.

  5. How do you talk to yourself when you fall short?

    Paano ka makipag-usap sa sarili mo kapag nagkukulang ka?

    Back of the card

    The voice you use with yourself matters. It can either add weight or make room for a wiser next step.

    Mahalaga yung boses na gamit mo sa sarili mo. Puwede siyang magdagdag ng bigat o magbigay ng space para sa mas wise na next step.

  6. Describe what you usually do when you feel emotionally or mentally full.

    I-describe kung ano usually mong ginagawa kapag emotionally or mentally puno ka na.

    Back of the card

    Your first response to being full can teach you a lot. It may be asking for gentleness, space, or help.

    May tinuturo yung unang response mo kapag puno ka na. Baka kailangan mo ng lambing, space, o tulong.

A team on no sleep

5 questions

Help and kindness when you’re both running on empty.

  1. When we are both tired, what small help from me would mean a lot?

    Kapag pareho tayong pagod, anong maliit na tulong mula sa akin ang malaking bagay sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Tired love does not need grand effort. Small, realistic support can help you stay close without asking too much from either of you.

    Hindi kailangan ng grand effort kapag pareho kayong pagod. Minsan maliit at realistic na support ang tumutulong para manatiling close kayo.

  2. When one or both of us is tired, what do we already do that helps us stay kind to each other?

    Kapag pagod ang isa o pareho sa atin, ano yung nagagawa na natin na tumutulong para maging kind pa rin tayo sa isa't isa?

    Back of the card

    Tiredness can easily create distance. Noticing what already works helps you protect the small habits that keep you close.

    Madaling gumawa ng distance ang pagod. Kapag napansin ninyo kung ano na yung gumagana, mas naaalagaan ninyo yung small habits na nagpapanatiling close kayo.

  3. What is one chore, errand, or task that feels lighter when we do it as a team?

    Anong chore, errand, o task ang gumagaan kapag team tayo?

    Back of the card

    Teamwork is not only for big seasons. It also shows up in the small work of keeping life moving.

    Hindi lang pang-big season ang teamwork. Lumalabas din ito sa maliliit na gawain para gumalaw ang buhay.

  4. After a hard day, what simple comfort from me helps you feel okay again?

    After a hard day, anong simpleng comfort mula sa akin ang nakakatulong sa'yo maging okay ulit?

    Back of the card

    Comfort does not have to fix everything. Sometimes it just needs to remind your partner they are not carrying the day alone.

    Hindi kailangang ayusin ng comfort ang lahat. Minsan sapat na ma-remind ang partner mo na hindi niya dala ang araw mag-isa.

  5. What might you need to say no to, pause, or limit so your week feels lighter?

    Ano yung kailangan mong hihindian, i-pause, o limitahan para mas gumaan ang week mo?

    Back of the card

    A boundary is not always a wall. Sometimes it is a small line that helps you stay present and honest.

    Hindi laging pader ang boundary. Minsan maliit na line lang siya para mas present at honest ka.

Still the two of you

5 questions

Small ways back to each other.

  1. After a long day, what small thing helps us reconnect?

    After a long day, anong maliit na bagay ang tumutulong sa atin mag-reconnect?

    Back of the card

    Reconnection does not have to be dramatic. Sometimes it is a snack, a walk, a hug, or ten quiet minutes together.

    Hindi kailangang dramatic ang reconnection. Minsan snack, lakad, yakap, o sampung tahimik na minuto lang together.

  2. What simple date or hangout would you still enjoy with me?

    Anong simpleng date o hangout ang gusto mo pa ring gawin natin?

    Back of the card

    Simple plans can show what kind of togetherness feels good right now: quiet, playful, slow, active, or just being together.

    Sa simple plans, lumalabas kung anong klaseng togetherness ang masarap ngayon: tahimik, playful, chill, active, o basta magkasama.

  3. What playful little habit of ours do you hope we keep?

    Ano yung maliit na playful habit natin na sana hindi mawala?

    Back of the card

    Play helps protect a relationship from becoming only serious, busy, or practical with each other.

    Nakakatulong ang play para hindi lang maging seryoso, busy, o practical ang relationship ninyo.

  4. Tell us about a small habit at home that you thought was normal for everyone.

    Kuwento mo yung maliit na habit sa bahay na akala mo normal sa lahat.

    Back of the card

    Every home has its own normal. Sometimes you only notice it when another house does things differently.

    Bawat bahay may sariling normal. Minsan doon mo lang napapansin kapag iba pala ang style sa ibang bahay.

  5. Who taught you a useful skill or habit you still use in daily life?

    Sino yung nagturo sa'yo ng useful skill o habit na gamit mo pa rin sa daily life?

    Back of the card

    Practical lessons are easy to overlook, but they stay close. They show up in the small ways you move through a day.

    Madaling ma-overlook ang practical lessons, pero dala-dala mo pala. Lumalabas sila sa maliliit mong galaw araw-araw.

How to use them

Before you ask

After a baby, conversation shrinks to handovers: when did she last eat, did you get the wipes, your turn. That’s survival, and it’s fine for a while. But weeks of only handovers can leave two people feeling like coworkers on opposite shifts. A single real question a day, about how the other person is actually doing, keeps you on the same side. It doesn’t need a date night or a babysitter.

Use the light ones when you’re both too tired to think; a silly pick between perfect sleep and unlimited snacks can be the first laugh in days. Ask the check-in questions on a calmer night, and don’t let the teamwork ones turn into a scoreboard. The point isn’t to settle who did more. It’s to notice what would make tomorrow a little easier for both of you, then do one of those things.

Some of these are from the Couples deck; others are gentle questions about rest and limits that anyone can answer. The Couples Edition has more when you have the energy. Every card has a Tagalog version, which helps when a grandparent is staying over and wants to join in. Pass any card, any night. Sleep is also a valid answer.

Good for

  • Night feeds and early mornings
  • The first few months home
  • Ten minutes after bedtime
  • A walk with the stroller
  • Couples taking turns on parental leave

Tips

  1. One question a day is enough; you don’t need a whole evening.
  2. Ask how they’re doing before you ask what needs doing.
  3. Don’t keep score with the teamwork questions; look for one fix for tomorrow.
  4. Skip the deeper ones when either of you is running on no sleep.
  5. Say thank you out loud for something small the other did today.

Decks for this

New parents

Frequently asked questions

How do new parents stay connected?

With small, regular moments rather than big plans: one real question a day, a thank-you for something specific, a few minutes together after bedtime that aren’t about the baby. Ask how the other person is doing, not only what needs doing.

What questions should new parents ask each other?

Ask what kind of rest would help this week, what small help means a lot when you’re both tired, what you could say no to for now, and which little habit of yours you hope to keep as a couple.

How do you talk to your partner about feeling overwhelmed after a baby?

Pick a calm moment, describe how you feel rather than what they did wrong, and ask for one specific kind of help. If the feeling is heavy or lasts for weeks, talk to a doctor too; struggling after a birth is common and treatable.

Is there an app for couples to talk after having a baby?

Kumustahan is a conversation card app with a Couples deck and a Reflect deck, in English with Tagalog on every card. It works offline on one phone, so you can play a single card during a night feed.

Bring a better question to the table.

Free on iPhone and Android. 420 cards free, no account, works offline.

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