Questions · Before dating someone
Questions to ask before dating someone, without a checklist
Questions to ask before you start dating someone, while you’re still friends or just getting close. How they spend a week, what they value, how they treat people when things go wrong, and where they are in life.
- 17 questions
- EN + TL on every card
- Free in the app
Kumustahan is a bilingual conversation card app: 1,200 questions in English and Filipino across 7 decks, with a short reflection on the back of every card.
Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
The questions
17 questions to ask before dating
Every question in English and Filipino/Tagalog, word for word from the Kumustahan decks. Open “Back of the card” for the reflection printed on the other side.
How they spend a normal week
4 questions
Daily life is what you’d actually share.
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On a free day, what activity do you enjoy even if nothing gets done?
Sa free day, anong activity ang enjoy gawin kahit wala kang natatapos?
Back of the card
Not every good thing needs to be useful. Some activities are good because they give the day room to breathe.
Hindi lahat ng magandang gawin kailangang useful. May mga bagay na okay dahil binibigyan lang nila ng luwag yung araw.
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Which kind of task makes you lose track of time?
Anong klaseng task yung nakakalimutan mong oras kapag ginagawa mo?
Back of the card
The tasks that make time move fast can reveal what absorbs you, energizes you, or quietly fits how your mind works.
Yung tasks na nagpapabilis ng oras pwedeng clue kung ano ang kumukuha ng focus mo, nagpapagana sa'yo, o bagay sa utak mo.
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If money were no problem, how would you spend a Saturday with nothing you had to do?
Kung walang kailangang gawin at hindi problema ang pera, paano mo gagamitin ang isang Sabado?
Back of the card
Picture the end of your Saturday. What would make you wish it were still morning?
Isipin ang katapusan ng Sabado mo. Bakit mo gugustuhing umaga pa lang?
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Which part of the day usually feels easiest for you?
Anong part ng araw usually pinaka-madali para sa'yo?
Back of the card
Some people come alive in the morning, some at night, and some during one quiet pocket in between.
May taong buhay na buhay sa umaga, may gabi ang favorite, at may isang tahimik na part lang sa gitna na hinihintay.
What they value
5 questions
Ask about people they respect and choices they made.
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Who is someone you respect for the way they live, even in small things?
Sino yung taong nirerespeto mo sa paraan ng buhay niya, kahit sa maliliit na bagay?
Back of the card
Respect often begins with small, steady things. A simple habit can show a lot about how someone moves through life.
Madalas nagsisimula ang respeto sa maliliit pero consistent na bagay. May simpleng habit na maraming sinasabi tungkol sa isang tao.
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Tell us about a time someone was fair to you in a way you still remember.
Ikuwento yung time na naging fair sa'yo ang isang tao, at natatandaan mo pa rin.
Back of the card
Fairness can be memorable because it gives people room to breathe. It says, I see the whole situation, not only the mistake.
Natatandaan ang fairness kasi nakakahinga ang tao. Parang sinasabi nito, nakikita ko yung buong situation, hindi lang yung mali.
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Pick one value you want to show up in your week.
Pumili ng isang value na gusto mong makita sa week mo.
Back of the card
A value becomes real in small choices. One week is enough space to practice it gently.
Nagiging real ang value sa maliliit na choices. Sapat na ang isang week para i-practice siya nang gentle.
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Name something you want to be known for by people close to you.
Magsabi ng isang bagay na gusto mong maalala sa'yo ng mga taong close sa'yo.
Back of the card
The way you want to be known can reveal what you value. It can also guide one small choice today.
Yung gusto mong maalala nila sa'yo, may pinapakitang value. Puwede rin siyang gumabay sa isang maliit na choice today.
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Which small kindness from other people do you notice right away?
Anong small kindness mula sa ibang tao ang napapansin mo agad?
Back of the card
It could be someone checking in, saving you a seat, helping quietly, or remembering a small detail. The kindness you notice may be the kind you needed before.
Puwedeng may nag-check in, nagtira ng seat, tumulong quietly, o nakaalala ng small detail. Baka yung kindness na napapansin mo ang kind na kinailangan mo dati.
How they treat people
5 questions
Apologies, disagreements and jokes that went too far. Asked about friends, which is easier.
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What makes an apology from a friend feel sincere to you?
Paano mo nalalaman na talagang sorry ang friend sa nangyari?
Back of the card
Would it still feel sincere if they used different words?
Ramdam mo pa rin bang talagang sorry sila kung iba ang sinabi nila?
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After you and a friend disagree, what helps things feel okay again?
Pagkatapos ninyong hindi magkasundo ng friend, ano ang nakakatulong para maging okay ulit kayo?
Back of the card
You can notice a small improvement without calling everything fixed.
Puwedeng mapansin na may umaayos kahit hindi pa okay ang lahat.
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What habit makes a small disagreement with a friend worse?
Anong habit ang nagpapalala sa simpleng hindi pagkakasundo ninyo ng friend?
Back of the card
Talk about the habit, not which friend does it.
Habit ang pag-usapan, hindi kung sinong friend ang gumagawa nito.
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How can a friend tell when a joke has stopped being fun for you?
Paano malalaman ng friend na hindi na masaya para sa'yo ang biro?
Back of the card
You can say the signal without explaining the whole joke.
Puwedeng senyales lang ang sabihin, hindi ang buong biro.
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How do you usually show a friend that you care?
Paano mo usually pinapakita sa friend na may care ka?
Back of the card
Care has many shapes: checking in, feeding people, remembering details, giving space, or staying when it gets inconvenient.
Maraming itsura ang care: nangangamusta, nagpapakain, nakakaalala ng details, nagbibigay ng space, o nananatili kahit hassle.
Where they are in life
3 questions
Is this a good season to start something?
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Describe one thing that feels different about you lately.
I-describe ang isang bagay na parang nag-iba sa'yo lately.
Back of the card
Change often shows up quietly before anyone else notices. Giving it words helps you see it more clearly.
Minsan tahimik lang dumadating ang pagbabago bago mapansin ng iba. Kapag nilagyan mo ng words, mas malinaw mo siyang nakikita.
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What would you like to make more time for this month?
Ano ang gusto mong bigyan ng mas maraming oras ngayong buwan?
Back of the card
Imagine an extra afternoon opens up. Would you spend it all on this or leave some time free?
Isipin na nabakante ang isang hapon. Ilalaan mo ba lahat ng oras dito o magtitira ka pa ng libreng oras?
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Point to one direction you feel drawn toward, even if it is not fully clear yet.
Magbanggit ng isang direction na feeling mo tinutulak ka, kahit hindi pa fully clear.
Back of the card
Clarity sometimes arrives after movement. You can honor the direction without pretending you know the whole path.
Minsan dumarating ang clarity habang gumagalaw ka na. Puwede mong i-honor ang direction nang hindi nagpapanggap na alam mo ang buong path.
How to use them
Before you ask
The questions worth asking before dating someone are about ordinary life and character: how they spend a free day, who they respect and why, how they make things right with a friend after a disagreement. You learn more about compatibility from how someone handles small things than from their stance on big ones.
People often treat this stage like an audition, with a mental checklist of deal-breakers. That makes conversations stiff and tends to filter for people who perform well rather than people who are kind. Asking about friendships is a softer route: how someone talks about apologizing to a friend tells you how they may apologize to you.
Ask these naturally, over a few hangouts, not in one sitting. The last group matters more than it looks: someone can be lovely and still be in a season with no room for a relationship, and it is better to know.
Good for
Tips
- Spread these across several hangouts. One evening of them feels like an interview.
- Listen for how they talk about others, not just what they say about themselves.
- Share your own answers; it should feel like mutual discovery.
- Don’t treat one answer as a deal-breaker. Look for patterns.
- If you’re already sure you like them, say so. Questions aren’t a substitute.
Decks for this
Before dating someone
Frequently asked questions
What should you ask someone before dating them?
Ask how they spend a normal week, who they respect, how they make up with a friend after a disagreement, and what season of life they are in. Small, real answers say more than big-picture ones.
How do you know if you are compatible before dating?
Notice how your daily rhythms fit, whether you value similar things, and how they handle small conflicts with others. Compatibility shows up in ordinary moments more than in shared interests.
Is it weird to ask serious questions before dating?
Not if they are woven into normal conversation. Ask about friends, habits and choices rather than running through a list.
Bring a better question to the table.
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