Questions · Long-term couples

Questions for long-term couples who think they’ve heard every story

Relationship questions for long-term couples, for the stage where you can finish each other’s sentences and sometimes do. Your story so far, a few to shake up the routine, who you’re each becoming, and what you’re still learning.

  • 23 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
  • Free in the app
Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Couples№ 19

What is one memory with me that still gives you a good feeling?

Ano yung memory natin na hanggang ngayon good feeling pa rin para sa'yo?

Tap to flipkumustahan
A note

Good memories are not only for nostalgia. They remind you what kind of connection is worth repeating.

Hindi lang pang-nostalgia ang good memories. Pinapaalala nila kung anong klaseng connection ang worth ulitin.

Tap to returnkumustahan

The questions

23 questions for long-term couples

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

Your story so far

5 questions

Warm, easy memories to start with.

  1. What is one memory with me that still gives you a good feeling?

    Ano yung memory natin na hanggang ngayon good feeling pa rin para sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Good memories are not only for nostalgia. They remind you what kind of connection is worth repeating.

    Hindi lang pang-nostalgia ang good memories. Pinapaalala nila kung anong klaseng connection ang worth ulitin.

  2. What ordinary routine of ours would you miss if it disappeared?

    Anong ordinary routine natin ang mami-miss mo kung ito ay mawawala?

    Back of the card

    Routines can feel small until they are gone. They quietly hold the shape of your life together.

    Mukhang maliit ang routines hanggang mawala sila. Tahimik nilang binubuo yung feeling ng buhay ninyong magkasama.

  3. What has gotten better in the way we talk to each other?

    Ano yung mas gumanda sa paraan natin mag-usap?

    Back of the card

    Improvement deserves to be noticed. It gives both of you proof that change is possible and worth continuing.

    Dapat napapansin ang improvement. Nagbibigay ito sa inyong dalawa ng proof na possible ang change at worth it ipagpatuloy.

  4. What day from the past would you like to watch?

    Anong araw sa nakaraan ang gusto mong mapanood?

    Back of the card

    Pause on one scene from that day. Which detail would you want to look at longer?

    Huminto muna sa isang eksena ng araw na iyon. Anong detalye ang gusto mong tingnan nang mas matagal?

  5. Tell us the funny memory your friends or family still bring up.

    Ikuwento yung funny memory na binabalikan pa rin ng friends o family mo.

    Back of the card

    Some stories become part of a group's archive. If people still bring it up, it probably earned its place.

    May stories na parte na ng group archive. Kapag binabalikan pa rin, malamang deserve niya yung spot.

Out of the rut

5 questions

A few to shake up a routine night.

  1. Imagine your future self laughing at one thing you're doing now. What is it?

    Imagine yung future self mo natatawa sa isang ginagawa mo ngayon. Ano yun?

    Back of the card

    Future you may have a softer sense of humor about today. Some things feel bigger before time makes them funny.

    Baka mas soft na tumawa ang future self mo sa today. May bagay na malaki ngayon, pero funny later.

  2. Which button would you rather have: pause a busy hour or replay a favorite hour?

    Kung may time button, alin ang pipiliin mo: i-pause ang isang abalang oras o ulitin ang paborito mong oras?

    Back of the card

    Your button needs a label. What would you write on it?

    Kailangan ng label ang button mo. Ano ang isusulat mo rito?

  3. For one afternoon, would you explore a peaceful village, a future city, or a jungle with a guide?

    Saan mo gustong magpalipas ng hapon: tahimik na village, siyudad sa future, o gubat na may guide?

    Back of the card

    Bring home an imaginary souvenir from your visit. What is it?

    Mag-uwi ng souvenir mula sa pagbisitang iniisip mo. Ano iyon?

  4. Choose a safe tour: outer space or the bottom of the ocean.

    Pumili ng ligtas na tour: outer space o ilalim ng dagat.

    Back of the card

    Choose one sight from the tour you would want as your phone wallpaper.

    Pumili ng tanawin sa tour na gusto mong gawing wallpaper sa phone.

  5. If your old phone could save only one, would you keep the photos or the messages?

    Kung isa lang ang mase-save sa lumang phone mo, photos o messages ang ititira mo?

    Back of the card

    Imagine giving the saved memories a title. No need to show any photos or messages.

    Isipin na bibigyan mo ng pamagat ang natirang mga alaala. Hindi kailangang magpakita ng photos o messages.

Who you’re each becoming

6 questions

Because the person you married keeps changing.

  1. Which version of your past self are you starting to understand more now?

    Aling version ng past self mo ang nagsisimula mong mas maintindihan ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Understanding your past self does not erase what happened. It can soften the way you hold the person you were.

    Hindi binubura ng understanding ang nangyari. Pero puwede nitong palambutin kung paano mo hinahawakan yung dating ikaw.

  2. Name something you are outgrowing, even if you still care about it.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na parang ino-outgrow mo na, kahit may care ka pa rin doon.

    Back of the card

    Outgrowing something does not always mean rejecting it. Sometimes it means honoring what was real while making room to change.

    Hindi laging rejection ang pag-outgrow. Minsan pag-honor siya sa naging totoo, habang gumagawa ng space para magbago.

  3. Describe the kind of person your recent choices point toward.

    I-describe kung anong klaseng tao ang tinuturo ng recent choices mo.

    Back of the card

    Your choices are not the whole story, but they do point somewhere. Notice the direction without rushing to judge it.

    Hindi buong story ang choices mo, pero may direction silang tinuturo. Pansinin muna bago husgahan.

  4. What is something you can handle better now than before?

    Ano yung mas kaya mo nang i-handle ngayon kaysa dati?

    Back of the card

    Growth is often noticed in comparison. What used to shake you may now take less from you.

    Madalas napapansin ang growth kapag may comparison. Yung dati kang kinakabahan, baka ngayon mas kaya mo nang harapin.

  5. What can you do now that would have surprised you a few years ago?

    Ano ang kaya mo na ngayon na hindi mo inakalang magagawa mo ilang taon na ang nakaraan?

    Back of the card

    Picture showing your younger self how you do it. What might surprise them first?

    Isipin na ipinapakita mo sa mas batang sarili mo kung paano mo ito ginagawa. Ano kaya ang una niyang ikagugulat?

  6. Which part of yourself are you learning to accept?

    Anong part ng sarili mo ang natututuhan mong tanggapin?

    Back of the card

    Acceptance can be slow and ordinary. Sometimes it begins when you stop arguing with one true part of yourself.

    Mabagal at ordinary minsan ang acceptance. Minsan nagsisimula siya kapag hindi mo na inaaway ang isang totoong part mo.

What you’re still learning

7 questions

How you notice and care for each other now.

  1. What small habit of mine makes you feel cared for?

    Ano yung maliit kong habit na nagpaparamdam sa'yo na inaalagaan kita?

    Back of the card

    Care does not always have to be big. Sometimes it is a small pattern your partner has learned to count on.

    Hindi kailangang grand ang care. Minsan maliit na habit lang siya na natutunan mong asahan sa akin.

  2. When we are around other people, what makes you feel seen by me?

    Kapag may ibang tao sa paligid, ano yung nagpaparamdam sa'yo na napapansin pa rin kita?

    Back of the card

    Being seen around others can feel deeply reassuring. It shows your connection still matters, even when people are watching.

    Nakakapanatag kapag ramdam mong nakikita ka kahit may ibang tao. Pinapakita nito na mahalaga pa rin ang connection ninyo, kahit may nakakakita.

  3. What makes you feel like I am really paying attention to you?

    Ano yung nagpaparamdam sa'yo na talagang nakikinig at attentive ako?

    Back of the card

    Attention feels like love when it feels personal. Specific examples help your partner know what to keep doing.

    Mas ramdam ang love kapag personal ang attention. Kapag specific ang example, mas alam ng partner mo kung ano ang ipagpapatuloy.

  4. What habit of ours do you hope we keep in the next season?

    Anong habit natin ang sana ituloy natin sa next season?

    Back of the card

    Keeping what works is also growth. Not every next step has to be about fixing a problem.

    Growth din ang pagpapatuloy ng gumagana. Hindi lahat ng next step kailangang tungkol sa pag-aayos ng problema.

  5. What is one quiet strength in our relationship right now?

    Ano yung isang quiet strength ng relationship natin ngayon?

    Back of the card

    Strength does not always have to be obvious. Naming what feels steady can give you both courage for what is still growing.

    Hindi kailangang obvious lagi ang strength. Kapag napangalanan ninyo kung ano yung steady, mas may courage kayo para sa mga bagay na lumalago pa.

  6. What boundary around time, phones, or attention would help us be more present with each other?

    Anong boundary sa time, phone, o attention ang makakatulong para mas present tayo sa isa't isa?

    Back of the card

    Boundaries are not always walls. Sometimes they protect the attention your relationship needs to feel connected.

    Hindi laging pader ang boundaries. Minsan pinoprotektahan nila yung attention na kailangan ng relationship para mas maramdaman ang connection.

  7. What small thing I do on a normal day makes you feel chosen?

    Anong maliit na ginagawa ko sa ordinary day ang nagpaparamdam sa'yo na pinipili kita?

    Back of the card

    Feeling chosen does not always come from big promises. Often, it comes from steady attention in ordinary moments.

    Hindi laging big promises ang nagpaparamdam na pinipili ka. Madalas, galing ito sa steady na attention sa ordinary moments.

How to use them

Before you ask

After enough years, couples stop asking each other questions because they assume they know the answers. Often they did know, five years ago. People keep changing: what matters to them, what they’re outgrowing, which version of their younger self they finally understand. These questions are for catching up with the person you live with, the way you’d catch up with an old friend you hadn’t seen in a while.

Mix the nostalgic with the new. Start with a shared memory, since it’s warm and easy, then move to who you’re each becoming, and save the questions about attention and phones for a calm night. Don’t guess your partner’s answer out loud before they give it. That’s the habit that makes long relationships feel like reruns. Let them surprise you.

About half of these come from the Couples deck; the rest are questions anyone can answer, which is the point. The Couples Edition has more. Every card has a Tagalog version, nice when one of you grew up with it. Pass any card you’re not up for, and try one new question a week rather than a big interview every anniversary.

Good for

  • Anniversaries, from the fifth to the fortieth
  • A weekend away without the kids
  • The empty-nest years
  • Couples stuck on the same three topics
  • Long drives you’ve done a hundred times

Tips

  1. Don’t answer for your partner, even if you’re sure you know.
  2. Ask “what’s changed?” as often as “do you remember?”
  3. Try one new question a week instead of saving them for anniversaries.
  4. Leave the phones in another room for the deeper ones.
  5. If an answer surprises you, ask a follow-up before you react.

Decks for this

Long-term couples

Frequently asked questions

What questions should long-term couples ask each other?

Ask about who you’re each becoming as well as what you remember: what they’re outgrowing, what they handle better now than before, which shared habit they hope you keep. People change over the years, so old answers go out of date.

How do you keep a long relationship interesting?

Keep asking real questions instead of assuming you know the answers, try small new things together, and protect some time without phones. Curiosity about each other matters more than novelty.

How do you reconnect after years together?

Start small and regular: one honest question over dinner, a walk without errands, a memory you both like. Then ask what has changed for each of you lately and listen to the whole answer.

Are there conversation cards for couples who have been together a long time?

Yes. Kumustahan’s Couples deck has questions about memories, routines and the season ahead, in English with Tagalog on every card. The other decks add questions about growing and changing that suit long relationships.

Bring a better question to the table.

Free on iPhone and Android. 420 cards free, no account, works offline.

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play