Questions · New mom
Questions to ask a new mom that are about her
Questions to ask a new mom when you visit, call or text: what would actually help, how she’s really doing, who she still is beyond the baby, and the small wins nobody else is noticing.
- 16 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
How would you like a friend to respond when you are too tired to join a plan?
Kapag sobrang pagod ka para sumama, paano mo gustong mag-react ang friend sa pagtanggi mo?
Missing one plan does not mean you want to stop being invited.
Hindi ibig sabihin na ayaw mo nang yayain kapag hindi ka nakasama minsan.
The questions
16 questions to ask a new mom
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
What would actually help
4 questions
Ask these before you offer anything.
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What small task would you happily ask a friend to help with?
Sa anong simpleng gawain mo gustong magpatulong sa friend?
Back of the card
Would their help save time, make it more fun, or simply give you company?
Makakatipid ba ng oras ang tulong nila, mas magiging masaya, o magkakaroon ka lang ng kasama?
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How would you like a friend to respond when you are too tired to join a plan?
Kapag sobrang pagod ka para sumama, paano mo gustong mag-react ang friend sa pagtanggi mo?
Back of the card
Missing one plan does not mean you want to stop being invited.
Hindi ibig sabihin na ayaw mo nang yayain kapag hindi ka nakasama minsan.
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What kind of message from a friend is easy for you to reply to?
Anong message mula sa friend ang madali mong sagutin?
Back of the card
You could write an example with no names or real chat details.
Puwede kang gumawa ng halimbawa na walang pangalan o detalye ng totoong chat.
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What simple invitation could brighten a friend's ordinary day?
Anong simpleng yaya ang puwedeng magpasaya sa normal na araw ng friend?
Back of the card
Keep the invitation short enough to send as one message.
Puwedeng maikli lang ang yaya, kasya sa isang message.
How she’s really doing
4 questions
Gently, and only if she wants to talk.
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What has your body or mood been telling you these days?
Ano ang sinasabi ng katawan o mood mo sa'yo lately?
Back of the card
Your tiredness, restlessness, or steadiness can give honest signals. Listening can help you choose with more care, not just more effort.
Yung pagod, restlessness, o pagiging steady mo pwedeng magbigay ng honest signals. Kapag pinakinggan mo, mas makakapili ka nang may care, hindi puro effort lang.
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Name something you are carrying this week that people may not notice.
Magsabi ng isang bitbit mo this week na baka hindi napapansin ng iba.
Back of the card
Not every weight is visible. Being honest about what you carry can make the load feel less unnamed.
Hindi lahat ng bigat nakikita. Kapag honest ka sa bitbit mo, kahit hindi agad gumaan, hindi na siya sobrang labo.
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Where do you need to be less harsh with yourself?
Saan mo kailangang bawasan ang pagiging harsh sa sarili mo?
Back of the card
Being less harsh does not mean caring less. It can mean choosing a voice that helps you keep moving honestly.
Hindi ibig sabihin na wala kang pakialam kapag hindi ka harsh. Baka mas helpful lang ang boses na hindi ka dinudurog.
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Share something you wish people understood about your life lately.
Ikuwento ang gusto mong maintindihan ng mga tao tungkol sa buhay mo lately.
Back of the card
You can keep this general or pass. Which part of your day would help someone understand your answer?
Puwedeng general lang o mag-pass. Anong part ng araw mo ang makakatulong para maintindihan nila ang sagot mo?
Who she still is
4 questions
She had interests before the baby. Ask about them.
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Name one small, specific thing you enjoy more than people expect.
Magbanggit ng isang maliit at specific na bagay na mas enjoy mo kaysa ina-expect ng iba.
Back of the card
Specific joys can be tiny clues about a person. They do not need to make sense to everyone to be real.
Yung specific joys, maliit na clue tungkol sa tao. Hindi kailangan gets ng lahat para maging real.
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Name a new interest a friend might be surprised you enjoy.
Magbanggit ng bagong hilig mo na baka ikagulat ng friend.
Back of the card
You could open with: “I never thought I'd enjoy this, but...”
Puwedeng magsimula sa “Hindi ko akalaing magugustuhan ko ito, pero...”
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What are you good at that your friends rarely get to see?
Saan ka magaling na bihirang makita ng friends mo?
Back of the card
Imagine a friend seeing you do it for the first time.
Isipin na unang nakita ng friend kung paano mo ito ginagawa.
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What kind of rest, fun, or treat are you learning to enjoy without feeling bad about it?
Anong klaseng pahinga, saya, o treat ang natututuhan mong i-enjoy nang hindi masyadong nagi-guilty?
Back of the card
Enjoyment can take practice, especially when you are used to earning every pause. This question leaves room for that.
Minsan kailangan ding matutuhan ang mag-enjoy, lalo na kung sanay kang kailangan mong paghirapan ang bawat pahinga. May space dito para doon.
Little wins
4 questions
Things she handled that deserve a mention.
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What have you done recently that you are pleased about?
Anong nagawa mo kamakailan ang ikinatuwa mo?
Back of the card
If your win had a tiny trophy, what would be written on it?
Kung may maliit na trophy ang nagawa mo, ano ang nakasulat dito?
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After finishing something hard, how do you usually celebrate or recover?
Kapag natapos mo ang mahirap na bagay, paano ka usually nagse-celebrate o nagre-recover?
Back of the card
Finishing something hard deserves a landing. Some people mark it loudly; some just need a quiet exhale.
Kapag may natapos kang mahirap, kailangan din ng landing. May nagse-celebrate nang malakas; may tahimik na hinga lang.
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What is something you can handle better now than before?
Ano yung mas kaya mo nang i-handle ngayon kaysa dati?
Back of the card
Growth is often noticed in comparison. What used to shake you may now take less from you.
Madalas napapansin ang growth kapag may comparison. Yung dati kang kinakabahan, baka ngayon mas kaya mo nang harapin.
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Name one mistake you are ready to stop replaying so much.
Magsabi ng isang mistake na ready ka nang hindi paulit-ulit i-replay.
Back of the card
A mistake can teach without taking over the whole story. You can remember the lesson without replaying the hurt.
Puwedeng may tinuro ang mistake nang hindi siya ang buong story. Puwede mong tandaan ang lesson nang hindi inuulit ang sakit.
How to use them
Before you ask
A new mom answers the same questions a dozen times a day: how much does the baby weigh, is she sleeping, are you breastfeeding. Questions to ask a new mom that are about her are rarer, and they land. What small task would she happily ask a friend to help with? What kind of message is easy for her to reply to right now?
Start with what would help, because that’s the most useful thing a visitor can learn. Then, if she seems open, ask gently how she’s really doing. New moms often hear “how are you?” as a question about the baby; asking what her body or mood has been telling her lately makes clear you mean her.
Don’t skip the last two groups. Reminding a new mom of an interest she had before the baby, or naming something she handled well, matters in weeks when nearly every hour goes to someone else.
New mom
Frequently asked questions
What should I ask a new mom?
Ask what small task she’d happily accept help with, what kind of message is easy for her to reply to, what her body or mood has been telling her lately, and about an interest of hers that has nothing to do with the baby.
What should you not say to a new mom?
Skip unsolicited advice, comments about her body, and comparisons with other babies or moms. Ask what would help instead.
How do I check on a new mom over text?
Send one easy question she can answer in a line, offer one specific help, and don’t expect a quick reply.
Bring a better question to the table.
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