Questions · Wife

Questions to ask your wife that aren’t about the schedule

Questions to ask your wife on an ordinary evening. Light ones about her day, then who she is apart from every role she plays, how the two of you share the load, and the closer things she rarely gets asked.

  • 25 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Reflect№ 05

Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

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A note

Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

25 questions to ask your wife

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Light ones for dinner

8 questions

Small pleasures, and the errands she secretly likes.

  1. What little thing has gone well for us lately that we should celebrate more?

    Anong maliit na bagay ang naging okay sa atin lately na dapat nating i-celebrate pa?

    Back of the card

    Good moments grow when they are noticed. Celebrating what went well keeps the relationship from feeling like only tasks and problems.

    Mas lumalakas yung magagandang moments kapag napapansin. Kapag sine-celebrate natin yung naging okay, hindi puro tasks at problema ang relationship.

  2. What is something I handled well recently that meant more to you than I realized?

    Ano yung isang bagay na nahandle ko nang maayos recently na mas malaking bagay pala sa'yo kaysa akala ko?

    Back of the card

    Specific appreciation helps your partner see what felt caring, steady, mature, or brave in real life.

    Nakakatulong ang specific appreciation para makita ng partner mo kung ano yung naging caring, steady, mature, o brave sa totoong buhay.

  3. What playful little habit of ours do you hope we keep?

    Ano yung maliit na playful habit natin na sana hindi mawala?

    Back of the card

    Play helps protect a relationship from becoming only serious, busy, or practical with each other.

    Nakakatulong ang play para hindi lang maging seryoso, busy, o practical ang relationship ninyo.

  4. If someone were choosing a snack or drink for you, what’s one choice that would almost always work?

    Kung may pipili ng snack o drink para sa'yo, ano yung halos laging okay sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Tiny preferences can be an easy way to know someone better. It feels good when people remember the simple things.

    Minsan sa small preferences tayo mas nakikilala. Nakakatuwa rin kapag may nakakaalala ng simple things about you.

  5. At home, who usually notices the chores, mess, or little things first?

    Sa bahay ninyo, sino yung madalas unang nakakapansin ng chores, kalat, o maliliit na kailangan gawin?

    Back of the card

    Every home has someone who notices first. That kind of attention can be quiet, but it keeps many things moving.

    Sa bawat bahay, may taong unang nakakapansin. Tahimik minsan yung ganung attention, pero marami siyang napapaandar.

  6. Describe your favorite quiet moment at home in one sentence.

    I-describe in one sentence yung favorite mong tahimik na moment sa bahay.

    Back of the card

    Quiet at home can be its own kind of treat. Sometimes the best part is that nothing needs to happen.

    Yung tahimik sa bahay, treat din minsan. Minsan best part na yung walang kailangang mangyari.

  7. Which small outside task do you secretly like doing, like buying something, picking something up, or dropping something off?

    Anong maliit na task sa labas ang secretly gusto mong gawin, like bumili, kumuha, o maghatid ng something?

    Back of the card

    A small task outside can feel strangely satisfying. It gives the day a tiny mission with a clear finish line.

    May small task sa labas na strangely satisfying. Parang may tiny mission yung araw, tapos malinaw kung kailan tapos.

  8. Pick one small item you use often that makes life feel a little easier.

    Pumili ng isang small item na madalas mong gamitin at nagpapagaan ng life kahit konti.

    Back of the card

    Small useful things can feel quietly heroic. They make the day easier without asking for attention.

    May small useful things na quietly heroic. Pinapadali nila yung araw nang hindi nagpapapansin, kahit simple lang sila.

Her, apart from every role

6 questions

Who she is when she isn’t looking after everyone.

  1. Where do you feel like you do not have to adjust yourself too much these days?

    Saan mo nararamdaman lately na hindi mo kailangang masyadong i-adjust sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    The places where you feel like yourself can teach you what helps you breathe, belong, and come back to center.

    Yung mga lugar na parang ikaw ka talaga, may tinuturo. Baka doon ka mas nakakahinga, nakakagaan, o nakakabalik sa sarili.

  2. Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.

    I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.

    Back of the card

    Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.

    Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.

  3. When do you usually feel fully present in the moment, like during rest, work, prayer, conversation, or play?

    Kailan mo usually nararamdaman na fully present ka sa moment, like kapag nagpapahinga, nagwo-work, nagpe-pray, may kausap, o naglalaro?

    Back of the card

    Presence often has a pattern. The moments when you feel fully there can point toward what helps you feel whole.

    May pattern din ang pagiging present. Yung moments na nandun ka talaga, puwedeng magturo kung ano ang nagpapabuong muli sa'yo.

  4. What would you like to make more time for this month?

    Ano ang gusto mong bigyan ng mas maraming oras ngayong buwan?

    Back of the card

    Imagine an extra afternoon opens up. Would you spend it all on this or leave some time free?

    Isipin na nabakante ang isang hapon. Ilalaan mo ba lahat ng oras dito o magtitira ka pa ng libreng oras?

  5. Name one small wish you have for yourself this year.

    Ano yung isang maliit na wish mo para sa sarili mo this year?

    Back of the card

    Small wishes can still be honest. They may be easier to say out loud because they do not demand a perfect life.

    Maliit man yung wish, honest pa rin. Minsan mas madaling sabihin kasi hindi niya hinihingi na perfect ang buhay.

  6. When did you realize a habit you already had was helping you?

    Kailan mo na-realize na nakakatulong pala yung habit na meron ka na?

    Back of the card

    Helpful habits are not always dramatic. Sometimes you only notice them when life feels a little easier because they are there.

    Hindi laging dramatic ang helpful habits. Minsan mo lang sila napapansin kapag mas gumagaan ang life dahil nandiyan sila.

The load you share

6 questions

Stress, help and fairness, asked when things are calm.

  1. When you are stressed, what signs do you wish I noticed sooner?

    Kapag stressed ka, anong signs ang sana mas napapansin ko agad?

    Back of the card

    Stress can show up as silence, busyness, or short replies. Knowing the signs helps your support arrive earlier.

    Minsan lumalabas ang stress sa tahimik, busy, o maikling sagot. Kapag alam mo ang signs, mas maagang dumarating ang support.

  2. When I am trying to help with something you are dealing with, what makes my help feel supportive instead of controlling?

    Kapag tinutulungan kita sa pinagdadaanan mo, ano yung nagpaparamdam na supportive ako at hindi controlling?

    Back of the card

    Help lands better when it still respects your partner's choice. Good support helps them feel accompanied, not managed.

    Mas okay ang tulong kapag may respeto pa rin sa choice ng partner mo. Good support makes them feel na may kasama sila, hindi minamanage.

  3. What part of our life needs more fairness, and feels safe enough to talk about calmly?

    Anong part ng buhay natin ang kailangan ng mas fairness, at kaya nating pag-usapan nang kalmado?

    Back of the card

    Fairness is easier to talk about when it is specific. One calm area is better than opening every frustration at once.

    Mas madaling pag-usapan ang fairness kapag specific. Mas okay ang isang kalmadong area kaysa sabay-sabay na buksan lahat ng frustration.

  4. After a hard day, what simple comfort from me helps you feel okay again?

    After a hard day, anong simpleng comfort mula sa akin ang nakakatulong sa'yo maging okay ulit?

    Back of the card

    Comfort does not have to fix everything. Sometimes it just needs to remind your partner they are not carrying the day alone.

    Hindi kailangang ayusin ng comfort ang lahat. Minsan sapat na ma-remind ang partner mo na hindi niya dala ang araw mag-isa.

  5. Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.

    Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.

    Back of the card

    Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.

    May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.

  6. Where are you spending energy that you wish you could save?

    Saan napupunta ang energy mo na sana naiipon mo na lang?

    Back of the card

    Energy is limited, even when love or responsibility is real. Noticing the drain is the first step toward caring for it.

    Limited ang energy, kahit totoo ang love o responsibility. Kapag napansin mo kung saan ka nauubos, mas maalagaan mo siya.

Closer, when it’s quiet

5 questions

For a slow night with nowhere to be.

  1. What small thing I do on a normal day makes you feel chosen?

    Anong maliit na ginagawa ko sa ordinary day ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na pinipili kita?

    Back of the card

    Feeling chosen does not always come from big promises. Often, it comes from steady attention in ordinary moments.

    Hindi laging big promises ang nagpaparamdam na pinipili ka. Madalas, galing ito sa steady na attention sa ordinary moments.

  2. What kind of consistency from me helps you feel more secure in us?

    Anong klaseng consistency mula sa akin ang tumutulong sa'yo maging mas secure sa atin?

    Back of the card

    Trust often grows through patterns, not one big moment. Naming the pattern helps your partner know what steadiness feels like to you.

    Madalas lumalalim ang trust sa patterns, hindi sa isang big moment lang. Kapag napangalanan ang pattern, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang steady para sa'yo.

  3. What part of this season of your life do you want me to understand better?

    Ano sa season mo ngayon ang gusto mong mas maintindihan ko?

    Back of the card

    People change by season. Updating each other keeps love attached to the person in front of you now.

    Nagbabago ang tao depende sa season. Kapag nag-u-update kayo, minamahal ninyo yung taong nasa harap ninyo ngayon.

  4. Where do you need to be less harsh with yourself?

    Saan mo kailangang bawasan ang pagiging harsh sa sarili mo?

    Back of the card

    Being less harsh does not mean caring less. It can mean choosing a voice that helps you keep moving honestly.

    Hindi ibig sabihin na wala kang pakialam kapag hindi ka harsh. Baka mas helpful lang ang boses na hindi ka dinudurog.

  5. Say one brave thing you can admit you want.

    Sabihin ang isang brave na bagay na kaya mong aminin na gusto mo.

    Back of the card

    Wanting can feel risky when the answer is not guaranteed. Naming the desire is already a brave kind of honesty.

    Risky minsan umamin ng gusto mo kapag walang guarantee. Pero courage na rin yung kaya mo siyang sabihin nang honest.

How to use them

Before you ask

A lot of wives get asked the same few questions every day: did you call the plumber, where are the keys, what time is the thing on Saturday. The questions that land are different. They’re about her: what she secretly enjoys, what she’s quietly proud of handling, what she’d make time for if the week let her. Ask those, then remember the answers. That is most of what paying attention means.

Start light, at dinner or on a walk. Then ask about who she is outside of being your wife, a mother, a daughter or the reliable one at work; many women rarely get that question at all. The questions about sharing the load are not a performance review. Ask them when things are calm, listen to the whole answer, and resist explaining why you did what you did.

The couples questions come from the Couples deck, and the Couples Edition goes further when you’re ready. Every card has a Tagalog version too. Answer each one yourself, keep your phone face down, and let her pass anything. She’ll tell you more once it’s clear she doesn’t have to.

Good for

  • Dinner after a long week
  • A walk or a slow coffee on the weekend
  • Anniversaries and birthdays
  • Busy seasons when you mostly pass each other
  • Video calls when one of you travels for work

Tips

  1. Ask about her, not only about the house or the kids.
  2. When she names something heavy, say what you heard before you defend anything.
  3. Remember one answer and act on it later in the week, without announcing it.
  4. Notice who usually starts these conversations, and start one yourself.
  5. Let her choose the next card now and then.

Decks for this

Wife

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask your wife?

Questions about her as a person, not just her roles: what she secretly enjoys doing, what feels different about her lately, what she wishes she had more time for. Then ask how you share the load and how she likes to be supported.

How do I connect with my wife again?

Make small, regular time to talk about something other than logistics, ask specific questions and listen without fixing. A few honest minutes most evenings does more than one big talk a year.

What deep questions should I ask my wife?

Ask which expectation of herself feels too heavy lately, what part of this season she wants you to understand, and what kind of consistency from you helps her feel secure. Ask on a calm night and answer them yourself too.

Is there an app with questions for married couples?

Yes. Kumustahan is a conversation card app with a Couples deck in English, Tagalog on every card, and a Go deeper setting for the closer questions. It works offline on one phone.

Bring a better question to the table.

Free on iPhone and Android. 420 cards free, no account, works offline.

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