Questions · New dad

Questions to ask a new dad, besides “is the baby sleeping?”

Questions for a new dad, from his partner, a friend or his own father: the small things keeping him going, what he learned from his dad, the pressure he doesn’t mention, and the kind of dad he wants to be.

  • 16 questions
  • EN + TL on every card
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Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.

Getting to know№ 18

After a busy or tiring season, how can people tell that you’ve actually rested?

After ng busy o nakakapagod na season, paano malalaman ng mga tao na nakapagpahinga ka talaga?

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A note

Real rest often shows up quietly: more patience, more jokes, clearer thoughts, or simply a softer face.

Madalas tahimik lang makita ang tunay na pahinga: mas mahaba ang pasensya, mas may jokes, mas malinaw mag-isip, o mas maaliwalas lang.

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The questions

16 questions to ask a new dad

Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.

What’s keeping him going

4 questions

Snacks, sleep and the one thing that can wait.

  1. Two choices: unlimited snacks or perfect sleep for one week. Defend your pick.

    Dalawa lang: unlimited snacks o perfect sleep for one week. I-defend ang pick mo.

    Back of the card

    Low-stakes choices still reveal priorities. Snack joy and good sleep are both valid campaign platforms.

    Kahit low-stakes, may priorities pa rin. Snack joy at good sleep, parehong valid campaign platform.

  2. Name one thing that can wait until tomorrow.

    Magbanggit ng isang bagay na puwedeng maghintay hanggang bukas.

    Back of the card

    Not everything needs today's strength. Letting one thing wait can be a practical kind of kindness.

    Hindi lahat kailangan ng lakas mo today. Minsan praktikal na kindness yung hayaan munang maghintay ang isang bagay.

  3. After a busy or tiring season, how can people tell that you’ve actually rested?

    After ng busy o nakakapagod na season, paano malalaman ng mga tao na nakapagpahinga ka talaga?

    Back of the card

    Real rest often shows up quietly: more patience, more jokes, clearer thoughts, or simply a softer face.

    Madalas tahimik lang makita ang tunay na pahinga: mas mahaba ang pasensya, mas may jokes, mas malinaw mag-isip, o mas maaliwalas lang.

  4. Pick one small thing lately that helped you breathe easier.

    Pick one maliit na bagay lately na nakatulong sa'yo huminga nang mas maluwag.

    Back of the card

    Relief can be small and still be real. Notice what gave your body or mind a little more room.

    Puwedeng maliit ang ginhawa pero totoo pa rin. Pansinin kung ano ang nagbigay ng konting luwag sa katawan o isip mo.

What his own dad did

5 questions

Skills and fairness he learned, and what he’s keeping.

  1. Who taught you a useful skill or habit you still use in daily life?

    Sino yung nagturo sa'yo ng useful skill o habit na gamit mo pa rin sa daily life?

    Back of the card

    Practical lessons are easy to overlook, but they stay close. They show up in the small ways you move through a day.

    Madaling ma-overlook ang practical lessons, pero dala-dala mo pala. Lumalabas sila sa maliliit mong galaw araw-araw.

  2. What useful skill did someone patiently teach you?

    Anong kasanayan ang matiyagang itinuro sa'yo ng isang tao?

    Back of the card

    Imagine you are teaching the skill now. What would you show a beginner first?

    Isipin na ikaw naman ang nagtuturo nito. Ano ang una mong ipapakita sa baguhan?

  3. Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.

    Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.

    Back of the card

    Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.

    Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.

  4. Who is someone you respect for the way they live, even in small things?

    Sino yung taong nirerespeto mo sa paraan ng buhay niya, kahit sa maliliit na bagay?

    Back of the card

    Respect often begins with small, steady things. A simple habit can show a lot about how someone moves through life.

    Madalas nagsisimula ang respeto sa maliliit pero consistent na bagay. May simpleng habit na maraming sinasabi tungkol sa isang tao.

  5. Share the first time you did something on your own and felt more capable afterward.

    Ikuwento ang unang beses mong gumawa ng isang bagay mag-isa at naisip mong, "Kaya ko pala."

    Back of the card

    Finish if you like: "That was when I realized I could..."

    Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Doon ko naisip na kaya ko palang..."

Under pressure

4 questions

New dads rarely say this unprompted.

  1. What are you afraid might happen if you rest, delay something, or do less for a while?

    Ano ang kinakatakot mong mangyari kung magpahinga ka, may i-delay, o bawasan muna ang ginagawa mo?

    Back of the card

    The fear behind busyness is worth hearing. It may show what has been asking too much from you.

    Pakinggan din yung takot sa likod ng pagiging busy. Baka may pinapakita siyang sobrang dami nang hinihingi sa'yo.

  2. Name one pressure you may have gotten used to carrying lately.

    Magbanggit ng isang pressure na baka nasanay ka nang dalhin lately.

    Back of the card

    Some pressure becomes familiar, but familiar does not always mean light. You can notice it without needing to solve it tonight.

    May pressure na nasasanayan, pero hindi ibig sabihin magaan na siya. Puwede mo munang mapansin bago ayusin.

  3. Name one expectation of yourself that feels too heavy lately.

    Magsabi ng isang expectation mo sa sarili mo na parang ang bigat lately.

    Back of the card

    Some expectations sound responsible but leave no room to breathe. You can ask whether they are still fair.

    May expectations na responsible pakinggan pero walang space huminga. Puwede mong tanungin kung fair pa ba sila.

  4. What small task would you happily ask a friend to help with?

    Sa anong simpleng gawain mo gustong magpatulong sa friend?

    Back of the card

    Would their help save time, make it more fun, or simply give you company?

    Makakatipid ba ng oras ang tulong nila, mas magiging masaya, o magkakaroon ka lang ng kasama?

The dad he wants to be

3 questions

For later, when the fog lifts a little.

  1. Pick one value you want to show up in your week.

    Pumili ng isang value na gusto mong makita sa week mo.

    Back of the card

    A value becomes real in small choices. One week is enough space to practice it gently.

    Nagiging real ang value sa maliliit na choices. Sapat na ang isang week para i-practice siya nang gentle.

  2. Name something that matters to you more now than it used to.

    Magsabi ng isang bagay na mas mahalaga na sa'yo ngayon kaysa dati.

    Back of the card

    What matters can change as you grow. That shift is not betrayal; it may be a clearer kind of honesty.

    Puwedeng magbago ang mahalaga habang naggo-grow ka. Hindi agad betrayal yun; baka mas malinaw na honesty.

  3. What recent choice shows something that matters to you?

    Anong pinili mo lately ang nagpapakita ng mahalaga sa'yo?

    Back of the card

    Finish if you like: "I chose it because I care about..."

    Kung gusto mo, ituloy: "Iyon ang pinili ko dahil mahalaga sa'kin ang..."

How to use them

Before you ask

Everyone asks a new dad about the baby. Hardly anyone asks about him. New dads are often running on little sleep, going back to work fast, and quietly wondering whether they’re doing it right, and most won’t bring that up unless someone asks a specific question.

Start light. Unlimited snacks or perfect sleep for a week gets a real laugh from a new dad. Then ask about his own father: who taught him a skill he still uses, what kind of fairness he remembers. Many new dads are working out, in real time, what to keep and what to change from how they were raised.

The pressure questions are for a friend or partner, one-on-one. Asking what he’s afraid might happen if he rests or does less for a while often opens up the thing he’s been carrying alone.

Good for

  • Visiting a friend with a newborn
  • Partners checking in on each other
  • Dad groups and new-dad meetups
  • A first Father’s Day
  • Grandfathers talking with their sons

Tips

  1. Bring food and ask one question, not ten.
  2. Ask about him, not the baby, at least once.
  3. Offer a specific help, like a meal or an errand, instead of “let me know.”
  4. Share your own early-dad struggles if you have them.
  5. Check in again at three months, when the visitors stop coming.

Decks for this

New dad

Frequently asked questions

What should I ask a new dad?

Ask how he’s really doing, what one thing can wait until tomorrow, what he learned from his own dad, what small task he’d happily accept help with, and later, what kind of dad he wants to be.

How can I support a friend who just became a dad?

Bring food, offer specific help, ask about him and not just the baby, and keep checking in after the first few weeks when attention drops off.

Do these work for second-time dads?

Yes. Second-time dads often feel the pressure questions even more, because everyone assumes they’ve got it figured out.

Bring a better question to the table.

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